worldwide || billie eilish

chapter one

please read the TW in the book description before continuing

It was humid inside the nightclub. All around me, people seemed to be oozing with sweat. I shoved my way through a wall full of soggy, half-naked bodies and got to the front of the dance floor. The whole time, my eyes never left the stage.

Jared. He was up there--my Jared--performing a song that could potentially earn him and his band a contract with the biggest record label in all of Los Angeles. I had never been more proud. 

Everyone around me was hopped up on something. I didn't usually do drugs without a special reason, and though I could've used my boyfriend's biggest opportunity ever as one, I wanted to watch him perform completely sober. I hadn't even had a beer.

"Woo! Jared!" I shrieked, but my voice was drowned out in the ruckus of the crowd. I watched him grip the microphone as he sang the lyrics to a song he had written about me, and felt like all my dreams were coming true. I was financially stable, for the first time in forever, and I didn't even mind that this was only because of who I was dating. I was having a good time, living a good life. I was happy.

I glossed over the fact that when Jared got mad about something, he sometimes hit me. I glossed over the fact that he slept with other girls all the time and thought I didn't know. I glossed over the fact that he occasionally stumbled into our house in the hills with blood seeping from his nose and a breath reeking of alcohol. I glossed over every single flaw, big or small, in our relationship. I had learned a long time ago not to ever rock the boat--especially when it was the only thing keeping you alive.

Jared finished singing and flopped into the crowd. I watched as a number of women rushed forward and caught him, their hands wandering over his body as he grinned drunkenly. It had been an amazing performance, and I already knew that he was going to get that contract with the record label. And yet, for some unknown reason, I didn't go up and congratulate him. Instead, I slunk off the dance floor, thinking, if he really loves me then he'll come find me.

Stupid me.

*

The girls bathroom of the club (which was called The Fishbowl) was full of women. Some were fixing their hair and makeup in the mirror, some were smoking cigarettes in the stalls, and a handful were even doing lines on the counter. I re-applied my lipstick beside a pretty blonde woman holding a cigarette. She offered it to me. I took a small drag, thanked her, and left.

I wanted to go home. When you're at a club and stone sober, it's only really fun for a little while. However, I couldn't find Jared anywhere, and he was my ride. 

"Fuck it," I mumbled. I started for the door, but before I make it to the exit, I felt a hand on my wrist. I swung around and found myself staring Jared in the eye.

He had shaggy brown hair, tan skin, and dark eyes. He was wearing a worn leather jacket and had lipstick on his cheek and neck.

"Hi, baby," he said in a deep, gravelly voice. "Did you see me up there?"

He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. I struggled to keep from rolling my eyes.

"You did so good," I said softly. "Did you get the contract?"

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His lips brushed my ear, and I could smell the booze on his breath, plus the ever-present underlying odor of some hooker's cheap perfume.

"We did," he breathed. "We got the contract. We're gonna make an album, baby."

"Good job," I said. "I'm so proud of you."

He was clearly stoned out of his mind. I was tempted to take the car keys from his pocket and just leave without him, but he was holding me too tightly to move. 

"I met some nice girls," he said, "and they invited us to a party at a hotel. Let's go."

"But I'm tired."

"I wanna go. Let's go. It's gonna be fun."

"Why don't I just drive the car home now and you can get a ride back later?"

"No. You're coming with me."

His voice had turned hard and cold. His arms tightened around me, nearly cutting off my air. I let out a quiet choking sound, but he didn't seem to hear it, because he just kept holding me like that.

"Fine," I said. I was willing to say anything at that point, as long as it would mean he let go of me. And he did. He took my hand and looked me in the eye, grinning.

"Good. Let's go."