When life give's you Lupus

Lying in bed

                       As I lay in bed drowning in aches and pains. I wonder if I will ever get better. I hate my disorder. I hate being sick. I wish I was healthy like all the other kids my age. I can't play sports. I miss as much school as I attend. All my friends are athletes, and I am disabled. I take a breath but with swollen lungs I only get so much are. I look to my side and my paintings. I am an amazing artist. I have loved art since I was a little kid. I have always had painting, markers, colored pencils, crayons, and many drawing and painting papers in my room. Maybe I can't play sports but I can be an artist. I gave up sports freshman year for my health. I don't have to give up my art.

         I peel myself out of bed and grab my sketchbook. I google a picture of a Chicago skyline after a bit of scrolling I find one that I like. I take out my pencils, stroke after stroke. Line after line. Shading, tracing, and erasing later I have my products. It was painful to make my bones ache as of my current flare up but I made something I am proud of. Even if I never got sick eventually I would have to give up sports. Dance, cheer, volleyball, and swim I loved them. I can never do them again. It hurts like a knife stabbing through my heart. 

        Playing sports brought me so much joy and it's okay that I'm sad. I should be my disease has robbed me of something that I love. I am so much more that the sports I play. It took me years to become a strong athlete and it look weeks for my lupus to destroy my hard work. My lupus didn't take away my artist talent. I am still an artist and I am still a musician and I am still a writer. I am still an athlete I just play differently. I am lay in bed and drown in self-pity and focus on the chances I've lost or I can look at the once that I still have. I am stronger than my disease and so are you. Mind over matter. Day after day this world will challenge you but it is important to realize that you cannot be broken unless you let you struggles win. It's hard as hell to stand up to this world and refuse to let it break you but it is possible. You are stronger. Everyday that you are alive is a day that you fight. Keep on fighting you're a strong warrior.