Daffodils & Red Carnations

Chapter 1- Striped Carnation

Striped Carnation which means Refusal

Varian had always been different. The way he acted. The way he looked. The way he thought. His love for alchemy. Everything, really. There was one thing in particular that stood out to him. It always had, but he'd never talked about it to anyone before. Even since he was a kid, he knew there was something different about the people he fell for. While most girls were off talking about some guy they had a kid crush on and most guys were off talking about some girl they had a kid crush on, Varian was talking to himself about random kids, both girls and guys, who he knew and found attractive in the way kids do.

Varian groaned, not bothering to move. It had been...well, Varian wasn't completely sure, but it'd been a quite while since he got sent to prison. His cell mate tried to talk to him a few times, but Varian didn't bother replying. He knew his cell mates name, not that it mattered to Varian, not like he was gonna talk to him any time soon.
"You good kid?" his cell mate, Andrew, asked, scratching the wall. Again, Varian didn't bother replying. Andrew kept trying until Varian punched the wall. Out the corner of Varian's eye, he saw Andrew roll his eyes. His time in this cell had given him time to think. A lot of time to think. And that time would only last longer. He stared at the celling. Andrew made clicking noises with his tongue.
"Could you stop that?" Varian turned to Andrew, his tone annoyed. The adult smirked, continuing to do it. Varian groaned, his attention going back to the celling. His mind went to what it had a bunch over the time he'd been in prison; what was he? Well, more like who was he, but still. He knew he'd had crushes on girls before, I mean, Cassandra was a perfect example there, but he has had crushes on guys too. Not that he'd call them crushes, but they were in fact crushes. He hated that these thoughts kept coming to him. He knew what it meant, he just didn't want to accept it. He muttered a simple "no" to himself in attempt to stop these thoughts from coming, which did not work in the slightest.

Varian was kept up all night, these thoughts that he only wished would go away continuing to come to him. He groaned which woke up Andrew. Andrew obviously noticed how annoyed and tired Varian's seemed as the younger boy hid his head in his hands.
"Kid-" Andrew started, but Varian cut him off.
"Do you honestly never shut up?" Varian let out another groan and he turned his back towards Andrew. Andrew smirked slightly.
"What's up with you?" He was very good at hiding the smirk as he talked(surprisingly).
"That's none of your business." Varian turned to Andrew once again, his left eye twitching ever so slightly in annoyance. Andrew noticed, hiding his smirk.
"Well, we've got a lot of time to talk, so you might as well."
"Not happening." Varian rubbed his eyes. Andrew seemed very annoyed, but stayed silent. Varian's stared up at the ceiling, listening as Andrew drifted back off to sleep. That's when he started to mutter thing to himself again. Things like:
"No...I can't be."
"I won't."
"But what if- No, I can't."
"That's wrong."
"I'm wrong."
"I can't be."
"I shouldn't be."
A wave of doubt, annoyance, a lot of emotions, really, flooded over him as he thought of the possibility of him liking guys. He kept denying it to himself, pushing all feelings down, repressing his emotions. His eyes went to the ceiling of the dark room, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Half out of frustration, half trying to get these thoughts away, Varian slammed the back of his head against the bunk. He groaned once more before closing his eyes, slowly passing out.