❥ A Certain Stone

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Genre : Angst

I walk down the hall and rub my eyes, they burn and throb like they are on fire. The letters from weeks ago still rest on the table, I can't bring myself to read them, not even touch them.

I skip breakfast today and plop right on the couch, going right to my daily cycle of crying. Tissues stack on the side table of the couch as I ball my eyes out, nothing has changed since the day the ceremony was held.

I've seen myself getting slimmer each day with the lack of eating.

My eyes scan across the room, hoping to see something of him other than the old photo frames. I stare at the letters for a long minute before walking over and ever so slightly touching the thin paper. The least I want to do is read some pity letters.

But if I don't do it now, then I probably won't get myself to do it anytime soon.

Reaching for the first paper, I rip the envelope and unfold the paper. I scan the paper to the bottom and read the name.

Gon.

"Hm," I stop crying and become focused on the letters.

Killua, Leorio...

"Even Hisoka wrote me one," I laugh to myself. "Shocker."

I read the letters about how they feel so sorry for me and they hope that I am able to feel happy again soon. But I really don't know if that's possible with how heartbreaking it is.

Some say they hope I am able to keep him in my heart, and some others say that they hope I am able to find a new lover. I only want him, I don't care what condition he is in, I need only him.

I reach the bottom of the stack and notice how this one's writing is different, this person is calling me love?

"Someone must have thought the letters were for something different, the probably thought they needed to confess," I say with a small chuckle.

Kurapika.

I gasp as I read the name, I put a hand over my mouth. Why did he write me one, did he know this would happen...?

It cannot be someone playing tricks and games because this is clearly his handwriting...

After a minute of thinking I decide that it's most likely someone trying to mess with me and mocked his hand writing. I stand up to look through the photo frames of him, if someone were to walk in here, they would probably think I worship him with the amount there is.

I haven't visited him since after the ceremony, I should stop being a coward and go face it. I walk down the street, picking up a few pretty flowers on the way and walking a little faster.

I arrive at the gate and mumble a few things to myself before stepping in. I walk down the sidewalk and gulp, ashamed of myself for not visiting him recently.

The area has a uncomfortable loneliness to it, it's almost suffocating.

I finally arrive at a larger stone that sticks from the ground, I sit in front of it, hesitating to choke out my words.

"I'm sorry," is all I can say before I break down into tears again, it feels like my whole world is crumbling and eventually a boulder will come crashing from the sky and kill me.

I look at the little flowers that sprout and grow from the fresh soil above him. I sob harder as I recall his words.

"Please promise me that when I die, you'll plant flower seeds with my body so when the roots sprout, you can pick me and hold me one last time."

I place the flowers I collected on the way above where his body rests, praying that this is just some foolish dream.

"How does it feel up there, darling? Is it warm and sunny? Is it cool and breezy? I just want to know if you are better with a silent heart rather than a beating one..."

I set my head onto the soil above his body and let the tears drop into the dirt, hoping we can feel each other again.

I sob harder and harder, so hard I could cough up my own heart. And maybe even a lung if I tried.

My cries resonate through the empty cemetery, it's like I can hear the spirits crying with me, I think they are giving me their pain.

I am completely powerless to death and I cannot fight what is destined to all. I lift my head back up.

Kurapika Kurta.

Just reading his name breaks my heart, shouldn't I fulfill his death wish? I stare at the cute little pink flowers that sprout so innocently, but they truly have such a dark life.

I pluck one of the flowers and look at it, I hold it to my chest and look up at the cloudy sky. "Are you happy up there? I am holding you, like you said, one last time!"

Tears stream down my chest as I feel like I am getting the energy sucked out of me, I feel like I could collapse and sleep next to his grave.

I stand up in front of him and speak one final time.

"Kurapika, I love you, I hope you're happy and all joyful up there in those clouds. Are you watching down on me I wonder? Are you shaming me for mourning? Or are you happy from my suffering of your death? What are you thinking up there, darling? Can you even hear me?!"

I feel a slight anger in my voice as I shout to the clouds that block my view from seeing whatever heaven he is in.

"I love you so much, Kurapika... Goodbye..."

I take one final look at his grave before walking away in the opposite direction with the little flower in my hands. For the first time in weeks, I feel relief of what I got off my chest. I feel proud that I got up and faced his spirit. I can only hope that he is proud as well.

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Note : I forced myself to update.

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