Fixation (excerpt) - moved to Galatea

Chapter 3

It's 8:15 pm, and I'm ready to head out. I decided to walk there, and get a taxi back. The Pidgeon is half an hour away, and I'm hoping the walk will help me calm the nerves that were wracking me all day long. Last night, I calmed myself with half a bottle of wine, and then did something I'm less than proud of today. But all that repressed sexual energy had to be dealt with. After I came, I felt ashamed of my weakness. Vernon's very limited interest in me shouldn't be something that I get off to. Several times today, I regretted my decision to accept this stupid "reunion", but canceling it now would just make me look like a coward. Which I am, when it comes to him, apparently.

Not happy at all with myself, I tug down the hem of my black velvety wrap dress, throw a glance at myself in the mirror, and head out. The night is balmy and warm, and the city is bustling with people. The last days of summer are too precious to be wasted indoors.

I arrive before him. Park myself a short distance away from the door, and busy myself with people-watching. A familiar face catches my attention. Gordon. Another ex.

When it rains, it pours.

"Fucking hell," I mutter and look away, but not before I catch him plodding through the crowd toward me.

"Mae, hey, Mae," he yells, and I have to look up. He knows I saw him. With a fake smile plastered on my face, I wait for him to reach me.

"Hello, Gordon," I say when his now slightly bulkier frame stops in front of me. His plaid shirt is casually untucked, offering a view of a black t-shirt underneath. With glee, I notice his belly spilling out of the waist of his tight trousers.

"Oh my God," he starts, his hawkish green eyes that I once found mesmerizing creasing in corners, "I can't believe it's you. I haven't seen you in ages."

"Yes, well... "

He excitedly continues.

"I thought you moved away. I asked Teresa about you, but she told me you don't really hang out anymore."

"Yes, that's true. I am still in the city, though."

His eyes widen like he finds it unbelievable.

"Where are you hiding, then? Are you not going out at all anymore? Did you marry and have heaps of children?" He laughs, caressing his belly.

"I'm just, you know, around. I work a lot."

Not really. I'm just a homebody now, addicted to film review podcasts and home improvement shows, but I'm not going to share anything personal with yet another ex. Vernon is more than I can manage for tonight.

"Oh well, we all do," he agrees," but I used to run at you all the time before. It's like you vanished."

I want to say, I saw you more often than I preferred for years as well, but I bite my tongue.

"As you can see, I am alive and well."

He looks around as if searching for someone.

"Who you're with, then? Don't tell me you're alone," he gives me a pitying look. I want to slap him.

"She's not alone," comes Vernon's voice, before he stops next to Gordon. I wish for the ground to open up and swallow us all.

Gordon's eyes widen to an almost comical degree. He glances at me, then back at Vernon, who is not even sparing him a cursory look. How the tables have turned, I think. Gordon and I broke up because he planned to leave the country for work. I suffered silently, not wanting to ruin his opportunity with my boring infatuation. He, however, stayed because the deal fell through, but didn't pick it up with me. Vernon and I started dating two months later, after I realized that I moped and waited long enough and needed a distraction. Which he was, Vernon. In the beginning.