Paradox of Love

Lay it all out

This is the third festival and I still have yet to talk to Lou. She's been avoiding me at all costs. We watch the movie, answer questions, and then she conveniently disappears directly after. As much as my heart calls me to, I'm not going to chase her. She clearly doesn't want to speak to me and who am I to force her? So we work and she's very professional, no more no less. I have to learn to be ok with this. I don't have any other choice.

We've just wrapped up questions, more so an interview. I mean they asked Lou and I the most and it was usually not pertaining to the movie. More personal than anything causing us to have to direct the conversation back each time. Lou's better at it than I am, of course. She also makes it fun and entertaining with her jokes which is nice. As I'm walking off the stage and getting ready to call my driver I hear someone call my name. Not just anyone, I heard her call my name. I turn around slowly to see her jogging up to catch me. "Hi" she says quietly, "hey" I reply sorta confused.

"I was uh- did you want to get lunch with me, perhaps? Of course if you're busy it's no issue, I just-" "sure" I cut off her rambling. It's quite hard to watch her like that so I decided to make it easier for her. "Oh! Alright. Let me just grab my things, my driver is already outside" she says rushing off to get her bag. I text my driver and let her know I don't need her at the moment. By the time I've sent the text and look up I see Lou coming towards me. "Ready?" She asks, ready as I'll ever be, "yep" I reply.

The drive there is silent, I don't really have much to say. Well nothing light-hearted or good and I was told if I don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. We arrive at the restaurant and go through the back entrance and to a private room. Having water brought to us immediately and then given time to look over the menu. I squint as I try to figure out what I want and once I've decided, I close the menu. I look up to see Lou still deciding, well not really. In all honesty I can tell she's avoiding my gaze so I grab my phone. I text a few of my friends and let them know how everything has been.

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress asks and I look up to see her smile. "Yes. I would like the chicken carbonara and... a bottle of Sauvignon blanc please" I say and she nods writing it down. "And for you ma'am" she turns to Lou, "um.. I'll have the same" she says. We hand her the menus and she looks at me one more time before leaving. "So..." Lou sighs, I just stare at her blankly, I mean what does she want me to say? "How have you been?" She asks softly with a hint of concern. "Fine" I reply coldly, "I'm sorry" she blurts out. "You're sorry... for what? Your lack of emotional intelligence? Leading me on? Or ignoring me?" I scoff, my words coming out harsh as a defense.

"All of it. Everything. Please believe me when I tell you I never meant to do that. I- I don't know what came over me-" "right. Because it's just not possible for someone like you to be interested in someone like me" I say leaning back. "That's not what I meant! I... god" she sighs softly. "What I'm trying to say, which might not be translating well, is that I do like you. I liked you then and I still do now. Piper I need you to understand that what I did... it was to protect you" I scoff at her. "To protect me? I don't need protecting Louise, I'm not a child. Admit it. What you did was for you" I say a bit softer at the end.

"You're right. I didn't want to get hurt, ok? Can you blame me? I mean look at you... you can have anyone you want! I knew when filming was done you'd have to go home. I'd have to stay, where we made all those memories. I couldn't bear going all the way and then having to forget you. I could never forget you. Please tell me you're hearing me? I need you to hear this" she says quietly. The room fills with silence once more. Just the distant clinking of glasses and silverware against plates sounding from the main dining room.

"You really thought I'd leave you? You? Do you know how much of a complete fool I would have to be to do that? I would've stayed if you asked me. When I said I'd do anything for you, I meant that" I say seriously. "I guess I just- well it's not that I didn't believe you. I didn't want you bringing your life to a halt... for me" she says softly. "Lou... I would go to the ends of the earth and make it stop spinning if it would make you happy. I would pull the moon and stars down just so you could see them up close. That's not because you need it, it's because I'd want that for you. Me staying would've been because I wanted to. I don't do anything I don't wanna do, you know that" I explain.

She looks at me for a moment, her eyes glazed with tears. She quickly blinks them away and softly smiles. "Will you... would you give me a second chance? I'll beg if that's what you want" she says sincerely. "No need. I often wish I was stronger when it came to you, but I'd give you a million chances" I express softly. "I promise to never let you do that. I'll get it right this time" she swears and we both smile.