butterflies | ✓

paresthesia.

Gabriel ended the Selection the Friday after I left, and he did so without taking a wife.

He gave no explanation, but his eyes were a little red and a little puffy. His voice lacked any emotion, and there was a stiffness and lifelessness to him that I had never seen before. He gave no explanation. He just said it was over and he sent the other girls home.

It had been two months since then. I still hadn't gotten over him.

I thought that it would be easy, that Aaliyah and María and Arom's strength would rub off on me, but I was wrong. Being without Gabriel had left me dead and weak in a way that hadn't happened even when I learned that Gideon had been lying to me the whole time.

One day, two and a half months after I had left, Arom came over with a pretty silver dress and black pumps. She gave me no explanation. She forced me to take a shower and sat me in front of a mirror to do my hair and makeup, and then made me pull on the dress. I tried to smile like she told me to. It came out looking sad.

She braided my hair carefully and met my eyes in the mirror. "Please try to look strong today, Lysel. I can't tell you what's happening, but you need to know that it's a good thing. We've spent two weeks planning this for you."

I nodded. I straightened my spine, squared my shoulders, and figured out a way to smile that didn't make my eyes water and didn't make the numbness in my chest expand.

When the braid was mostly done, she shook her head and quickly undid it. She brushed my hair out and sent me downstairs. She sat me on a couch in our mostly-unused sitting room.

Aaliyah sat with me; María was no where in sight. Arom had gone to find her.

They returned with a tall man in a black suit.

His golden eyes looked as dead as I felt, and there were black smudges beneath them. My heart throbbed in my chest and I pushed myself to my feet. "Gabriel?"

María smiled. "You two were so in love. We couldn't let you throw that away."

"How did you manage to set this up?" I asked, giving each of my friends a disbelieving look.

Aaliyah smirked.

"I was already trying to find a way to get to you," Gabriel said. His voice was a little hollow, but it had a more life in it than it did on the Report. "I contacted the hospital that Aaliyah was at and asked for her phone number."

María had already started backing out of the room, dragging Arom and Aaliyah with her. "We'll leave you two to catch up." They were gone in a flurry of dark hair, and Arom peeked her head back and smiled before tugging the door shut.

Once they'd gone, I looked at Gabriel and all but flung myself at him. His arms wrapped around me immediately, and I buried my face in his suit. His grip on me was tight, and his nose bumped against the side of my neck. "I've missed you so much," he mumbled.

"I can tell," I said. "I've missed you too."

He pulled me even closer to him. "I don't care if they're going to come after me or not. I don't care if they try to kill me or if they succeed. It doesn't matter, Lysel. I want you. Hell, I need you. Being without you these past few months has been agonizing."

A few tears slipped down my face. Rain drummed against the windows, loud and clear, but there was no thunder or lightning yet. "God, Gabriel. I keep asking myself if it was a mistake. I can't put you in danger, but I can't live without you. I mean, yeah, I'm alive, but it feels like I'm only existing."

He backed a little bit to get a look at my face, and I realized that seeing him had banished the numbness and had given me the pain that I had thought I would feel. My heart throbbed hard in my chest and I felt sick to my stomach. Destroyed. That is what we were without each other.

"I love you, Lysel. I don't want to live without you. I want you with me for the rest of my life, however long that is, and I don't care if it's a week or a day or sixty years. And I most certainly don't care if I die by a bullet or old age. It only matters that you're mine and I'm yours, and that we don't have to live with thousands of miles separating us. I can't live like this, and I know you can't either."

"Are you asking what I think you are?"

He gave me a sad, pained smile. "If you want to know if I want you to be my wife, then yes. I want to know if you'll have me as your husband."

A few more tears slipped out, but those ones weren't of sadness. The ache in my chest was slowly replaced by a soaring feeling. "Of course."

Gabriel's smile was blinding. He let out a laugh and lifted me up, pressing his lips against mine. I draped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, needing to close the distance that had separated us for months. I knew that I would never be able to get enough of him.

He pulled back, his eyes alight once more. I never wanted to see them without that light again. "I'll have to do a more formal proposal on television, and then your family and friends can move out to Angeles. I'll have houses and everything for your friends, since they can't live in the palace. Whatever you need, I'll give you it."

I tilted my head back and let out a laugh, my insides warm. "Gabriel, the only thing that I truly need is you."