The Asshole App (Expanded Version) ✅ Wattys2023

𝟦𝟤 𝖮𝖿𝖿𝗂𝖼𝖾 𝖱𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗇

CENTIEN Corporation was a modern fortress of steel and wireless security with a smooth, impervious exterior, but the interloping management had been careless about vetting the maintenance companies that serviced it after hours. Like all bureaucratic operations, they sacrificed quality to squeeze profits. Evelyn knew the best way into CENTIEN was capitalizing on human error.

At five pm sharp, a generic-looking navy van pulled up to the CENTIEN's access road. Vince was dressed in charcoal cleaning scrubs and was equipped with a mop, a bucket, and an AK-47 and pump-action shotgun stowed in his cleaning cart. Evelyn was dressed all in a long coat, covering her black tactical neoprene outfit. She carried a leather briefcase and a three-by-five brown paper package.

Both operatives wore two-way wireless IP communication and camera gear so they could parlay with Raymond and Satoshi. Vincent pressed the button on his headset. "Evie, double check your connectivity. This is our main lifeline to outside help if things go south."

Twenty minutes later, she and Vincent drove up to CENTIEN's employee parking access gate. Satoshi and Raymond watched on their computer screens as Evelyn used her parking pass to enter CENTIEN's garage. In reserved parking, she saw expensive vehicles she didn't recognize. She pointed to the last parking spot. "Look, there's Raymond's SUV."

"You mean Deedee's Tesla."

"Darrow's already here." Raymond exclaimed in their headsets. "You'd better hurry."

"Glad you could joint the party, Soy boy."

Raymond swallowed two aspirins, crunched then between his teeth and washed them  down with a gulp of water. "You and Evie can't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm glad you're back, Ray." Evelyn said. "You had me worried."

"Evie, I'm sorry what I said earlier. "

"Keep the comms to a minimum," Satoshi warned.

Vincent and Evelyn exited the van and retrieved their equipment. They walked up the loading dock ramp. Evelyn scanned the area and breathed a sigh of relief. There were no security guards outside taking smoke breaks. She looked up at the soaring building. Half the office lights were dormant on the upper level. The bulk of the employees had gone home for the evening.

Inside, they spotted a night guard using a vending machine. "That's Jason." Evelyn told Vince as the guard approached. "He likes me. Let me handle this."

Hearing them approach, the young guard turned to face them. He held a cellophane-wrapped burrito in his hand. "Oh, hey Miss Simmons. I haven't seen you around for a while." The young guard had a smooth face with a hint of baby fat and a shock of red hair. Freckles splattered his face. He gave Evelyn a puppyish smile.

"I was visiting my aunt Josephine in Reno," she said. "She's been under the weather these last few weeks."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she's feeling better." Enamored by being in such close proximity to Evelyn, the guard forgot to have them pass through the metal detector.

Evelyn smiled brightly, "It's amazing what a little homemade soup and company did to perk her up."

Ray's voice buzzed into their ear. "This guy's an idiot. I can't believe he works security. He didn't even ask for Vincent's ID."

"Shaddup." Vincent mouthed into his microphone.

"Alright, Miss Simmons. You can both go in." Jason unlocked the entrance into the office building. She should have been grateful, she should have felt relieved, but she couldn't find the energy for either emotion.

"Wait." They both turned around and faced the security guard, holding their breath. "Why didn't you use the main entrance?"

Evelyn held up the wrapped package. "Gary's going to help me hang this picture in my cubicle. He said it would be easier if I met him at the dock. It's a present from my aunt."

"Ok, have a good night, Miss Simmons." The guard turned, anxious to get back to his porn while Evelyn's face was still fresh in his mind.

After they were out of earshot, Vince laughed. "He's so green behind the ears, I could grow corn back there."

"Stay on point." Raymond buzzed in their ears. "Take the north elevator to the orty ninth floor. Once you're there, I'll unlock the stairs so you can get up to the next floor."

"Roger that, dumbass." Vincent responded.