Sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

1

Sometimes, Eddie looks at Buck and is hit with an overwhelming feeling of affection that he has no words to describe other than sunlight.

He can't for the life of him find another analogy to describe the warmth that spreads from his heart when all Buck has done is simply smile at him. Because loving Buck is like the first, soft rays of sunshine in the early mornings, that warm you deep to your core. 

 It makes him feel as though he never knew what love is before, and maybe that's true. Because he has never loved anyone the way he loves Buck, all encompassing and taking his breath away. 

Buck is beautiful, inside and out. He can light up any room by just being in it and improve Eddie's day just by interacting with him. If he were a sensible man, Eddie thinks, he'd find it more concerning that whether or not he's having a good day depends on Buck. But alas, a heart in love is a foolish one indeed.

It always strikes him unexpectedly, like now. Looking at Buck, who is looking back at him, wide eyed, pasta hanging from his lips that are stained red with the sauce. 

Buck slurps the pasta up, something Eddie is feeling both disgusted and fond about, and opens and closes his mouth multiple times, no words coming out. Eddie's heart does that tell-tale flip and he ignores it, raising an eyebrow.

"You want me to come with you." Buck says, cautiously. As if there ever was a question about it. 

"Yes."

"You want me to come with you and Chris to El Paso for Christmas?" Says Buck, tilting his head like a confused puppy. "Isn't that, like, a family thing?"

"Yes." Eddie wouldn't admit that he finds Buck's eyebrow furrow when he's thinking cute to a living soul. Not even at gun point. Eddie decides to put him out of his misery. "You are family Buck." He watches the way Buck's eyes light up with concealed hope. "Hell, at this point I'm certain you took my spot as Abuela's favorite grandchild."

"Maybe that's because she can actually teach me her recipes without me burning the kitchen down." Buck responds automatically.

Eddie rolls his eyes fondly, before turning serious once more. "Seriously, Evan. I want you there. We both do. So unless you have other plans, come."

"If you're sure-"

"A hundred percent."

"Then okay." Said Buck, his smile lighting up his face even more. "I'll come with you. I can't say no to Christmas with the Diazes."

Eddie swears that his hearts grew three sizes as Buck excitedly about what they should do once there.

**

His family loved Buck, as is to be expected. He has been passed around from one relative to another for a while now, and all of them seemed charmed by the ray of sunshine that's Evan Buckley. 

He catches eyes with one of his Tias and she nods at him approvingly. It makes him feel warm inside and his heart ache at the same time , that the man he loves fits with his people so seamlessly.

He watches from the outskirts as Buck is tackled by a bunch of children, their parents watching with amusement. A hand touches his shoulder and he turns to find his mom.

"Hey, mom." He says, smiling gratefully as she hands him a glass of lemonade.

"Enjoying the party?" She asks. 

"It's been a while since I saw many of our familia." It's true. Some of them he hasn't seen since before Covid. His baby cousins have grown so much in the past few years. There are a few missing faces, but his parents' backyard is still crowded. Aunts, Uncle's and cousins from all over cramped into the tiny space.  "It's nice to gather like this again."

"Yes. Did you know Carlos started dating a firefighter? Sadly, they couldn't make it here. Said they had a gathering of their own in Austin."

"Well, maybe next time I guess." He said, gaze wandering back to Buck, who was now talking with a couple of adults, children hanging from his arms.

"Eddito." His mother says. He hums in acknowledgement, moving his eyes back to her.

"¿Cuándo le vas a pedir a ese hombre que se case contigo?" She says, nodding towards Buck. He shakes his head, not really sure how to explain to her that Buck will never be his, no matter how much he wants him to be.

He finally settled on "No es así entre nosotros." 

His mom tutted. "Edmundo, darling. You're…different when you're around him. Happier, lighter. And the way he looks at you - you seem so certain that there's no chance, and thus you remain blind to what's in front of you. Abre tus ojos, mijo."

"Mama-"

"I know me and your father never really saw anything from your point of view, but seeing you like this - it makes me wonder if we hadn't been so hard on you, judged you so much, if you'd have been happier even before."

"None of it was your fault." He says, voice coming out choked.

His mother smiled sadly at him. "It was. We never supported you when we should have. We were so busy thinking about what we assumed was good for you, instead of focusing on what made you happy." 

Her eyes move, and he follows her line of sight, even though he already knew where it'd land.

"And if your happiness is by his side," she says, smiling. "We'll support you every step of the way."

Eddie almost couldn't breathe past the lump in his throat. He feels tears sting his eyes. "Thanks, mom."

"You're welcome, Edmundo." She says, patting his cheek. "Now come on. Isabel's enchiladas wait for no one." 

He lets his mother pull him into the sea of people that's the Diazes.

**

Later that night, Eddie and Buck laid on the air mattress that was set up in the living room, his old room having been given to Christopher. Eddie was trying to get his mind to quiet down enough for him to sleep, just on the edge of unconsciousness.

A whispered "Eds?" gets his attention.

He hums in response.

"Are you awake?" 

Eddie would roll his eyes if his eyelids weren't so heavy. "Yes, Buck." He whispers back.

"I just wanted to say thank you." Buck says, and Eddie rolls over, opening his eyes with a great deal of effort to face Buck. He's a bit taken back with how close they are, Buck's warm breath, smelling of mint, wafts over his face and Eddie swears he can make out the different shades of blue in Buck's eyes even in the dim street light seeping through the curtains.

"You invited me to come with you and you didn't have to. It was the best day of my life and meeting your whole family was amazing. And I - I never had anything like this with my family growing up so it means the world to me. I can't find the words to thank you enough."

"You don't need to thank me, Buck." Says Eddie, softly. "You are family. My family. A Diaz in all but name. It - It wouldn't have felt right without you here." Eddie hopes his feelings don't show through these words.

"Aww, you would miss me too much?" Says Buck teasingly, although it comes out a bit wet. 

Eddie gladly takes the offered out, trying to cut through the tension. "Nevermind. I can just invite Chim instead. Do you think he'll be a fan of Texan barbeque?"

Buck gasps. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

Buck whacks him gently on the shoulder, and Eddie chuckles quiety.

"Really though thank you. " Says Buck. "For making me a part of your family."

Eddie resists the urge to pull Buck closer to himself, instead replying with "Always."