Chapter 12

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"It's not that I don't have feelings for you, I do. I'm just really scared of hurting you. I'm scared that I might not be the right guy for you."

That went a whole lot better than I thought it would. At least he's not totally rejecting me. Something tells me he doesn't want anything to change either, so I say: "Shall we just leave it alone for now and continue where we left off?"

He agrees to that and we immediately plan another "date". One of my best friends made his appartment available for us because it was empty while he was at work, so we went there two days later. We didn't say a word about my feelings until after we had great sex again. Everytime I slee with him, it's like reality just dissapears for a moment.

I tell him about Owen and his feelings for me and that didn't surprise him at all. Boys will be boys, I guess. It was a shocker for me, an evidence for him.

I get a little frustrated because he hasn't mentioned feelings whatsoever. He told me he has feelings for me to, so why not address it? I take a deep breath and blurt out: "Are you just going to pretend you didn't say what you said?" He looks at me in confusion and asks me what exactly he said. I tell him: "You told me you feel something." He stares at the ceiling and then calmly says: "I feel a lot. Warmth, cold..."

I am shocked with his carelessness and immediately turn away from him. I can't do this, not today. I put on my clothes and my shoes and tell him I have to go. He knows he messed up, he just doesn't want to admit it yet.

We walk out the door and without even saying goodbye, I go home with my heart completely shattered.

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