where stars land | haobin

six.

Hanbin, Zhanghao realises, walks incredibly fast when he wants to. He has to pick up into a slight jog in order to catch up to the other boy before he reaches the end of the corridor, and even then Hanbin refuses to slow down.

"Hanbin, please-" Zhanghao reaches out to grab him by the arm and Hanbin stills, visibly tensing up as he shakes the other boy's hand off him.

"Hanbin-ah, how much of that did you hear? Please talk to me, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Hanbin's shoulders shake ever so slightly as he speaks, and Zhanghao realises belatedly he's trying to hold back tears. "You're leaving in two weeks, and you didn't even think to tell me? Everyone had to know before I did?"

"Hanbin, I'm sorry," Zhanghao begins desperately, words falling over each other on their way out of his mouth in his rush to speak. "I know I should have told you sooner. I just didn't know how, and I needed some time to think things through first. I really wanted to tell you, please believe me when I say this."

Hanbin refuses to meet his eyes, scrubbing at falling tears with angry, deliberate swipes. "Why are you leaving?"

"Juilliard offered me a full-ride scholarship to study music and they want me there a couple months early," Zhanghao continues. "So I'll be fluent in English by the time school starts. They almost had me leave at the end of this week, but I argued for two weeks more. I'm sorry, Hanbin, I really am. But this scholarship is everything to me. I can't afford to give up this opportunity."

"I know," Hanbin replies quietly. "I know you can't. I just wish you'd told me sooner."

"I'm sorry," Zhanghao says, for what feels like the millionth time in the past five minutes. It doesn't matter; he'll apologise a million times more if it means he can turn back time and fix things. "I should have told you. I just didn't want things to change so quickly."

"But things were already changing," Hanbin answers. "Whether you hid it or not."

"I know," Zhanghao says, eyes downcast. "I wanted to feel like everything was still perfect for just a while longer."

Hanbin looks up, and Zhanghao crumbles to pieces in his embrace. They don't let go, not for a long while; for the first time in their lives, it's time they're short of, and as Zhanghao feels Hanbin's heart beating against his, steady, constant, he finds himself for the first time in his life missing something that hasn't yet ended.

"Congratulations on getting the scholarship," Hanbin whispers into his ear where his face is buried in the crook of the other boy's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of pine and comfort. They both know what's coming now; in the last two weeks before he leaves, Hanbin will have to learn to say goodbye to the one thing he never thought he'd say goodbye to.

The thought stabs into him like a knife and twists, somewhere deep down inside of him, and it hurts so acutely Zhanghao can't bring himself to answer. All he does is hold Hanbin close, as the seconds begin to slip away through open fingers.