The Things I Never Got To Say- Thoughts and Poems

Mumble Apology

They say I mumble a lot
Too much for their liking
"I cant hear you"
Or
"Speak up"
Constantly demanded of me,
coming from their foul mouths.
I can't help the fact my words come out different
All wavery, quick, incoherent.
I want to speak up,
But for years, I have been silenced.
I lost the right to talk, speak up, stand up for myself at all.
I am quiet now and I mumble,
But for reasons uncontrollable.
I don't want to apologize for my voice, but when it had been shut out so often it's hard to know how to talk, how to make up an apology.
So I do
As best as I can.
"I'm sorry, I can't help it"
But all I recieve in return:
"Of course you can, speak louder"
I can't, no, no, no
If I could, I wouldn't
Like thick vines growing around the base of my throat, when I fail to pursue my voice,
people are disappointed.
The roots of failure grown in me,
my words fastened on my tongue.
I'm sorry I talk slow, fast, uneasy
But I can't help it at all.
So please, accept my apology, I'm honestly trying my best
to not roll my words or stutter,
to speak clear and coherent for you to listen.
So if I am quiter than you,
my words less confident or strong,
take back one thing:
To begin, I was never actually in the wrong