Just to the Ceiling

1. July

I used to be just a girl.
My nickname used to be Ole' and I used to roll on the floor and climb on ladders and trees and not be afraid. I used to like going to school and pretend that I liked the school work even though I had not idea what I was doing.
Now I'm just July and I don't roll at all. I don't like going to school and all ever do is school work because that's all I like. The only things I ever climb now are physical hills and metaphorical mountains. Most of what I talk and think about is when everything was nice for me and there were no new people I "had to meet" and my life (which was of great joy to me) only consisted of school and home. Along with the occasional outing to the store or a birthday party.
Five years ago I lived in a small part of a city called the Valley. I was ten the last time I ever saw my childhood home. It was old and small, although it stood on 4 acres. The property was full of junk. It had been passed down to my Dad when his father died just a little after I was born. And father like son, they were packrats. And disappointingly my dad was poor.
My mom was better off. I got to visit her every week and every other weekend. Her house was large, on 3 acres. Most of all, with her, the property was clean. So I had two homes and a bit too much stress for a single digit aged child. My mom has a boyfriend but they have been together since I was almost two.(technically they are married) My dad also had a girlfriend and I loved all four of my parents. My dads girlfriend did not love all of his children.
I have an older sister and two younger siblings from my dad and seven siblings from my mom. I am halfway an only child. At my moms I am fought over by my siblings and at my dads I was used in fights between him and his girlfriend. Either way I was terrified and the only way to live was to do everything perfectly. Do what I was told. Like the things that would never get me in trouble and do what everyone or no one else wanted to do.
Living so noisy was very difficult for me because I have always enjoyed the beauty and quiet of everything. I pay attention to feeling and color and I hear almost everything. Things from far away and things that over lap. Example, multiple conversations happening at the same time. I can hear it and often times it's just to much.
One of the worst parts is that nobody knows. And no one knows how I feel or think. I can't tell anyone because everyone has something going on and I don't want to add to anyone's burdens. I don't know how to talk about myself to people. Because of all this, everyone thinks that there is nothing wrong with me and that my life is literally perfect when it's anything but.

The first time I moved was with my dad and my two younger siblings Lyssa and Brennan(they are twins) into my aunts house. The inside of her house was dirty and messy but I did what I could to live sanitarily. Then one day when I was at a neighbors house my dad came with a not so great surprise for me. He brought me outside and said
   " We can't live with Rossy anymore." He had red along his eyes.
   "Why not? Did something happen?!" My voice raised just slightly.
   "No body is hurt or anything but someone spilled milk on a game or something and she is furious. She thinks it was Lys or Nano. She told me we have to leave."
   "Oh." I was stunned.
I blurted,"Does she hate us now?"
   "No. She doesn't hate us. She just doesn't want us to live there any more."
   "Oh. Okay. But, where will we go?"

    We gathered some of our stuff up and went to someone down the street. A friend of my dads who I had only met twice and now I was expected to live with. I didn't trust them one bit and they didn't seem like very good people to me. I've always been able to tell things about people like I knew who they were inside and how they would affect me. I knew it about Aunt Rossy and I knew about these people as well. I was not able to voice how I felt. Not even once.    
It was coming close to the end of seventh grade, I was doing well enough academically and had a few sustainable friendships. I was a 'New Kid' but I was smart and quiet so people latched onto me pretty quick, if they noticed me. I was a good kid. My dad always told me so, as did all my friends. I didn't do bad things, never got in trouble and had most of the 'things' I needed, seems as I am a human.
Then my mom moved to Arizona and what can I do about that. On my eleventh birth day I got my 'once a month lady' and had my aunt to help me but then we moved out and things were hostile. I would have loved to have my mom with me in the beginning of that step to woman hood.
    Then summer came. I moved in with my older sister on my moms side who was really close to my dad even after they separated. I was with her for my 8th grade year and I lost contact with any and all friends. I had become completely alone but the most important thing is that it didn't bother me. Not I'm in the slightest. It was quiet and I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything. Just how I liked it. I was in trouble a lot with her because she was going through some things and took her frustration out on me but I got back into reading and that is a great thing to be into.
    I moved back with my dad 4 days before my freshman year. But my dad had moved to a smaller town just outside of the big city the Valley was inside of. So I was new again.
    But this time I was ignored. Then I met Callie.
                 And that is where it started.

         Hi. This is my first time writing to gain an audience, so if your here and you like my story (which I have actually worked very hard on, and I think is good enough for now) then, thank you sooo so very much.😊
         I would love feed back to see what other readers like and dislike. There are many things I need to work on as a young writer and I hope to grow myself and my stories from the experience. Please enjoy 🤗 and have an amazing day🎉 🥳.
      The next chapter might be in July's first person but it also might be in someone else's. I'm not sure just yet. 🙏 Thank you.