Hello, Goodbye

Chapter Thirty-Nine

More ghosts, she thought as her jaw hit the floor. It had to be. Her mouth hung open as she stared at him, watching as he jumped to his feet but didn't move any closer to her. No, not a ghost. You couldn't be haunted by someone who was still alive. A hallucination? That was the only way she could think to explain it. But even if he was a hallucination, she couldn't stop staring. Didn't want to stop staring, whether it meant she was crazy or not. They stared at each other for a few moments, and Emersyn had so much she wanted to say. But she was scared it wasn't real. Scared she was imagining everything.

"Emersyn," Zeke said, and the sound of her name on his lips sent shivers up her spine. "I know I probably shouldn't be here. I know I'm probably the last person you wanted to see. But I couldn't leave without seeing you one more time. I tried to. I got all the way to the ferry terminal and then turned around, because leaving the island without saying goodbye to you felt wrong."

Her heart was like a set of drums in her chest as she continued to stare at him, too afraid to blink in case this really was all in her head. He ran his fingers through his thick blond curls and let out a breath. And she visualized her touching those curls herself. Sliding her fingers through them and feeling their softness beneath her palms. This was a dream. It had to be. She leaned against the wall for support, because she suddenly felt dizzy from the stress of the day. And now this was happening, and she had no idea what to make of it.

"Please don't be mad at me for breaking in," he pleaded with her. "I got here a few hours ago, and I saw the door was open. I figured I'd just wait for you on your couch, but I didn't expect you to be gone so long. I'm sorry. And I know you hate me. You have every right to hate me after all the lies I told you this summer. But I wanted you to know I still love you. I will always love you. You're it for me, Em. There will never be anyone else. And it was super shitty of me to not trust you. I know I should have, and I'll never be able to say sorry enough. But I still love you, and this whole thing with you not talking to me is killing me."

Her mind was cruel. Too cruel. And she knew she should look away. Avert her eyes from this painful illusion that only her brain could conjure up. But she felt like a mosquito staring at one of those bug zappers. The light was too bright. Too warm. And it didn't matter if it killed her or not. She just couldn't look away. Tears stung her eyes, and she laughed inside at the idea that she would ever run out of tears. She knew she would cry for this man for the rest of her life, and that fact made her want to curl up and die. It was so unbelievably painful. She blinked a few times, expecting the illusion to disappear. But it didn't. He didn't go anywhere. He just stayed a few feet in front of her, staring at her like she was the most beautiful creature on the planet. And he knew all about beautiful creatures.

He took a tentative step forward, but she took a step back, concerned for her own sanity. At what this hallucination could do to her if she let him get too close. "Please, Emersyn," he whispered, his voice shaky with suppressed tears. "I'll do anything. Just please take me back, and I will be honest with you about everything from here on out. I'll never this leave island again, if that's what it takes. I just want us to be together again, because I was never happier than when I was with you."

A tear slid down her freckled cheek, waking her up from her stupor. "Are you real?" she finally asked, her voice sounding foreign to her own ears. "Or is this in my head? Because I can't take much more of this. I can't."

He shook his head, taking another step forward. "I'm real. Everything about this is real." And she didn't care if he was lying or not. Didn't care if he was a figment of her imagination. His words were enough for her. She rushed to him, threw her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips hard against his. He stumbled back, surprised. Clearly, he was not expecting this sort of reaction to him being in her house. But in case he was real, she didn't want to miss her chance. Her mouth moved against his, and after a few moments he gave into the kiss, matching her movements like a dance. And it was like she'd been walking around half dead for years, and his kiss was breathing life back into her soul. It was everything she needed.