Promise until the end

Chapitre IV: Bloody visit

(Warning: mention of depression)

Do you want to know why I hate fear and I love it at the same time?

I hate fear because it freezes your body. You freeze and you know you have to do something, but you don't do it because it's a fight between your mind and your body. You stop thinking and all your members start shaking uncontrollably. You try to calm down and when you think you are calming down, all of a sudden, a suffocating amount of fear comes and makes your heart beat extremely fast. You panic and don't know what to do anymore. Your mind goes completely blank and you do dumb stuff without thinking because all you want is to get out of the situation you are in. It's basic human instincts but still...

If you ask me, fear is the worst feeling a human can experience.

On the other hand, I also love it, because it makes your adrenaline kick in, which makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. For example, when I shot the cop in the leg: normally, I wouldn't have done that, but I still don't regret it. Fear makes you protect the ones you love and take outrageous mesures to do so. That's why I love it, not because I'm a maniac that loves to be in scary situations, but because it gets the best, or sometimes the worst of you to achieve an action.

And now that I'm running on the roofs of the residential buildings of the city, I'm deathly scared. I'm scared because I have no idea what will happen next. I'm scared because I don't know when I'll see Max again. I don't know if I'll get caught and if I do: how much longer until I get my life together?

Here's the thing now that I think of it: the source of human fear often is the unknown. It's often the little "what if" or "what happens next" that resounds in the back of your head, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it.

A wise person told me one day, when I was in a really really dark place in my mind that I had to take it one step at a time, because if I think too much of the future and what will happen next, I'll get overwhelmed and I won't even see the next step. So I'll follow their advice. Trying something is always worth more than not trying anything.

********

DING DONG !

I ran for about an hour and a half. When I got here, my legs gave up and I fell roughly on the floor. My ribs hurt so much I think they'll break at any minute from now.

Why isn't anybody answering the door?! Come onnnn !!

I slowly try to reach for the doorbell again, stretching my finger as far as I can, since I'm too tired to even get up but as I'm about to reach it, the door suddenly opens and I see Anne, who stares at me in disgust and disbelief.

"Hey...Anne..I need-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT?!"

I stared at her dead in the eyes for a few seconds, not believing what my own sister just told me. I got up and yelled:

"What's your problem !?! We are family, we got along so well last time we saw each other! What happened?!"

Anne looked offended before replying:

"Mom and dad told me how you stopped calling them, they said you're an ungrateful older daughter and I can't agree more !!"

"Mom and dad are a pair of two assholes that blamed their older daughter for everything and put a whole lot of pressure on her shoulders at a young age ! I'm not the one to blame for cutting communication with them!"

"It's not only about them ! They tried their best to make you succeed and this is how you thank them ?! Are you fucking sick in the head ?!?" Said Anne, extremely irritated as her voice kept getting louder and louder.