People don't get depression. They don't.
People think depression is a feeling not a disease.
"Isn't depression when you're too sad?"
Depression. It's not being being too pathetic to get over your sadness. It's not being weak. Certainly not weak. Because it takes so much strength to trace that blade over your skin and watch it cut right through you, yet, feel nothing. Depression is not romantic; it's not beautiful. It's not "I will love you, and I will fix you." Not "I will love you until you start loving yourself." Depression is pushing everybody that you love away. Pushing them away because you know it's about time they leave you, so you leave them first. Depression Is laughing your days away and crying your nights to sleep. Depression is having all these people around you yet feeling so numb and lonely. It's being too afraid to cry, even though you want to let it out so badly. You're too scared to let the tears out, because you might drown in them. Depression is when every breath you take is painful, simply because you'd rather not take it. Depression is coming up with excuses not to go out, because you feel like there are arms holding you back to your bed, refusing to let you go. Depression is wanting to cry for no reason, it's that burn you get at the back of your throat when you want to sob. Depression is remembering that everybody is eventually going to die. Depression is losing interest in yourself; your life. Depression is trying to force yourself to sleep, make the thoughts go away but they won't. Depression is feeling like all the demons and the monsters of the world are trapped inside of you, mumbling all these thoughts in your head, and they won't stop until you're afraid of yourself. Depression is feeling exhausted whether you sleep or not. Depression is like trying to keep your head up so you won't drown, gasping for air, but you only gasp to add to your pain, your chest feels tight, your neck hurts but you gotta keep it up, the tension never leaves your body, you're pulling every muscle, trying to survive.
Depression is not the fear of dying, it's the fear of living.
