worldwide || billie eilish

chapter eight

I pushed Billie away from me the second Jared spoke. She stumbled slightly, then regained her balance and glared at me, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. 

"Colette, what are you doing?" Jared growled. I turned to look at him. His eyes were dark, like some sort of savage animal. He had a bottle of beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and I got the strange feeling that if he hadn't been holding those things, he would've slapped me.

"I was--I'm--" My eyes flicked over to Billie. She was regarding me with a look that I didn't have time to decipher. Her mouth was turned upwards at the edges, as though she were surprising a smile. But it's not funny.

"You're making out with someone?" Jared asked, disbelief apparent in his voice. It was just us three outside, and I was thankful there was no crowd watching this play out. That would've been even more humiliating. 

"I'm...drunk?" I squeaked out, more of a question than an answer. 

Jared buried his face in his hands for a moment, then looked back up at me. 

"I don't even know what to say," he muttered. "What are you? You're a fag now?"

My eyes widened. "What? No! I'm--I don't even--We were just messing around!" I stuttered, trying to act a little tipsy. I shuffled over to hug Jared's torso, placing my head on his chest.

He didn't even seem to realize Billie was standing there, watching us. I could still see her, out of the corner of my eye. Only her legs were visible--the rest of her was cloaked in shadows. I didn't have to see her face, though, to know that she was smiling. 

"You promise it didn't mean anything?" He asked, stroking my hair with the back of his hand. 

"I promise," I said. "I only love you, baby."

"I know." His voice rumbled through his chest, deep and scratchy. I closed my eyes, breathing in his musky scent.

"Let's go inside now," he said, grabbing my hand and leading me up the stairs to our apartment. Just before I walked through the front door, I looked back at Billie. She had stepped into the light again, a grin plastered across her face. She pointed at me, then tapped her finger to the edge of her mouth. I rolled my eyes.

Inside, I shoved my way through the line of people waiting to go to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

My lipstick, which was a dark red shade, had smudged all over my lips. I looked like the Joker. It was obvious that I had been making out with someone. 

So that was what Billie meant when she tapped her lips.

I wiped it off, took a few deep breaths, then considered my options for that night. I could go back out and party, or I could leave and find a place to stay--though, the latter would likely anger Jared, especially after what had just happened.

My eyes wandered to the claw-foot bathtub resting against the far wall of the bathroom. 

Sleeping there was always an option...

I popped open the medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills, popping one--then another--into my mouth. I flicked the lights off and climbed into the tub, my feet hanging out of the edge, and squeezed my eyes shut. 

Thoughts of Billie raced through my brain. Her kissing me, my hands in her hair, our bodies melting together. 

I didn't like girls. I was straight. So why was I so obsessed over the kiss we had just shared? 

Why was I so obsessed with Billie?

*

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I hate jared