The Rampage MC #2: Beard and Emily

Chapter 13 (Emily): Who Was This Man?

Beard's words echoed in my head for the next couple of weeks. When I was holding one of our babies and he was sitting next to me holding our other baby. When I was showering. When I was getting into bed. When he left for the evening. When I was eating my meals. When he drove us to the doctor appointments.

I miss the feeling that we were meant to be more.

I'd always felt that when I'd been with him, but I'd never imagined that he'd been feeling the same way. That he felt the same connection I had and we'd both always kept it buried. Especially not when he'd acted like such an asshole to me when I'd broken the news of the pregnancy to him. At that point, I'd just felt disappointment in myself for having been with a man who had fooled me in such a way. He'd never made me promises, he'd never whispered forever to me, but I'd also never expected that the man who came running every time I showed up in his bar would react to the news of his impending fatherhood the way he had. It was almost impossible to believe this man-child was the father of my children. My mind had flashed ahead to Beard being an obnoxious and unreliable father in my children's lives and I was kind of grateful he'd shown himself as the jerk he was that day in the clubhouse. He wouldn't have to have anything to do with them, and although it hurt for my children's sakes, I was a big girl and could handle things on my own. 

But then he'd reappeared in my life after four months. He'd gotten a call telling him where I was and he'd come running right away, as he always had before. Why did he always run after me, only to treat me as he had the one day in the clubhouse? To my scientific mind, it didn't make sense, and the words he'd said about feeling like we were meant to be more were now jumbled up in the confusing mess of emotions Beard evoked in me. I couldn't untangle them because my sleep-deprived brain wasn't currently up for the challenge. Even with my parents spending the night and helping, even if my mom said she and dad would get the two a.m. feeding, I still woke up and heard...and helped.

On my first night alone with the twins, they woke up at two-thirty in the morning and I turned on a soft light, wishing my mom hadn't had to accompany my dad on one of his teaching-lecture tours. My mother had offered to send him by himself, but I knew she didn't want to. Dad did much better when mom was with him. So I'd assured her that I'd be fine, and they'd taken off for three weeks early this morning.

Sighing at how pathetic I was being, I decided it was time I made being a single mother of twins a reality. Beard had offered to sleep on the couch to help during the night when we brought them home from the hospital, but I'd declined his offer, squashing down the guilt I felt at that, and telling him I had my parents to help. He was here for much of the daytime shift and...I liked it. Too much.

Not more than twenty seconds after I turned on the light, my phone buzzed with a message on the COPA! co-parenting app. Despite Beard's initial protest against the app, he was using it. Every day. Every night. I'd given him no choice. I'd been a little afraid to push it since Bowdin and Elincia were bottle fed and he could have insisted on shared custody, but so far, he hadn't made any noises about taking them from me or splitting their time between us.

Do you need help? I saw your light go on.

What the hell? I looked out the nursery window and saw Beard sitting astride his bike across the street from my house, watching his phone, waiting for a response from me. As if she could sense my growing tension between Beard and a screaming Bowdin, Elincia also started screaming, which just ramped up Bowdin even more. Shifting my unhappy boy, I didn't even think as I typed back a response.

Yes

I scooped up my daughter in my free arm and hurried to the front door, just able to undo the lock and twist the knob.