SugarCOAT

121. Insecurities 🤕

Jamie: Hey I know it's late but can you meet me at the Rivers' house?

A.B.: Yeah. Are you okay?

Jamie: Yeah. 

A.B.: On my way

When I got out of Deonte's car, I was glad that A.B. hadn't arrived yet. Deonte watched me go inside the house before leaving. As soon as his car was gone, I went back outside by the pool.

A few minutes later, I saw A.B. drive up in his rental car. I waited until he was out of his car to walk out of hiding.

He met me by the pool. "It's really late. You're gonna be sleep walking tomorrow."

I nodded my head, but I didn't care about that right now.

"Are you even tired at all?" He asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders.

A.B. grinned, "Why you so quiet?"

I asked him, "Am I a good friend to you?" 

A.B. looked surprised. "Umm... Jamie--"

I interrupted him, "I've been talking to everyone else, hearing their stories, giving them solutions, but I haven't  done that with you."

"Have I caused you concern?" He looked at me intently.

I shook my head. "Not lately. The last time I really heard you talk about a problem you had was when we were at the beach house. You were debating on selling it, and I gave you the same advice that you gave me."

We stared at one another.

A.B. replied, "What do you really want to ask me, Jamie?"

"You continue to give to me, and I've yet to give you anything. What can I give you, A.B.?"

"Jamie, it's about..." He looked at his watch. "A quarter to one."

Why was he avoiding my question? I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Testing you," I admitted.

A.B. stepped towards me. "Why?"

I held his hand in place. "Because I want you to feel my heart beating. I want you to feel my sincerity."

A.B. smirked with his eyes low. "I feel something else." He took another step forward and our faces were barely touching.

I took a step back, dropping A.B.'s hand.

He put his hands in his pockets. "Tell me what you really want?"

I decided to just say it. "I really want to love you more than a friend, but like you said I'm too busy. You were right, and I wish you weren't, because I don't know how much longer I can accept relationship type of gifts from you when we're not together."

"Then, I'll stop," he stated.

I arched my brow. "Okay, but you still haven't told me what I can give you?"

"Assurance," he finally answered.

"Wh-what?"

A.B. repeated, "Assurance. Jamie, I give you things, because I want to and because you deserve them. I give you things, because I like you a lot. I am interested in you romantically. I've always have, but... there's an issue on my end that's keeping me from going there with you."

Lightbulb. I rolled my eyes. "Your ex."

"And former business partner."

I dropped my head. This man has told me this story one too many times for me to be so selfish. How would I feel if my best friend and my boyfriend got married right after we broke up? Then, I thought about Deonte. Then, I thought about Zeke. 

I asked, "Are you okay with me having guy friends?"

A.B.'s facial expression was so serious, I almost laughed. 

"Jamie, it's too late to be talking about this."

I put my hands on my hips.

He said, "You can have 100 guy friends, but if they are interested in you - that's a problem... for me."

I should've known! Ugghh! This makes perfect sense now, because A.B. definitely isn't the jealous type nor is he clingy. He just doesn't trust guys around me.

"Thank you for being honest," I told him. "I really should have took into consideration your last relationship, but I w--"

A.B. interrupted me this time. "That's not for you to consider. I don't expect you to be better than or just like my ex. Y'all are two different people. Honestly, I didn't even know I had this insecurity until I met Deonte Way."

I raised my hand to speak. "I'm sorry I--"

A.B. cut me off, "You're gonna make me feel bad. Don't apologize. Don't say you should've known better. Like I said, I just found this out about myself. I felt the same way when you and Zeke were in a fake relationship. I know men are gonna be interested in you, because you're beautiful. But when you go along with it, I do take a step back."

I explained, "I don't do that on purpose or to try to make you jealous or anything. Zeke was the one who came up with the fake relationship, and Deonte is legit my friend."

A.B. smiled at me. "Baby, I know that. I just have to mentally get to where it doesn't bother me as much. Remember, I haven't been single a whole year."

I pouted. "Then, you really need to stop giving me things, because it confuses me."

A.B. chuckled, "I really want to kiss your lips, but like you said I would only confuse you."

"Is that why you haven't been affectionate towards me?" I slowly walked backwards. "Do I tempt you, Mr. Bravos?"

A.B. yawned before answering. "You told me not to touch you, and I'm gonna respect that."

I crossed my arm. "When will it be a year?"

"Of me being single?" He asked me.

"No. Of you being an itsy bitsy spider, climbing up the water sprout!" I stomp my foot out of frustration or was my exhaustion taking over?

A.B. chuckled, "March. Now go inside and get some sleep."

"Tomorrow night, you better be here," I pointed at him.

"Just call me," he said.

I waved at him. "Goodnight, Mr. Bravos."

"Goodnight, Ms. Sawyer." A.B. watched me walk inside the house.

I rushed to my room to watch A.B. walk to his car and drive away. I finally figured out why A.B. seemed different. Just like he said, he has an issue that he has to address. For now on, I'm gonna give him time to get over his break-up. It's his ex's fault that he isn't ready to be in a relationship. I wish I could find out who she is and get my cousin to jump her.

No, Jamie. You're a child of God. You can not send the loyal canine Monica to fight your made-up battles. But seriously, how could she cheat on A.B.? He is a walking, talking male model with a great personality, a kind heart, saved, and a-whole-lotta money. Was she sleep?

I lied in bed with an invitation for rest. Goodnight, A.B.

My alarm woke me up. I swear I just closed my eyes! WHY-YUH?!!