the first one • j. hughes

15

Age 16:

"We should get lemonade after this one," I said.

It was one of the better car shows. Mainly because it wasn't too hot after it got pushed into May instead of July like usual. Also 'cause it's not purely cars. As much as I share my dad's appreciation and love for cars, I've never been able to handle a whole day of nothing but them. Looking at them and then taking a break to walk around vendors and repeat? I can handle that.

That's exactly what Jack and I were doing. We were at some woodwork booth. Things like mini statues and cutting boards and toys and more. I was seriously considering getting a truck that looked exactly like Dad's. I wish I had.

"Yeah, for sure," Jack said, almost offhandedly. He tugged one of the belt loops on my shorts to get me closer to him. He was looking at little wooden hockey pucks with some of the NHL team logos burned into them. "Wouldn't it be sick if I just randomly bought one of these and then next month that's the team that picks me?"

I shrugged. "They don't even have a New Jersey one."

"Way too confident." He laughed. The red in his cheeks wasn't from a lack of sunscreen though.

"Not my fault I believe in you."

"It is so your fault."

"Yeah, okay." I bumped my shoulder into his. "So? Lemonade?"

He copied my shoulder bump. "Only if we get two different flavors and share."

I nodded and started to walk out of the little tent thing. My mistake was smiling at the lady in charge of it, bringing attention to our empty hands. "Y'know we have some couples stuff you two could check out. If you haven't already."

Everything stopped. Did we seem like a couple? I stepped forward once. A lazy attempt at making distance from the boy behind me. We couldn't—

"Nah, no," Jack said, laughing a little. At one point, I would have been crushed but I wasn't that time. I was just panicked. The lady looked confused and Jack laughed some more. "I have a girlfriend."

That's why I was so freaked out. If we really did seem like a couple to others, I was disgusted with myself. I didn't want to be one of those girls. I'd met Jack's girlfriend. She was a goddamn sweetheart. I'd probably be sick to my stomach if I knew any boyfriend of mine had strangers thinking he was dating anyone but me. Never, ever did I want to cross that line. Did I cross that line? Or was it simply an attempt at making a sale?

"Oh," the lady said, frowning. "Well, maybe you can find something for you and your girlfriend."

Jack put his hands on my shoulders and started walking us forward. "I might come back. Thanks though."

I was so dazed in my anger and disgust with myself. Jack guided us through the crowds to the lemonade stand before I realized what was happening and shrugged him off. All I could focus on was that feeling in my stomach. A churning flurry of guilt at my actions that I wasn't even sure I made.

"What's up?" Jack asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"The heat messing with you?"

"No, I'm fine," I snapped.

His face fell. He stayed silent. Where the hell was that third wheel of ours when I needed him? That's the first time I realized a lot of my issues have happened because Luke wasn't there. I was thinking, when was the last time I got in trouble with only Luke? Short answer: A million years ago. Jack, however, was almost always present when anything happened.

"I think I know why we've never been allowed to stay home alone just the two of us," I said.

Jack shrugged. "I figured that out after we got in trouble for eating one of the cupcakes that were meant to be a surprise for Penn."

"That was your idea." It's true. Everyone was in the backyard and we were in the kitchen looking through the fridge for anything that seemed good. The cupcakes seemed good. Jack told me to eat one and I said only if he did.

"If I jumped off a bridge—"

The roll of my eyes cut him off. "You sound like my mother."

"And my mother and our fathers and my brothers and your sis—"

"Okay, dude," I said. "Enough of that."

Jack poked my side and I jumped a half-step away. "You know you want to smile."

The gross feeling answers for me, a shake of the head. I almost felt fucking paranoid. Any more steps along the line between normal friends and potentially pissing off a girlfriend and I might have started looking over my shoulder. Sure, he meant nothing by any of his actions. That didn't matter.

"Okay, fine." He acted as if he was looking at the menu with his arms crossed. As if we hadn't ordered from this same lemonade stand a million times over the summers.

An arm swung around my shoulders and I was about to shrug Jack off except it wasn't Jack. It was Quinn, bringing me relief and a third wheel to rely on.

"Wanna get three different flavors and share 'em all?" The oldest Hughes asked.

Jack shrugged. "Ask Pouty McPoutface over here."

"Does he knows he's the one pouting?" Quinn whispered, earning a glare from his brother. He dropped his voice even more and turned his head to be right by my ear. "What's going on?"

"We're getting lemonade," I said. Then dropped my voice to match Quinny. "I'll tell you later."

Quinn probably expected me to spill my guts about having a crush on Jack. Instead, an hour later in the backseat of one of the two cars Dad brought to the show, I explained to him how guilty I felt for not even doing anything. At least not intentionally. All he told me was, "One of these days, I need you to realize that nothing with you and Jack can be simple or easy or fucking normal. Even when it should be. 'Cause you're dumbasses. Mainly him. But you too."