Texting Augustus

1

It's so boring, my life I mean. If there was an award for the most boring teenager in the whole world, it would be me. I can be weird and funny, but I am tired of it. I am tired of putting that mask on. My lips hurt from the fake smiles I give to everyone.

I don't want to accept that I am not okay. I'm okay. I'll be alright. I'll survive. Survive, that's what I keep doing till now. I am not living; I am surviving.

I sit up from my bed with determination. I am going to socialize today, yes. Definitely not a bad idea. I pick up my phone from the bedside table and open the app I have not touched for years.

No messages, no comments. I used to write stories in this app and made a lot of friends too. Well, I thought I made friends, but it seems they don't miss me. They don't even care to say hello.

Do not be discouraged, Aria, you came to socialize and you're going to do it. I pat my shoulder. I click on the group with thousands and thousands of messages. I do not care to read.

[Group chat]

[The reason behind Global boiling]

Flat chest: Ever wondered why you were born?

Foodie: To eat -_-

Silver Fox: -_-

Idoweeb: Nani?

Augustus: I, for one, ask myself the same question. No luck yet, unfortunately. I shall inform you all if I ever find the answer.

Aria: To cause chaos probably. Hello there.

Flat chest: Welcome to the Reason Behind Global Warming group.

Not interested: New reason??! We got a new reason behind global warming.

Augustus: Do not mind her. She means new member.

Aria: Yes, lol.

Aria: So, are we questioning our life?

Flat chest: No, I'm questioning my size. What do you think?

Aria: Ah! OK.

Not interested: Hello unnie, I'm 13. Nice to meet you.

Aria: Hello :)

Not interested: So, who is your BTS husband?

Aria: Umm... I don't have one.

Aria: I gotta go, bye.

Not your barbie girl: Y'all scared her away.

Flat chest: Not me, she was asking silly questions.

Not interested: Where did unnie go?

Flat chest: Probably to measure her size.

Silver Fox: -_-

Idoweeb: Nani?

I failed miserably. Why ask silly questions? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I banged my head on my pillow. "Mom is calling…" My little brother stopped midway after watching me bang my head.

"No, stop," I shouted, and he ran away. "MOM, ARIA IS POSSESSED BY A GHOST!" he yelled. Did I tell you my brother is a scaredy cat? Now you know. Embarrassing.

I walked down to the dining table where my mom was serving food for us. "Wash your hands and sit," my mom ordered when I was on my way to wash my hands. I don't want to do that anymore.

Isn't it annoying when you get ordered about things you were just going to do already? I bore with it and did my business. Arguing with Mom is pointless. It's a waste of energy when you already know you can never win if she is the opponent.

Food is always the best part, whether it is a bad or a good day. Food makes everything better. A lot of people agree with me.

"I am going shopping tomorrow. Would you like to join me?" Mom asked, and I shook my head.

"You are becoming a fat baboon sitting all day in the house," she started her list of criticism. "Have you seen the idols you watch? Have you ever looked at their figure? At least learn something." No, I care more about their songs than their figures.

When will this dinner end? My mother has both a good side to her and a bad side. The bad side is her body-shaming me. I don't like it at all, but then again, she says it because she's worried about my health. From what I've seen, there are two kinds of people. There are people who can eat a lot of food and stay skinny, and then there are people who get fat even just by breathing. I belong to the latter.

The good side is she is the strongest person I know in this whole world. I have seen her struggles. I have seen her give her all while getting nothing in return. I have seen her fall and stand up again, and it was all done by the closest people she believed were her family.

Sometimes the closest person is the most dangerous. They have the power to hurt you. I love her, but there are times I wish I was not born. I want to sleep so badly. I pushed away the half-empty plates and started to leave.

"Aria?" I stopped and turned to look at her.

"You know I am doing this for your own good." I nodded my head and walked away.

Oh, I know, I know everything. It's not my fault for being chubby nor her fault for asking me to get my life together. It's society. Society messes with us more than life. People are slaves to societal trends, the whole system is messed up for believing skinny girls are pretty and then telling the same skinny girls that they're too skinny. They are never satisfied.

It's a never-ending cycle with toxic beauty standards where you're never good enough.

I was born cozy and cuddly. I am healthy, not wealthy... we're getting off topic, Aria. We will pretend I did not just think what I thought, and I will completely ignore the fact that I am having a full-on conversation with myself in my head. So where were we? Yes...

So it's best to satisfy yourself and mind your own business because you never know when it's the end. One day you're going to die anyway. So just lift your head and walk your walk.

I remember this quote I saw somewhere: "Only if our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, imagine how different our ideas of beauty would be." It's stuck in my mind, and I really wonder, what if?

I can't get it out of my head, and I try to imagine how different things would be if it was true.