In My Line of Vision (Clexa)

Chapter 5

The next day, Lexa stays with me for the whole morning. There are no duties that she needs to fulfill today, so it's almost as if she has a day off. She stays silent at first, telling me she's reading at the table inside of the tent. Her people give me more of this "antidote" hoping that it will work this time around. I don't keep up my hopes, knowing it's most likely not going to help me see again.

I lay down and sleep for a while, feeling tired from the swimming lessons from yesterday. I dream about the earth, dreaming slowly becoming my favorite thing. It makes it so I can somewhat see again. It's relaxing and depressing at the same time. It's still hard to get used to living like this, who knows if I ever will?

When I wake up, Lexa is still here, offering me some food. We sit at the table together, making it easy to hear her soft breaths. I can also hear the pages of her book turning every couple of minutes. I eat some of the fruit she has brought, thinking about her. Thinking about how her skin felt against mine yesterday. It was only her hands that touched me, but it was enough to make it hard to think about anything else. I wanted to touch her back, without it being awkward. I just really want to hold her hand again.

"What are you reading?" I ask her, not sure of what the grounders read. Do they read romance novels and tech books like my people did back on the ship? The thought making me smile, Lexa reading a romance novel? It's very hard to imagine.

"It's a book of maps, of places beyond ours." She answers, a bit surprised by my interest.

"Is it a book of the past or did your people create it?" I ask her, wondering if a book could even survive from the bombing days till now.

"My people have added onto it over the years, it's the commander's book." She explains to me, standing up from her seat and moving to come sit by me. I hear her set down the book in front of me, making me wonder what she's thinking.

"Feel it, it's very old." She tells me as her voice sits beside me, I reach out my hand and let it come in contact with the book. My fingertips don't expect the texture that it holds, it's not paper. It's some sort of animal skin I think.

"Bear skin, we've painted onto it to make the markings." She informs me, addressing my curious thoughts.

"Paint?" I ask softly, seeing true paint for the first time back at the mountain. We had paint back on the Ark, but it never worked well. It was unnatural and too bright, always too expensive for me to even try buying either. It was a luxury for those with higher ranks.

I've always been able to draw and sketch, but I've never been able to paint because it was never possible for me then.

"Yes, we trade for it at Polis." She explains making me nod my head as I let my fingers softly trail across the pages in front of me.

"The paint we had back on the Ark wasn't very good, and I was never able to get my hands on enough of it to make it worth anything. I've always been intrigued by the pictures in our books though, that had some of the paintings from the past." I tell her, smiling as my hand touches a rough patch on the page. "I love to sketch, art has always fascinated me."

She stays silent for a small moment, taking in what I had told her. Myself questioning if this was a topic of conversation that is even worth her time, she might have more important things to discuss somewhere else.

"Maybe I can get you some of our paint, so you can try it out for yourself." She then suggests, a bit of desperation in her voice which makes me a bit confused.

"I don't think it would have a purpose now if I can't see it." I frown, already missing the times I would look up at the stars and draw in the dirt. I think about the many opportunities the mountain offered me paint and art supplies, but I couldn't bring myself to give into their charms. Not when I knew what they were.

"You'll be able to paint one day Clarke, you'll be able to see it as well." She tells me which makes me give her a small smile. We sit in a comfortable moment of silence, myself desperately just wanting to reach out and touch her.

"What do you like to do?" I then ask her, feeling curious about this voice i've come to know.

"What do you mean?" She asks a bit confused.

"Like a hobby? Do you do anything that you enjoy?" I ask her again, wanting to know more about the Commander.

"I like to train, I suppose." She replies still sounding a bit confused on my question.

"Are you good at it? You know . . . in combat and all." I ask her, trying to think of her voice commanding through a battle.

"Yes, I've been training my whole life." She tells me with confidence.

Your whole life?" I question, feeling a bit confused.

"I knew I would become Commander ever since I was a child. It's my purpose." She explains with a soft voice.

"So you're chosen at a young age?" I ask trying to make things more clear for myself.

"We're chosen when we're born." She answers making me nod my head to tell her I understand now.

"Do you feel a lot of pressure because of that?" I then question making her pause in a moment of thought.

"I did, but now I know that I would do everything to do what is right for my people. If it means dying, then I will die." She tells me, her voice soft and serious. I then feel her hand place itself on top of my own, her fingers going through the spaces in between mine. I realize I'm holding my breath as she starts to let her thumb rub against the top of my hand. It feels soft and soothing, making me only concentrate on that feeling.

"I like that." I confess making me regret it instantly. Her thumb stops rubbing for a second, an awkward silence starting to form quickly. I take a deep breath knowing that I could have just messed up everything between us, but I release that breath when her thumb starts to rub again.

"I do too." She confesses back making me smile, we sit for a while, just enjoying the silence.

She then clears her throat, pulling her hand away from mine. I frown at the loss of contact, also realizing that she's standing up to leave.

"I should check on Indra or Anya." She tells me, her voice trying to hide any awkwardness.

"Okay." I nod, standing up from my chair as well.

"I'll be back soon." She tells me, letting me then hear her soft footsteps as she quickly leaves. I sigh and try to pick up the book she left, taking it with me as I steadily walk over to the Commander's bed.