the first one • j. hughes

36

Age 13:

Here's what I didn't say about that summer of mine and Luke's first kiss. Before that day, Jack was practically attached to my other hip. A lot of the time during those middle school ages he was more into following after Quinn and Penn. He was always trying to be one of the older boys. That summer, it was all him tagging along with me and Luke all the time.

And I think maybe I should have expected there to be a change. I was thirteen. I hadn't had that much experience with boys liking me. Whether they realized they did or not. In Jack's case, up until the day before mine and Luke's first kiss, he didn't really realize it. Accidentally, I made him realize it.

Luke and I were coming down from laughing at some inside joke that isn't even that funny. Wasn't then, and still isn't now. The three of us had been sitting on the docked boat for a while. Technically, we weren't supposed to. Technically, that rule was never explicitly made.

"I'm going to go get a Gatorade," Jack announced.

The two of us watched him get out of the boat and head for the house. It wasn't until he was sure Jack was out of earshot that Luke decided to run his mouth.

"Aren't you going to go with him?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"This is the first time all week he's left us alone," Luke said.

"Maybe." My shrug was lazy. "So what if he likes hanging out with his little brother?"

"He's not hanging out with us for me."

Scrunching my nose a bit, I started getting out of the boat myself. "He's not hanging out with us for me either."

"Yeah, okay," he said with every ounce of sarcasm he had.

"You want a drink or do you like the hallucinations you get out of being dehydrated?"

"I think I'm good." Then, sending me a shit-eating grin, he added, "Have fun following after Jack. He'll love it."

Instead of even dignifying him with a response, I walked off. It was dumb. Out of all the times to make that comment, that summer wasn't even a good one. Jack wasn't on my radar that way. I liked having him around as only a friend. If anyone got that second best friend spot, it'd be him.

Though looking back, he wasn't just around as only a friend. The way his entire face brightened once he saw it was me coming through the back door by the little nook. I should have known. He should have too. But at that point, he didn't quite know.

"Hey, Ken," he said, closing the fridge without taking his eyes off me. A lemon-lime Gatorade in his hand.

"Hey, Row," I said back. Luke's comment was stuck in the back of my mind. I tried pushing it away. "Any lemonade in there?"

He shook his head. "Patton asked for Kool-Aid, I guess."

Mom had this rule that each day one of us got to choose what got put in the pitcher. If all of us drank whatever the choice was together, the pitcher would usually be done by the end of the day. Some choices like grape Kool-Aid usually was still there by the end of the day. Penn almost always chose grape on his day.

"Of course he did," I huffed.

"I can make you lemonade," Jack rushed out.

A frown took over my face because of Luke's words rushing around my head. "No. That's okay."

He nodded. His eyes suddenly found his drink to be the most interesting thing in the world. He picked at the corner of the wrapper around it. Read the nutrition label. Did practically anything but open it or look at me.

"We're best friends right?" I asked.

Jack froze. No more fidgeting. The boy stopped completely. Then, slowly, his eyes went from the bottle to me. "What?"

"We're best friends," I repeated. "We can hang out every day. We can share drinks, food, chairs, beds, and all that. We're best friends. Right?"

What I meant was, that's it. We're best friends and not anything more. What I was asking is if he sees me the same way I see him. A best friend. The person you ask to dance at a wedding but don't want pictures of it because your mom will just decide it means something more and show it off to everyone.

"Uh, I mean—" Jack stopped. He frowned. "What?"

"Remember when we told Brady about how you and I always like to volunteer to share a bed before anyone else and how he reacted?"

"He asked if I was in love with you," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah. But it's not like that. We're best friends."

He shook his head slightly before drastically redirecting to nod like a madman. Then he froze again. I should have known then. I shouldn't have had to wait for his blow-up the day after when Lu and I kissed. It was that simple. It was that obvious.

"Yeah, Kenny. Best friends." He walked right past me. To the door. "See you back down there?"

I nodded and he was gone. How did I not know? How was I that terrible at reading him back then? Except I wasn't bad at reading him. I was bad at reading him like a boy. A boy who could have romantic feelings for me. That wasn't something I knew and somehow, Jack wasn't an exception. It might have been the first time I truly could have realized he's more than my Jack. He's a guy.

"That was smooth," Penn mumbled, sliding past me to the fridge. He pulled out the pitcher of purple liquid.

"What was smooth?" I asked.

My brother shrugged and continued to get a glass of his drink. "That's for you to figure out. Your mess."

"My mess?"

"Problem?"

"Jack is nobody's problem," I stated.

"Yeah, but remember what Dad and Ellen always say?" He took a long sip of the medicinal-tasting liquid without even a second of a grimace. An obnoxious ahhh noise followed. "You're going to be somebody's problem."