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Review #36 | Wedding of Harry and Ginny

Title: Wedding of Harry and Ginny

Author: harryginnyhermione

Summary: [no score—not added to final score]

I decided not to score your summary, since it doesn't really fit the traditional summary style. That being said, it gives the reader a good summary of what to expect, so great job!

Grammar: 2/5

I know that, in your form, you specifically asked me to ignore grammatical errors since it is your first story. However, I do want to go over a few things because it did end up impacting the story as a whole. For example, the inconsistent tenses made it difficult to follow the story occasionally, as well as some of the incorrect punctuation marks and overall redundancy. I thought I would go through some general examples, just so that you can get an idea on how to fix them.

Let's start with dialogue! Your story is quite dialogue-heavy, so it makes sense to start here. To begin with, when you have multiple characters speaking, they need their own paragraph. For example, you wrote:

"I know but still...."Harry was stopped by Ginny in between "Everyone is saying that the war was not your fault."

It should be:

"I know, but still..."

Harry was stopped by Ginny. "Everyone is saying that the war was not your fault."

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. When dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'they exclaimed – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question, and an exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"So let's follow this trace. Said Hermione

First of all, your sentence needs a full-stop at the end. Next of all, we need the quotation marks at the end of the dialogue. Finally, since 'said Hermione' is a dialogue tag, it should look like:

"So let's follow this trace," said Hermione.

Here are some other examples from your story:

"Harry! What happened to you when Hagrid said you were dead." Ginny asked

Your sentence about Hagrid doesn't really make sense. Consider:

"Harry! What happened to you?" Ginny asked. "Hagrid said you were dead."

Next:

"I am so sorry gin."

Please ensure you are capitalising proper nouns, including names. It should be:

"I am so sorry, Gin."

Next:

"Augustus Rockwood is also there?" Ron said

Please ensure you are ending your sentences with full-stops. It should be:

"Augustus Rockwood is also there?" Ron said.

Finally:

Ginny then help Harry to get up and then kisses him. Ron and Hermione then came.

In the example above, your tenses are inconsistent. Kisses is present tense, came is past tense, and help is neither. You need to pick one tense and keep it consistent. You should also avoid too much redundancy; having 'then' twice in a single sentence can be awkward to read. Assuming you go with past tense as your tense, it should be: