✨I Invented It!✨

Kurama Fucking Dies

Oh, yes. This was truly the absolute peak of Pewter's intellect and talent! The engineer had managed to make a video game console that could play any disc or cartridge inserted into it! Lawyers hated him! Click here to see why! 

The machine also dispensed refreshments. In particular, Pewter had really felt like drinking sake today. Although he was a genius inventor, he was not a designer. The machine began pouring some sake out of the tap, directly onto the console. The console, for a few seconds, sparked dangerously. Then it exploded.

When Pewter woke up, he realized he'd isekai'd himself into Naruto. Well, he didn't actually know what Naruto was very well. He'd just seen Mizuki watching it at one point, and he recognized the giant beast currently ravaging the Leaf. Thinking quickly, Pewter constructed a homemade Evolver, using only some string, a squirrel, and an Evolver. He loaded the Evolver with live bullets, and shot Kurama in the head, killing him instantly. The bullet went straight through Kurama, ricocheting off several walls, until it also hit Obito, who had not seen it coming because it was a bullet and therefore literally just too fast to react to, also killing him. Then, it went through his mask and head, ricocheting off some trees until it returned to the village, going through a window and also hitting Danzo in the head. And so, Pewter had just solved every conflict in Naruto with one bullet. Orochimaru isn't real shut up. 

Minato immediately rushed to Kushina's side, gently squeezing her hand. He couldn't stop himself from crying at the sight of his wife, you know, dying. Really, it just showed how unmanly he truly was. "Kushina! It's okay! You're going to be okay- I-" he looked around, somewhat panicked for reasons that really were not at all obvious. "We'll get you some help! There's still time!"

"No there's not, you idiot! I just had the nine tails ripped from my fucking body, Minato!" Kushina still had the strength to reach over and whack him upside the head, giving him a huge bump. "You better raise our son properly, you hear me?! Because I'm going to die here, and I don't want to look down from heaven and see that you fucked Naruto up! I love you! I hope you two live happy, healthy and fulfilling lives!" As mad as she was right now for no particular reason, she really couldn't help but let her parting words to her husband be at least somewhat sweet, even if conveyed in an enraged tone. She really did love him, and even the Red Hot Habanero was still a good, sweet person. Then, as if to prove her point about how fucked she was, she promptly died. 

"Huh... I guess I really never will win an argument against her after all." Minato sighed tiredly, just too filled with emotion to get out anything he wanted to say to her at this point. Well, she couldn't hear anyway. She was dead. Minato was really just an absolute dumbass. He then just Flying Raijin'd himself back home, looking at the baby Naruto with a tired smile before crying himself to sleep. I mean, cut the poor guy some slack! His wife just died! It's like you heartless assholes aren't listening to me.

As this all was happening, the village was just frozen. All the shinobi there turned to stare at Pewter with a mystified look. First of all, this guy's getup was just ridiculous. Second of all, he just killed the nine tails! He clearly wasn't from here, either. Who the hell was this guy?

"Who are you?" Hiruzen hopped off his giant ape as it poofed away, walking over to Pewter with a weary smile. 

"Well, my name is Futa Amanoma, but everyone just calls me Pewter. I assume you can guess why." Pewter chuckled, his demeanor relaxed, even during this all. There was nothing for him to worry about. Renju was already fucking dead and he had nothing else to care about anyway! 

"No." Hiruzen seemed really confused because he was the Third Hokage and he did not know what a futa was. Somehow, he got the impression that he really didn't want to, either.