Close Protection

Priorities in Life

"It's my fucking fault he's dead because I let him down... it's my fault he's fucking dead because it was supposed to be me!"

I felt the bed shift as I was dragged into a tight hug, both mother and daughter reaching out to grab me. Seriously, what is it with this family and fucking hugs, I've been hugged more times over the last couple of days than I think I've been hugged in my entire life.

Still for once I don't mind; for once, it feels good to be hugged by strangers. I sat there on that bed with my eyes pouring tears of guilt and grief. For the first time in years I allowed myself to cry in public, in fact it was the first time since my breakdown in Basra when I'd allowed myself to cry at all.

I hadn't cried when mum finally succumbed to the cancer that had ravaged her body, not externally anyway. There had been so much to do, put stuff into storage, get the house on the market, find the money to pay for her funeral. I didn't have time to cry, didn't have time to do anything really.

I hadn't even cried when Bambam was killed, far too shocked and numb at the events that had happened to cry for him. I came close when McClair and I went to see Mina, I felt my eyes prickle when she told me to go away and never to come back; I'd sucked it up though, I was a big strong snow queen, and snow queens don't cry.

Not now though, for whatever reason Jennie's soft probing had broken me once more; opened up my little box of memories and allowed everything to flood out, rather than leak away into my dreams like it had been doing for the last few months. The constant drip, drip, drip of guilt had been bad enough; the outpouring that had just occurred was crippling. There was nothing I could do but allow myself to be held and quietly sob.

Finally I cried myself out, still wrapped in that twin embrace of Minah and Jennie Kim; finally I managed to start rebuilding my defensive lines, shoving things back into their little boxes and closing the lids. I sniffed loudly as I pulled myself together and felt a set of arms release me and a pair of lips press themselves to my forehead and softly kiss me.

"I hope you're feeling better now Lisa dear," Minah's soft voice with that faint hint of a Scottish accent said. "Sometimes you just need to let everything out. I can't imagine the things you've gone through, and I can't imagine how hard it was to bottle all that up for the last three years. But I'm happy that you allowed us in, now we can begin to help you; if that's what you want that is."

I nodded slightly, almost involuntarily. I do want help, I really don't want to suffer those nightmares for the rest of my life; don't want to feel like people can't rely on me because of my messed up head, don't want to put Jennie at risk because of it either.

"Right then, I'm going to get Andrew to sort out breakfast for us all, and tomorrow I'm going to make a phone call to the family therapist. She's very good and I'm sure she'll be able to help you, if that's ok with you Lisa."

"You don't have to do that Minah," I sniffed, trying once more to pull myself together. "I can look into getting myself some help."

"Lisa for the last time, you saved my favourite daughters life and that's something I'll never be able to repay you for. I want to help you help yourself, nothing would give me more pleasure."

"Thanks," I replied, feeling slightly embarrassed. These are my employers, not my friends and here I am blubbing away and having them worry about me. "Look, Minah, I'm sorry about all this; it's not your burden. I planned on getting myself sorted when I got this job, I just haven't had much time to sort things out since then, what with everything that's gone on. I'm really sorry that it all got messed up last night, it really shouldn't have happened. I promise it won't let it affect how I do my job; Miss Kim here will still be safe with me."

"It's perfectly all right Lisa, don't let it worry you in the slightest. I suspect it was our fault it happened in the first place, or should I say Hoshi' fault. I think he opened the door to a room you try not to go into last night, didn't he?"

She smiled and ruffled my hair before continuing, "...and if I thought there would be any impact of this on you protecting my daughter here, let me assure you you'd be out of the door faster than you could say 'pull'. I know that isn't the case though Lisa dear, I have an idea of just how good you are; I trust you."

I watched as she walked towards the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. She paused in the doorframe and looked back at me. "One last thinLisa, it's ok to need help sometimes; and it's ok to ask for it as well. Don't go beating yourself up because you allowed yourself a rare moment of vulnerability; you should be congratulating yourself on being brave enough to do it. Now, breakfast at nine as usual girls; I hope that's ok."

Without another word she slipped out of the room, silently closing the door behind her. I felt a rare feeling of affection clutch at my chest as she left; the files had it all wrong about Minah, she wasn't a harridan, she wasn't an adulteress with a broad streak of bigotry; she was a wonderful, caring woman that loved her family and would put herself out for a complete stranger like me. Jennie, Jisoo and Hoshi were lucky to have her, she reminded me a little of my mum; she wasn't as good, or as kind obviously, but they should be proud of her. Part of me thinks she's pretty fucking wonderful.

I let out a sigh and reached out my arms so I could wipe dry my cheeks with the sleeves of my T-Shirt. As I, shifted to clean myself up I dislodged the pair of arms that were still wrapped around my waist.

"She's a great woman your mother, " I said as Jennie moved around on the bed to face me.

"Yeah, I know," she replied smiling sadly, tucking her thumb into the sleeve of her long sleeved top and reaching out to dry my cheeks properly. "She's done so much for me over the years, I love her to bits."

For some reason I couldn't meet her gaze, I think that I'm just embarrassed that she'd seen deeper into my soul than anyone since mum; possibly even further than mum had been allowed to go. With another sad smile she cupped my chin and pulled my head up until I met her gaze.

"Mum's right though Lili, it's ok to need help. I'm sorry if I pushed you to go further than you wanted to. I feel a bit ashamed that it went as far as it did actually. I thought you needed pushing to get past that block, but I think I shoved you rather than pushed you and that wasn't fair. I thought I could help, didn't realise it was as serious as this. I'm sorry that I upset you like this, I really am."

I gave her an understanding look, not really able to speak; too emotionally drained to do anything but sit there in truth. She leaned in and hugged me once more, pressing her cheek to mine as she did so. Slowly she leaned back and looked at me once more, her big brown eyes soft.

"I want you to understand something though Lili; what happened with your friend, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for anything, he made his decision, you said it yourself he tricked you so he could take your place. It's just one of those things that happen, call it fate if you like."

"But I should have stopped him," I told her; the rush of guilt beginning again. "I should have made sure I was first out of that door. It should have been me that got hit."

"You don't know that Lili, you can't know that. Either way it doesn't make a difference, it happened, it wasn't your fault, and no-one could possibly blame you for it."

Deep down I knew she was right, I shouldn't blame myself for their deaths; my mind had even protested that fact in reply to their accusations in my nightmares, but it was to no avail. Part of me still thinks it's my fault everyone died, part of me is still lost in that shitstorm that the shrinks call survivors guilt. She was wrong about no-one blaming me though, someone in the world blamed me; someone in the world blamed me as much, if not more, than I blamed myself. But there wasn't anything I could do about that. Not today anyway. Weariness once again overtaking me, I closed my eyes and yawned; only to open them abruptly as I felt a slight push on my shoulders.

"Why don't you try and get some more sleep Lili, it's not even seven o'clock yet, there's plenty of time until breakfast. Grab yourself another hour or so, you look like you need it." She grinned cheekily, changing my mood in an instant, "besides, I can't have my CPO falling asleep on me this afternoon can I?"

I gave her my best attempt at a smile, nodded and allowed her to push me back down into the mattress; snuggling my head into the pillows as she pulled the duvet over me once more.

"Get some sleep Lili, I'll be just next door if you need me."

"I wish you wouldn't call me that, " I told her as my eyes closed and sleep began to catch me up, "it's not at all professional."

"No, you're right it isn't is it?" she replied. There was a pause as I began to drift off, feeling my consciousness sinking into the abyss. Before I was lost, I heard a soft whisper, a comment I assume I wasn't supposed to hear, if I heard it at all.

"But that really doesn't matter does it? Not between us, not anymore. Not for me anyway; sleep well Lili, I wish you pleasant dreams."

If she said anything else I didn't hear her, lost in the darkness that was sleep.

o+o+o

I woke to the sound of a knock at the door, as I cracked open my eyes I felt a weight pressing against my side again. This time though it was different, this time there was a warm pressure against my back, a warm pressure that was shifting and moving as I lay there pretending to still be asleep. A warm pressure that left me, footsteps replacing breathing as Jennie padded softly towards the door.

"Jennie, I've brought you two breakfast," I heard Minah whisper as the door was opened. "How is she?"

"Sleeping," Jennie replied quietly. "She didn't sleep well last night, obviously; and I think this morning took a lot out of her. I put her to bed just after you left."

"I think you need to be careful Jennie," Minah said cryptically as I eavesdropped on what was obviously a private conversation.

"I know what I'm doing mum, I just need her to be sane and well. Will you call Joanna later?"

"I'll call her as soon as her office opens on Monday morning, I'll explain what happened and see what she thinks. I'll let you know as soon as I've done it ok?"

"Great, thanks mum. I owe her more than my life you know? because of what happened at the office."

"I know Jennie, I understand," came the whispered reply. "Just, please, remember what we talked about ok?"

"I will mum; thanks for bringing up breakfast."

"You're very welcome dear. I'll speak to you later."

I closed my eyes once more as the door closed, and listened to the slight chink of crockery on a tray as Jennie walked back across the room. I felt the tray rest on the foot of the bed before I felt her hand touch my shoulder telling me it was time to stop pretending.

"Lili, breakfast," Jennie called out softly as she shook my shoulder gently. "Lili..."

I slowly opened my eyes and yawned, pretending I had just been woken and stretching carefully. "How long was I out for?" I asked as I blinked and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"A couple of hours, more or less. You had a bit of a bad dream about an hour ago, but it soon went; don't you remember?"

"No," I told her firmly, her story perhaps explaining why she had wound up in bed with me again.

"Good," she said confidently, "I'm glad. Breakfast?"

"Please," I said, sitting up and swinging my feet out of the bed. "What have we got?"

"A bit of everything really, Andrew's brought up toast and marmalade, some sausage and bacon; some scrambled eggs. Tea and coffee, the coffee is for me obviously."

I grunted in response, "So what will it be Miss Manoban, would you like breakfast in bed or on the terrace?"

"Terrace?" I asked wondering what she meant. Jennie smiled and climbed off the bed, pulling open a set of curtains I'd barely acknowledged to reveal a set of French doors and a small balcony with a table and chairs.

Jisoo thought it was grown up," she told me as she pulled open the doors. "Used to make us have afternoon tea out here. That's why she had this room and I have mine. She loved the idea of the balcony overlooking the gardens."

I picked up the large, and somewhat heavy tray, and crossed the room to where she was stood and smiled as she opened the door with a bow.

"Your table awaits, oh brave defender," she said dramatically.

"Thank you fair maiden," I replied inclining my head and stepping out onto the balcony. I suppressed a slight shiver as the cold air hit my body, it's not as if I'm not used to the cold after all. I placed the tray down on the table and pulled back a chair; gesturing that she should sit down.

"Why thank you madam," she said grinning like a moron. "You're such a gentleman."

"We bold defenders always are," I said sitting myself down. "But I think that's the first time I've been called a gentleman."

"Well, you're not exactly ladylike are you Lisa?" Jennie asked her lips twitching as she teased me.

"I can be," I told her racking my brains to think of a time when I had been. "Probably," I conceded eventually admitting the truth. Jennie looked at me before laughing a rich warm laugh and grabbing food from the tray.

"Enough bullshit Lisa, eat! 'I can be' my arse." She continued to chuckle as she buttered a slice of toast, shutting up only when she put it into her mouth. Her eyes told me the tale of her amusement though, they positively twinkled as she chewed.

We ate in a near comfortable silence, certainly nowhere near as awkward as it had been when we ate Chinese take-out in her office. I'm still staggered by her capacity to eat, for a skinny girl she sure can shovel it away.

I sat back in the chair with my tea, my night-time fast now broken with a couple of pieces of toast and some cereal. I looked out over the Kim's estate, across the widely planted gardens and down towards the copse of trees that hid a small dark lake.

"What you thinking?" Jennie asked, finally pushing away her plate and picking up her cup of coffee.

"Just how nice it is here, you have a lovely home Jennie." I said, turning back to face her.

"It's not my home Lisa, it's just a place to come and stay. If it wasn't for Mum I'm not sure I'd ever come back."

I didn't reply, I just raised an eyebrow in query.

"This is Dad's dream, all of this; it's what he wanted. I think I mentioned that. "I nodded and let her continue, sipping at my rapidly cooling drink. "It's all a bit much for me I think, I used to lose myself here you know?"

I shrugged, I had no idea what she meant, we were from too different worlds. The houses I grew up in you could hear the neighbours shagging or shouting through the paper thin walls. You never got a chance to feel alone, you were surrounded by the endless noise of people. That's why I loved swimming, it gave me the chance to lose myself. I sought it out,Jennie seems to be the opposite.

"Jisoo loves it here of course," she added scornfully, dragging me from my thoughts. "Proper little 'lady of the manor' she was, hence this room, hence the terrace."

She stared down into her coffee and muttered something to herself, I had to listen hard to make out what she was saying.

"Hence fucking Jisoo gets everything and fucking Jenniegets nothing."

I focused my eyes back out onto the landscape and pretended not to have heard.

"Anyway, I prefer London," she continued, "I have my own place where I can be myself, I have my own friends, the whole nine yards."

"Somewhere you can be you?" I asked, deciding to turn the tables on her a little.

"You could say that," she replied, looking out over the gardens. "It is pretty here though, it's a nice place to come back to when the world gets too mad."

"Yeah, I bet," I told her; really wishing I could have had somewhere like this in my life, a sanctuary that you could return to and find yourself some peace.

We sat together and finished breakfast in silence before Jennie stretched out her neck and shoulders and stood up.

"Right, well I guess I need to get a shower and get dressed. I said I'd spend the day with Hoshi today so I suppose I should find the little shit and see what he wants to do. Can you be ready in half an hour Lisa, just in case I need you?"

"I'm at your perpetual beck and call Miss Kim, " I replied seriously and was rewarded with a cuff on the shoulder.

"You stop that now, we're not in public you know. Even my mum thinks it's strange you call me Miss Kim all the time."

"It's how I work Jennie," I said.

"I know."

o+o+o

The day went remarkably smoothly, I got showered and dressed, opting not to wear my formal wear as it was only Sunday; and waited in my room for Jennie to appear. After slightly longer than the half hour she mentioned there was a knock at the dividing door and she appeared wearing a loose summer dress and sandals. It was a pale yellow colour and it looked really good on her, even though it clashed horribly with her hair.

"Don't say anything ok!" she said as I looked at her. "I know it doesn't work, but it was this or my gym gear; the rest of my stuff is in London and the other clothes I have here look even worse. I wasn't planning on spending Sunday and Monday here was I? We should have been home last night."

"You look fine, " I shrugged, "and what about all that stuff you bought yesterday? Didn't you have something in that?"

"No, I mostly bought tops and shoes for work. Nothing I could comfortably wear around the house today anyway."

I breathed a slight sigh of relief at that revelation. If Jennie was going to spend the best part of the day with her family in the house, I didn't have to follow her everywhere. I could spend some time in the control room checking things and talking to the security team. Perhaps agree some new procedures and the like, it would also give me some space away from family Kim; family Kim that were getting far too close to me.

"You'll let me know if you're going to leave the house won't you?"

She looked at me in surprise. "Even if you're going out into the grounds," I continued firmly.

"I, er...of course," she said regaining her composure. "Sorry, I just thought you'd be tagging along."

"Not if I don't have to Jennie, not unless you plan to go outside or off premises in any way that is. You'll be perfectly safe in the house and I can talk to the team about protecting your mother when she's here."

She didn't look exactly happy, but nodded. "Will I see you for lunch at least, I'm sure Mum will be annoyed if you don't join us."

"If you would like that, then yes; thank you. I need to talk to Minah anyway today, find out her requirements. Where am I likely to find her?"

"Probably having breakfast in the gardens; after that, probably either shooting things or hitting golf balls I guess. Either that or she'll be in one of the front rooms reading or watching TV."

Her daughter knew Minah too well, after we split up I went in search of Minah, doing it the sneaky way and scanning from the control centre. I saw her on the back terrace sitting with a pot of tea in front of her and decided to grab the bull by the horns.

"Mrs Kim," I started as I walked up to her, she pulled down the sunglasses she was wearing and gestured for me to sit.

"I need to talk business with you I'm afraid, I need to make arrangements for your protection in light of recent events."

"Whatever needs doing Lisa, please just arrange it. As long as it doesn't interfere with my life, or my sex life, I'll be happy."

I sat and stared at her, amazed by her frankness.

"Oh really Lisa, you can't tell me that Soohyun' excellent team hasn't told you that, I'm sure you know all about Woobin and me and our little arrangement."

"Well..." I started.

"It's supposed to be our big secret, but you can't always keep your privacy can you?" She said looking knowingly at me. I thought back to the TV footage of the chase, and me and Amy and nodded. " well the children don't know of course; though I hope they at least suspect or they're not as intelligent as I've brought them up to be. Woobin and I have two lives, the public one of a happy couple and the private one of a couple of singletons...it suits us both very nicely actually."

"The file may have mentioned something," I said vaguely. "I didn't think it was important."

Minah looked at me, cutting through me with her eyes; then, with a twitch of her lips she burst out laughing leaving me sitting there in surprise.

"Oh Lisa you really are terrible at the whole 'guarded secret' business. Even if Jennie hadn't already told me you'd overheard her and Woobin arguing I could tell you knew."

I sat on that hard metal seat, feeling more and more embarrassed, things were going terribly wrong for me here and I didn't have a clue how to fix them. These Kim women seemed to know me inside and out and I don't mind saying it's pretty fucking scary.

"So yes, do whatever you need to do Lisa, I'm quite easy as long as your man, or woman, is discrete and trustworthy. Now would you like a cup of coffee, I assume it's late enough for you now?"

I nodded and she poured me a cup from the large silver pot in front of her, the same one she'd poured from last night, when we had our little talk; before everything had turned itself upside down. We sat in a kind of awkward silence, sipping at our drinks until we were both startled by the slamming of a door behind us and the sound of footsteps.

"I don't fucking believe him, he never fucking changes, repulsive little pervert."

I spun my head around at the sound of an annoyed Jennie Kim, only to watch her storm across the gardens in the general direction of the summerhouse.

"Miss Kim!" I called after her; she ignored me and carried on walking. I heard Minah chuckle to herself.

"There's no point shouting after her Lisa dear, Hoshi has probably crossed the line again and annoyed her. He's the one she normally calls a pervert. Has done most of her life in fact. She'll calm down in a bit and come back and they'll be fine."

"I don't care that she's upset Minah," I told her carefully, trying to hide the fact that in actuality I was. "I asked her not to leave the house without me, we have no security at her summerhouse, she's vulnerable down there."

"Oh come now Lisa, I'm sure she'll be perfectly safe, it's not as if she's left the grounds."

"It's my responsibility Minah, I know she's ok in and around the house because we have people and cameras, but out there she's on her own and I won't have that; not on my watch."

I put my coffee cup down and got up from the table; I was surprised to see Minah get up and follow me as I walked towards the wooden building who's door had just about been slammed off its hinges.

"I thought I could be your backup," she said smiling as she walked alongside me across the immaculate lawn, "or you could be mine. If he's really upset her, we might need more than the two of us; can you call up reinforcements if you need to?"

I smiled and nodded, pulling back my hair to reveal the earpiece I'd slipped in earlier.

Minah sighed and looked at me disappointedly, "Jennie's right, you just don't switch off do you Lisa?"

"Not today Minah, not until I know everyone's safe."

"Fine, well don't say I didn't warn you. I don't think you've experienced the full on angry Jennie Kim, I'm afraid she takes after her father in that regard."

'I'm sure I have,' I thought to myself as she knocked on the summerhouse door. 'I'm pretty sure I've been on the receiving end a couple of times actually; fuck it, here goes nothing.'

I braced myself for the shouting as we waited for a reply to the knock.

"FUCK OFF!"

Jennie Kim is in fine form by the sounds of things, it's a shame because she was sweetness and light this morning. I can't help but wonder what Hoshi had done to her, and whether I was going to have to take him to task for it.

"Jennie it's your mother, open the door."

"Go away mum, I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

"Jennie it's just me and Lisa, now open the door."

There was a long pause from inside the summerhouse before..."It's not locked."

A broad grin broke over the face of my comrade in arms and she gestured for me to go first.

"You're paid to do the dangerous work Lisa; after you." she said her lips twitching in amusement. I looked at the door with more trepidation than the last time I'd approached it.

"Do you think I need to throw in a flashbang first?" I joked, trying to keep the mood light. "Just in case it's a trap!"

"No dear I think we'll be fine, but you're still going in first just in case!"

Carefully I opened the door and stepped inside the summerhouse, it was totally different in the light of day. I could see that it was quite a large building, light and airy as well, or it would be if the curtains were opened. Jennie was sat in her chair in the corner, furiously glaring at us with her arms folded and a precious little angry-pout on her face.

'Cute,' I thought as I looked at her, then 'fucks sake Lisa fucking quit that!'

I dragged my mind back to the issue at hand and frowned at her, ignoring the pout.

"Miss Kim I asked you not to leave the house without someone being with you."

"Fucks sake Lisa, it's not as if I went shopping, I'm only at the bottom of the garden."

I inclined my head at her tone, snappy and bitchy...welcome back the Jennie Kim of a couple of days ago.

"That's as maybe Miss Kim, but I did ask."

"I wanted some privacy, I don't need people following me around all the time."

"Then I would have stood outside."

She frowned at me and I watched as Minah moved into the back of the building opening the curtains and allowing the daylight to penetrate the dark; the dust particles that were kicked up by our presence shining in the sunbeams.

"Jennie," I said softly so Minah wouldn't hear me. "I've only got your best interests at heart. I thought you were going to stop fighting me on this; I only want to keep you safe you know?"

Her shoulders slumped and she nodded, "Sorry Lili," she said softly, her eye's following her mother around the summerhouse. "Hoshi was being a cunt and he pissed me off. I know you're only trying to keep me safe I appreciate that I really do, I just..."

She tailed off, her hands clenching in her lap, whatever Hoshi had said it had really gotten to her. I decided to give her some dignity back.

"Right, well if you need some time I'll wait outside, shout if you need anything."

"Don't go," he said hurriedly, her eyes flashing up to meet mine. "You're both here now," She continued more casually than before. "Seems stupid to go and stand outside. Why don't you and mum find a chair?"

o+o+o

Before I knew it we were all sat around in one of the cleaner corners of the summerhouse, Minah tutting at the mess.

"Really Jennie, we need to have this place put on the cleaning rota, I will speak to Andrew about it today. It's filthy down here."

"It's rustic mum, I don't mind a bit of dust; it gives the place character."

Minah ran her finger along a surface next to her and lifted it up, reminding me of room inspections in the army. Her finger was black with dust, in the old days I would have been running laps if my rooms had been as dirty as this.

"Ok," Jennie admitted, "perhaps it needs a bit of a spring clean, I've not been down here for a while."

"You haven't painted for years dear." Minah remarked.

"It hasn't been that long mum, don't make out it's worse than it is."

"Well it has been at least six months since you painted anything Jennie." Minah replied unfazed. "I don't think you've even been down here in that time either, six months since you've used this place to paint or dance. That's not like you dear."

"No," she said sadly, "I just haven't been in the mood."

"Is this all your work?" I asked gesturing around the room. With the light streaming in I could see all the things that had eluded me in the darkness of Friday night. The walls were covered in canvases some on display, some stacked up, some in piles as yet untouched. The work was varied, no particular theme, by one window was a seascape, waves crashing against rocks with a turbulent sky overhead, nestled next to a set of boxes was a landscape; green hills rolling under a cloudless sky.

There were portraits and abstracts, a myriad of attempts at different art forms all placed around the room. In one corner was a small laid wooden floor with two walls filled with floor to ceiling mirrors and handrails. I remembered Jennie telling me that she wanted to paint, to dance, to express herself artistically; I suddenly realised the fallacy of my earlier thoughts, this Summerhouse was quite obviously her haven, her sanctuary, her equivalent of my swimming pool.

It's such a shame she hasn't had the muse to be in here for a while.

"They're all mine, except for that one over there," she said sullenly, pointing at a large canvas, "that one I bought of a local artist, just haven't got round to taking it back to the flat yet."

"You're very talented," I told her, eyes still roaming around the room. "Not that I know a lot about art, but they all look pretty good to me. I really like that one," I said pointing at a small painting of a little yellow house with a tidy garden and a neat fence. "It reminds me of a place we lived once, except it wasn't painted yellow."

"What colour was it then?" she asked, her voice lifting a little from the morose tones that had pervaded it since we had opened the door.

"Well it was actually a God awful duck egg blue colour. Mum had decided that it was her favourite colour and had some of the lodgers paint it for her. Lovely house, looked bloody awful after that though."

"You should take that one then, you could put it up in your flat, I noticed it's a little sterile."

"I couldn't do that Miss Kim." I told her firmly.

"Of course you can," she said getting up and lifting the picture carefully from the wall. "In fact, I insist you take it, it's nice to have someone appreciate my work; not like some people I could mention."

Her voice hardened in disgust at the end of her sentence; I assumed that someone in the family, probably Jisoo or Woobin, had been disparaging about her works in the past. It's a real shame because she genuinely does have talent, at least she has to my untrained eye

"Sorry I can't Miss Kim, you don't understand; the place we went to last week, that's not my place, that's a company apartment. Soohyun's letting me stay for a month or so until I find my own place."

"Where are you thinking of living Lisa?" Minah asked from her chair where she'd been sitting in silence watching us both.

"I have no idea Minah, I need to talk to Sungjae about it really. Obviously I need to be close to the office and close to Miss Kim here, but I don't really want to live in London. The costs are high and I'd love to live somewhere with a bit of greenery."

"It's expensive living in London, but you can always do like I do and live near to one of the parks, that gives you the convenience of town, but still gives you the greenery. I've got Regents Park and Hyde Park within walking distance, and they're like a different world when you get into them. Hampstead Heath is only a short journey away as well, as is Richmond Park and it's beautiful there. I go to see the deer, it's fabulous on an Autumn morning when there's a slight mist."

"I seriously doubt my even my vastly increased salary would stretch to the house prices around where you live Miss Kim," I replied with a smile on my face.

It was true, I was now earning more money than I'd ever earned before and still I doubted I'd be able to live that close to the centre of London. Prices there were fucking stupid.

"You should move in with Jennie," Minah said suddenly. "She's got space in her flat, that way you'd be on hand for your protection duties and have somewhere to stay and Jennie gets someone to help with the bills."

We both stared at her as if she'd grown a second head.

"Well it was just a thought," she said sounding a bit crestfallen at our looks. "I thought it would be a good idea."

"I think I need to find my own place Minah, and I'm sure Miss Kim here doesn't want me interfering in her life any more than I have to. I'm sure after a week with me she's sick of the sight of me already."

"I wouldn't go that far Lisa, though I admit we didn't have the greatest of starts to a working relationship, and you are kind of annoying."

"You wouldn't be the first one to say that Miss Kim, most of my old unit used to tell me the same thing."

"Did you nag them as much as you nag me?" She asked with the first grin on her face I'd seen since this morning..

"I was far worse Miss Kim, I was paid to give them orders and they had to carry them out. You, unfortunately for me, have the ability to ignore them and get me into trouble with my employers."

I nodded across at Minah who frowned at me melodramatically. "Absolutely Lisa, if Jennie gets hurt because of her own stupidity I promise I'll kill you."

I know she was joking, but there was a look she shared with her daughter that told me that she was being serious as well, she was warning Jennie not to do anything stupid herself. The look they shared spoke volumes and I could see the understanding born of a close relationship.

"Anyway, enough of this doom and gloom," Minah said standing up. "I came down here to see if you were ok Jennie and it's obvious that you're feeling better so my work here is done, would you ladies like me to get Andrew to send some lunch down, or are you coming back to the house?"

"Lunch sounds good mum, but why don't you join us?"

Minah tilted her head at her daughter before sitting down again. "I think I'd like that dear," she said with a warm smile. "Lisa, could you use that radio of yours to contact the house and see if someone would ask Andrew to bring lunch down for the three of us?"

I nodded and pressed the PTT button, finally getting through to Simon who was covering the day shift. I passed on Minah's request, feeling a little guilty at using my team as errand boys, and settled back into my seat. Mother and daughter were engaged in a conversation about Jennie's paintings and I decided to tune it out for a bit, hunting for a moment of peace in my mind. I had some hard decisions to make and I needed to clarify and prioritise them.

Firstly, I needed somewhere to live. That had to be a priority, even with seven weeks before Soohyun expected me to be out of the flat I needed to talk to  Sungjae and then find myself somewhere to live and be ready to move out. The current schedule with Jennie demanded that I pull my finger out or I would run out of time pretty soon. Though ideally the move would be delayed would be after my first pay packet went into my account, just in case.

Secondly, I needed to sort out my wardrobe. I had basics, but I needed to get more clothes, especially if we were going to be travelling a lot over the next few weeks. My diary showed trips to New York, Iraq, and India over the next six months; along with a few shorter visits to some of the larger Eastern European capitals. Business at Kim Industries must be good.

Thirdly, I needed to sort out these fucking nightmares. I needed to get help, needed someone to talk things through with. I can't be ruled by the fear that they're going to come back, can't run the risk of looking vulnerable in front of these two again.

Finally, I needed to visit mum. If I was in the UK on the anniversary of her death I did everything to visit her grave, I visited it regularly up to the ambush loving to do nothing more than spend time tidying it up and laying fresh flowers. Using that time away from the stresses of the Army to reconnect myself with her memory. I tried to visit as often as I could, terrified that as I got older I'd one day forget her, that she'd slip from my mind like water through a sieve and I'd be left with nothing but fleeting memories of who she was and how she had been.

I vowed to myself that I would make the time, perhaps even head up to Cheltenham tomorrow, it's not that far from here and if the Kim's would let me borrow their Range Rover I could go and come back before Jennie needed to head back to London. I thought about how to broach the subject, how I could to get Jennie to stay in the house while I was gone.

I was lost in these thoughts when I felt a shake to my shoulder and looked up to see Minah smiling over me.

"Ah, back with us then Lisa, that's good. Lunch is on its way, I can see Andrew bringing it now."

"Oh, right, thanks." I said lamely, embarrassed again that I'd let myself slip on the job. I needed to pull myself together, I was getting far too fucking casual around these two, I wasn't doing my job properly.

'Fourthly,' I thought firmly, 'I need to sort this shit out, we need boundaries, I need boundaries; and I need them before I fuck this up and get us both killed.'

o+o+o

The rest of the day passed without any more drama's. Hoshi and Jennie made up, wrapping each other up in another one of those huge hugs that family Kim seem to thrive on. She hadn't revealed to me what the problem between them was, but I'd cornered Hoshi during the afternoon and warned him about upsetting his sister.

"I didn't mean anything," He said looking scared as I spoke to him, "she went off the deep end over an innocent little comment."

I thought about the things Jennie had told me about her perverted little brother and decided not to enquire any further, an innocent comment from him was probably anything but.

"Look Hoshi I don't care, it's my job to protect you and your sister, and when you upset her she did a runner. Now this time she legged it to the Summerhouse, but if she'd decided to get in a car and drive away she could be dead right now. We can't take stupid risks Hoshi, Miss Kim has been targeted once, and I believe she is still a target. Her and your Father are the symbols of the deal that was made recently and 'Khuddam ul-Islam' are still pissed off about them ignoring their threats."

I knew this for a fact, one of the points that Sungjae had made during our meeting yesterday was a report that more threats had been received at Kim Industries. Sungjae had spoken to Soohyun and they had decided not to tell the family yet, not until we'd managed to verify if they were genuine or not. Still it was more than enough reason to be concerned, even if it was little more than a copycat hoax.

Hoshi looked at me and nodded, at least looking abashed. "I don't need you to do anything but be a little considerate Hoshi, that's all. You as a family need to stick together right now, and until this threat goes away you all need to help me and my team out ok?"

"I get it Lisa, you don't have to beat me up."

"Au contraire, I'm told that's exactly what I need to do to you Hoshi." I winked at him getting a cheeky grin in return. "Right tomorrow morning there's a guy called Simon arriving, he's going to be looking after you. Don't piss him off and don't try to skip out on him or you'll answer to me ok? He'll be discrete but he's totally responsible for your safety, so don't be like your sister and do as he asks. If you have any problems call the office and as to speak to Sungjae Jones or at a last resort me."

"What, so I don't get your number hun?" he asked in what I assume was his best ingratiating voice, sidling closer to me, his intentions obvious.

"You'd need tits to get my number hun," I told him firmly. "Wrong gender Hoshi, I'm sorry."

"Ah, I get it," he said, the penny dropping into that impossibly dense skull. "That explains a lot."

"And what does that that mean Mr Kim?" I asked slightly annoyed at that comment.

"Oh, nothing really, nothing bad anyway. Forget I said anything."

I scowled at him, but he grinned and winked. "See you at dinner Lisa.

'Oh fuck, dinner again!'