Anguished cries

Fading away

I miss your honey brown eyes,
I miss your those tangled curls ,
Those beautiful lips ,
And that aura of selfless love
The spirit of fighter ,
I miss your fragrance,
I can still listen your laugh
And your loud music blasting in the morning hours at home ,
Time has passed
You also passed away,
But memories stayed &
this will be only the legacy of yours that i will carry away in life,
Your heirlooms now remind me of the moments we shared planning about my future life .
but sorry to disappoint you mummy ,
i have been nothing like we both dreamt of it to be in future life.
sometimes i feel glad that you're not alive ,
to see the true colours of people you loved & cared so much
sometimes it feels like better you're not here to see,
what A loser i have became in life,
Sometimes all the pain inside me becomes too much so much that
i don't wanna live ,
i wanna die
But then i think of this home you made with you much love, hardwork & efforts
I think about papa who will be alone after me
Sometimes even i couldn't even try to hurt myself thinking of all
So i wish
I wish everyday now for natural or accidental death for me
I failed in every aspect of life
The flame of my courage is fading away with time
Nothing is left for me
No matter how much efforts I give or try