When life give's you Lupus

When do I heal

Sixteen months I have been sick.

Sixteen months I have been struggling.

I have been struggling with pain I didn't know I could feel.

I have been struggling with seizures headaches body aches and more.

I have taken treatment after treatment, and I am still not better. 

I have been given a world of diagnosis many times that have been wrong.

I have been told the doctors won't run out of things to try.

Thing to try to make me better.

So, I can have a normal teenager life.

But my body will run out of strength and stamina.

My body can only take so much.

My brain forever damaged and my lungs are scarred.

I am only human.

I am not immune to the pain.

I feel my disease destroying my body. 

My brain my lungs my heart which organ is next.

Which organ will my lupus attack?

A lot of people die from this disease, will I be one of them.

If I am stop giving me false hope

Let me know how much time I have.

Don't talk to me like a patient tell it like you would a friend.

I don't need to hear statistics side effects more treatment options.

I need to be told whether I will live or die.

I deserve to know.

I don't deserve false hope.

Will my body keep reject treatments?

Will I ever truly recover?

Let me know so I can tell my friend and family.

So they can prepare to lose. me

Let me know and I'll make drawings, painting, video messages, and letters.

I am the oldest sibling let me know so I can leave advice for my brothers.

Even if I can't watch them get married or graduate let me know so I can leave them a letter for that day.

I feel my disease killing me.

Let me leave my legacy!

Let me make more memories.

Let me know how much time I have.

 I don't deserve false hope.

If I am dying and beyond all treatment, then simply tell me

I deserve to know if my day is coming where I am painting the sunsets.

Where I dash on the clouds

Where I wander the Earth as a spirit

Let me know please.

Doc tell me if I will ever recover.

I fade in and out of remission. 

It's painful physically and mentally

Let me down slowly.

Let me tell my friend and family that I am dying.

Let them carry my ashes so I can still with them.

Let me choose who will carry my casket.

Let me know if the next time I go to the hospital I won't come out

I want to go back to when I was little.

When I was young and healthy

My biggest health concern was the flu.

Not a possibly life-threatening disease

I miss my youth.

My youth is being destroyed by my illness.

  I am sick this I know.

I wish I knew how much more time I have before my body gives up on me and I am forced to let go.