double duos

I c-can't do anything

ahh poor souls breaking things they shouldn't, well let's get on with this... 

(trigger warning for self-harm )

joel pov 

when we all got back I was happy to see the cuts had healed there were only faint marks on my hips and I kind of hoped etho didn't get them still he shouldn't have cause I didn't get his scars though I don't know so I can only hope.

 I knew that things were about to get messy. so I stayed at my empire for a week and I wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon, I made sure to text people so they don't think something terrible had happened

 but from what I've heard is that Scott and jimmys the best couple besides me and Lizzie. apparently had a really big argument or that's what Gem said so it could be exaggerated, I wasn't told a lot mainly because Gem told me and she didn't know much stating that Lizzie told her. there seems to be a lot going on and I didn't want to get involved.

 I haven't even talked to Lizzie since I got back and I didn't want to because for some reason I still love etho, yet I don't want to just leave Lizzie She's amazing, brave, beautiful and I could never hurt her she doesn't even know what double life is or what happened. 

I can only imagine how hurt she would be if I divorced her just so I could be with etho but what am I supposed to do I started tearing up "I c-can't do anything..." damn it I shouldn't be letting my emotions spill like this I'm a man, men don't cry, I got up then went downstairs to the kitchen to get some water, I got a text from fwhip. 

'Hey, Joel there's someone who wants to talk with you ?' I couldn't care right now so much was going on and I honestly couldn't deal with it 'No' I responded not saying why or trying to work out another time, so fwhip would know I can't deal with anyone right now.

 I went back upstairs to go to bed, I laid in bed for about twenty minutes just unable to sleep, I stared at the roof just thinking everything was just so much and even I couldn't handle it, I don't want to even think about how some of the others are coping.

 I heard a knock on my front door I yelled," Go away I'm tired!!" I then heard a loud crash noise "The heck!?" I shot up quickly and ran downstairs to see etho and the front door broken "How are you here!" he looked at me "Oh well nice to see you too jeez" he said joking a bit yet the look of confusion said all he needed to know and that he had to explain himself 

"Okay well I asked your admin but he said you didn't want to talk sooo... I may have broken into the server "I was in utter shock "YOU BROKE IN?!" he laughed and looked down at the door "Sorry about that "I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose "Well I think I already know why you're here but I'm honestly too tired to get into it "

I was gonna go back to bed but he caught my arm and stopped me "Well I only have a short amount of time here before your admin notices that I've gotten in and mine realise what I've done" so There was no just ignoring this is there ugh "Can we at least go to my bed and talk " he nodded we went upstairs I sat on my bed and etho sat next to me "Go on"

etho was obviously nervous "Even though DL is over I still love you "Well quick and to the point...well that is etho so what did i expect, I moved closer to him and hugged him "I love you too" he hugged me back "But..."

 he moved back a bit "But?" I sighed, now I really had to tell him the hard part  "So before DL started I.. uh kinda got married " he was surprised or shocked I couldn't tell "Do they know about what happened" 

I shook my head " I don't know how to tell her " he sighed and hugged me again, he moved his hand to my hair and gently ran his fingers through it, it was something he did in double life to calm me down and it was quite efficient "Why not you sleep and we'll figure this out tomorrow Hm?"

 I nodded and laid down still hugging him bringing etho down with me "U-um Joel I can't get up " I laughed slightly " I know, if you're not comfortable with this just say so " he didn't say anything luckily or else I would probably be really upset if he left " Night Joel" I smiled softly and got us covered by the blanket "Goodnight Etho " I was able to fall asleep as he brought a sense of safety.

Ethos pov (this is when he first got back from DL)

When I got back I kinda needed to process what had happened and after a week of thinking and mainly feeling like crap. I didn't like anything that had happened but I wasn't that sad that I would cry I just started crying even though I wasn't sad.

 it was like I couldn't control it I was just thinking as I was buying stuff in the shopping district and tears just started to flow out of my eyes despite me not crying it was strange. so you can imagine the surprise on docs face when tears started streaming down my face he was worried as I rarely cried especially not just out of the blue while shopping but I reassured him I was fine he would have stayed longer but he got a text and it must've been important

 cause he looked very worried and after telling me he needed to go he ran off, I really wanted to see Joel and it had been long enough of me avoiding it so I went to X only after 'I' stopped crying  " Hey xisuma could you help me " he smiled "Sure whatcha need" he said in his usual happy tone  " I was wondering if I could go to my soulmate's server "

he was slightly confused "Soulmate?" I explained the life series to the best of my ability while trying to not freak him out even though it didn't matter because he was kinda of concerned anyway "Okay um... so what's his name " 

I smiled happy xisuma didn't want to keep me from going even if he did I can't really blame him hearing about the life series is quite scary for those who don't know much but I mainly avoided that sort of stuff " Joel Mesalia smallishbeans " he had a panel up and typed out the name and found his server.

" Okay here you can write the message just it won't go to Joel you need to request access from his admin but I think it'll be fine since I know fwhip "

I typed a message asking if I could talk with Joel I waited abit and fwhip responded with 'Sorry he doesn't want to talk ' I told X that fwhip said no "Well you're just gonna have to wait til Joel reaches out to me via fwhip " I smiled knowing what to do " yea okay X I'm gonna go get some rest " he nodded

" and Etho keep in mind Joel is probably upset about this and may need to think it over " I nodded and left I went home and opened my game panel "Let's start" I laughed a little ' server: empires 2 ' hmm 2 weird maybe it's like hermitcraft I looked at the player list and eventually found Joel

I clicked it I went through a few different codes that I learnt from a... Friend it showed me his coordinates I wrote them down on my wrist so that when I join I won't forget I went through a few different things finding some holes in the server that were previously used to break in

this could mean that a god-like being could have broken in or fwhip just hasn't checked the code in a while but I'm not the admin so I'll just let fwhip know before I leave Empires after abit more of making sure that there wouldn't be a message when I joined

after making sure nothing would go wrong i entered it and a portal opened and i took a deep breath and went through 

 Well, this seems like a pleasant spot to conclude, don't you think? I'll catch you in the next one.

word count:1500

 (HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO MUCH, i hope you guys are enjoying this now bye )