Leaving, loving, longing

Loving

After about a week, I needed to go back to school. It was a shitty school, but it wasn't horrible. The first person I met was a girl named Myla. She rode my bus but didn't get too close to me. The day was going on for what seemed like forever. Until the 4th period, it was a mess of trying to find all of my classes. I sat in the back of the class, like how I did in all of my other classes. A girl with black, curly hair sat next to me. She wore a skirt and fishnet stockings. "I like your outfit," I said. She smiled and said thanks.

I got home and dropped my bag on the floor. I just wanted to crawl out of my skin and never return. This wasn't going to be the best year. This I was sure of.

The first week was rough, but after I found all of my classes, it got easier. The girl from my fourth period had become my friend. Her name was Lotus. It wasn't until a couple of months later that I found out they wanted to be called Ally and that they prefer they/she pronouns.

After we were friends, I found out that she and I had a lot in common. Their mom was also from Wisconsin, and they lived there for 2 years. They lived close to me and quickly became my best friend. I never showed it, but I wish I did.

The days seemed to go quicker as teachers started assigning homework. I met another girl who rode my bus and turned out to have 3 classes with me. Her name was Adalyn. She was short, had blonde hair and blue eyes and glasses. She hardly ever wore them, but her dad made her wear them in front of him. The only thing that bothered me was how much she was like her dad. Her dad was a bigger man with no respect for women, black people, or people in the LGBTQIA+ community. She was also a grade younger than me, her being in 7th and me being in 8th. She sat next to me every day on the bus, and we quickly became close. I soon found out that she and Ally had met in a science class they had together. Ally was also in 7th grade.

It was already October, and I had met a boy in my science class named Jackson. He was a kind boy who, looking back on it, looked like my brother. I told Ally about him, and she told me that he probably likes me back.

Jackson sat next to me in science class, and we talked a lot. I was way smarter than him, so he always asked to copy off of my homework and tests. I couldn't let him down, so I let him. "Thank you, Anya, you're the best," he said one day, and I felt my face get red. One day, while we were writing notes, he took my hand and looked at my ring. My eyes widened as he had taken my hand gently. I pulled the ring off and set it in front of him. He played with it for about 40 seconds before sliding it back onto my finger. I felt his knee tap my mine twice, and he smiled at me. I tried to focus on the notes, but I knew my face was red.

The next day was a Friday and I wanted him to notice me. Looking back, it was pathetic. I wore high rise, wide leg jeans, and a blue shirt with white flowers on it. I wore my hair down and made sure it had volume to it. "You look great," Adalyn said. I thanked her and had to go to science. I walked into the class and sat down. Jackson looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and looked at the board as the teacher had started talking. Jackson kept tapping my leg with his own and tried to write the answers down as quickly as he could. We had to do a lab that day. The boy across from us stood up and started to help with it. The other boy was also good-looking, but he never really talked to me.

After we finished the lab, I had to get sheets from the front of the classroom and bring them back to our table. Jackson kept looking at me and looking down at my paper and smiling. I pushed it next to him, and he started writing down the answers. Looking back, he seemed like he actually cared for me. "Anya, I love you," he said when we ended the lab. "I-," I started. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I looked down. "Love you too," I finally spat out. He smiled at me and the boy across the table from us. I was the only girl at the table and felt awkward, so I went to the bathroom.

Once I got back, he looked at me and smiled again. I didn't know why, but I felt like I didn't want it. I grabbed my stuff as it was almost time to go. I just wanted to go home. It's not that I didn't care for him, but we had only met a couple weeks ago and we weren't even dating. 'He probably meant it in a platonic way,' I kept trying to tell myself. I wanted to leave.