Broken Without You

Chapter 9

By dawn the following morning, you and Joel were in the stables saddling up two horses for the trip. Neither of you had mentioned the kiss you shared last night. It was as if it never even happened.

Joel secured the straps on his horse while you leant against the wooden post and watched him. The cool winter breeze swept through the stable and you hugged your new jacket tighter around your chest.

The bruise along your jaw was now blue and purple and sore to touch, but to your surprise the one around your eye wasn't too bad, so you counted that as a small victory.

You watched Joel move onto your horse, throwing the leather saddle over its back and securing it. You wanted to ask him about the kiss, but at the same time, you didn't.

Joel was an attractive man. You knew that from the moment you stole his gun in that apartment building and woke him up all those months ago. There was no denying that you were attracted to him, you'd have to be blind not to be. He hated you back then, but somewhere along the way that hatred had turned into mutual respect and maybe something a little more.

Seeing him with Ellie and how protective he was over her, then seeing how worried he was of you last night and then the kiss... your feelings and emotions were all over the place.

You had tried to keep him at arm's length, and you were pretty sure he had been doing the same with you too. It was easier that way. So, what changed?

"Joel?" You suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Mmm?" He hummed while continuing to saddle the horse, not looking at you.

"Why did you kiss me last night?"

Joels hand paused on the saddle buckle, his entire body freezing at your question.

He didn't say anything for the longest time. Your question catching him off guard like he just assumed that you wouldn't bring this topic up, but now that you had, he didn't know what to say.

"It was a mistake." He eventually answered, looking down at the ground.

"Was it?" You asked, trying to ignore how much those four words actually hurt.

It wasn't like you expected Joel to confess his undying love to you or anything. But, that kiss... it felt like it meant something. And it wasn't until now that you realised your heart had been hoping that it did. You had been hoping it meant something to him, but it didn't.

"It won't happen again, I promise." He muttered.

"What if I wanted it to happen again?" You found yourself asking before you could stop yourself.

That had Joel turning around, those beautiful brown eyes meeting yours as a wave of emotion washed over him, but he shook his head.

"Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because I won't be able to stop myself from kissing you if you do."

"Is that such a bad thing?" You asked, pushing yourself away from the wall and taking a few steps towards him.

Joel looked away, his jaw clenched shut like he was physically restraining himself from saying something he so desperately wanted to.

"You came here to say goodbye or something?" Ellie's voice suddenly questioned causing you both to nearly jump too caught up in the moment to notice anyone else.

"No." Joel quickly said, his voice rougher than usual as he rubbed his face with his hands before continuing. "I came here to steal one of these horses and go."