Shrimp Christ

2: J is for Jeremy and Jury and also Jail

Jeremy had barely even begun to burn away in the fires when a hand at the back of his shirt collar pulled him out of the flames. It was Shrimp Christ, which was expected because he was the only other being around, but also unexpected because he didn't have hands.

"Kid, this ain't treason against God," Shrimp Christ said, setting Jeremy on the ground away from the burning building and shaking his head in dismay. "Ya can't just go setting random churches on fire, it just don't work like that. And if you'd read the sign you'd see this is my church, see?"

Above the wall Jeremy had just tried to burn, there was a sign that had most certainly not been there before covering part of a few windows and an air vent. It was written in the same font as the restaurant sign and read: "SHRIMP CHURCH".

"Oh. My apologies my lord" Jeremy said, even though he couldn't quite read the sign against the sharp glare of the sunlight.

Shrimp Chirst began to drift away in the other direction, golden robes floating elegantly in the wind behind him, Jeremy hurrying to follow close behind. "Now listen," Shrimp Christ said, "treason against God ain't what ya think it is. It ain't burning churches and being sacreligious in the traditional sense. I mean, does this look like Dante's Inferno to you?"

Jeremy glanced around at the bright blue skies and wavering outlines of heat-miraged buildings. "Uhh...I'm not sure, my Lord. I've never read Dante's Inferno," he admitted. "Is that the one with the pickle dealer?"

"The what? No, that's Carl's Inferno. And that was just rhetoric so just agree next time, will ya?"

"Sorry, my Lord. No, this doesn't look like Dante's Inferno."

"I didn't mean this time- ah, whatever," Shrimp Christ sighed. "Anyhow, God doesn't care what other folks think is sacrilegious. Treason is anything he considers a personal offense."

"And what would that be?"

"Hell if I know, kid. I'm not Jesus, God and I ain't close like that. And even if ya manage to offend him, it still might not be treasony enough to get an audience. I myself have tried before cuz I ain't allowed in heaven usually, and I haven't done it yet."

Jeremy sighed in dismay. Even with insider advice he still was no closer to his goal. Never had his garlic bread felt further out of his reach. Before, at least he had been able to dream that there was an easy way to get up to the heavens, that a minor deity with a grudge could beam him up in an instant and he could continue on to his grand battle against God. But the only deity he had found had been exiled and didn't know what God considered treason.

Nonetheless, he couldn't help but hope that perhaps this shrimp-shaped lord could help him yet, and he certainly wouldn't disrespect such a fellow by leaving the instant he had proven not as useful as Jeremy had hoped. But about that...

Even if Jeremy planned to leave, he wouldn't know how. He and Shrimp Christ still traveled down this empty cobblestone road towards destination unknown. They walked, if that can be said of Shrimp Christ, past the place where Jeremy must have entered from, but he saw no door. In fact, despite that they were seemingly in a town, he saw no doors anywhere, only walls and windows. So then, if he had to exit the same way he entered, would he have to break the glass? Or maybe jump into the ocean which he hadn't seen or smelled but through his intuition knew was here?

And so he supposed there was nothing to do in this situation but to continue down this path with Shrimp Christ. He asked, "Lord Shrimp, could you please tell me where we're going?"

"Hm? I was goin home, cuz I forgot my wallet, and then I was gonna head to Chipotle," Shrimp Christ said without glancing back. "How 'bout you?"

"Oh..." Then Shrimp Christ must have not paid a visit to him specifically, he just lived here. In fact, Jeremy realized, at no point had Shrimp Christ ever said he would help with this revenge quest, he had just answered his questions like the honest fellow he is. Jeremy's heart sank. He truly had been set back to square one.