born ya it so fuck bullshit dick

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IT HURT if you find out random light suddenly  just placed in you eyes after you being awoke , i just want to kick that person who just flash a light on me , but it seem my feet is too short and my eye seem so hurt and weak , i cannot even open my eyes properly and it seem stuck before suddenly i heard some random emergency sound , explosion and some screaming in my own surrounding , i felt like i just being passed to random person and suddenly a gush of cold wind suddenly blow my body , i just wailed and shivered to sudden wind .And then some random screaming and some random harsh weird based on their tone fucking language was being talked around me and the person  , which make me wonder am i get fucking kidnapped bro ????. bitch i am not pretty based on beauty standard but still good looking  and fat not that fat i mean my BMI is obese but i am  curvaceous with pear shaped body OK. AND LOGICALLY I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PASSED AROUND EASILY!!!!!!!!!!!! .WTF THIS IS FELT SO WRONG ,!!!!!!!!  WHY THE HELL I CANT OPEN MY EYES AND I CANT EVEN SEE VERY WELL I AM NOT BLIND AND MYOPIC OK . MY EYESIGHT ARE 20/20.!!!!! BUT WHY THE FUCK I FELT LIKE I AM BLIND NOW !!!! WHY THE HELL IT SO BRIGHT !

                 Suddenly, I heard a big scary screaming , the air is full of smoked and  a very dangerous horrified darkness hollow feeling surround me and i quite scared of it that i really cannot breath well and suddenly hyperventilates i want to screamed but it seem no sound formed from my mouth , i want to curse whoever thing caused me felt this way i want to fuck this whoever person i want to punch it but i don't know i am so scared  and I HATE IT . i just want my family even i hate them , i want my safe space and i wish this is just fucking dream . The person that hold me put me into near her chest based on how soft it is and keep running and screaming some unknown word, it sound like Chinese, Korean or Japanese . It seem so rush and I not felling good. Please god , please is this just fucking bad dream or just some fucking nightmare caused I kept forgot my morning prayer due to overslept however i suddenly fall asleep in this person chest with my tear filled in my face.

             I don't know when, how , what happened  i just felt that i being place in a cushion not that soft cushion maybe just a pile of cloth that acts as my mattress and I  heard a lots of children crying ???? WHAT ? AM I BEING KIDNAPPED ? I just want to screamed cause i cannot see very well and i just want to screamed and screamed and a tear suddenly formed in my eyes , i being picked by this person easily ? HOW THE HELL I FITS THIS PERSON ARM EASILY . This person "chocho" me and give me a bottle of unknown substances ??? and put into my mouth ,I  just want to push the bottle away using my fucking weak hand but once my mouth taste it ,It seem to be like milk like a very thick milk  it seem MY OWN BODY  had it own mind as it start to suck it and i sucking aggressively very essences inside it and after that  i just suddenly felt sleepy after my fucking tummy full , and the person tap on my back  so i burp and it felt like that person treat me like a baby, a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to stay awake but it felt like my full tummy make me felt extremely  sleepy and it make me have to postpone my one of hypothesis .

                It already on weeks and I don't know how many day actually I just wake up random hours for milk and poop and i fucking embarrassed caused someone handling my poop and my piss like i am a FUCKING baby . OF COURSE I AM A BABY LIKE A REAL LIFE BABY . IT TOOK ME SOME OF TIME TO ACCEPT.  I A 23 YEARS OLD A CHEMIST GRADUATE JUST TURNED INTO A FUCKING BABY !!!!!!! LIKE WTF IS THIS UNIVERSE.!!!!!!! I just cried silently and hope no sound is going to be leaked out and being heard by the care taker and look at the ceiling in the house or maybe i think is a baby room caused i being placed with several baby on my side too with a cage divider. I can look properly now but it still hurt my eyes caused it baby eyes ok . It need to developed it neuron to the eyes and need to be adjusted to amount of light caused one week after birth, in theory a baby will start to slowly develop colour vision. They can also see about 8 to 10 inches away. At 6 weeks of age, a baby can see about 12 inches away.. AHH BIOLOGY . HOW I HATE THAT SUBJECT. I can sense I aged more than 1 weeks cause I can properly look the person that take care of me properly now if I look at her in very intense looks of concentration while drinking milk from the bottle. She just laugh at my expression and smoothen the wrinkle formed in my forehead and kissing my forehead softly .After i finished the milk suddenly she turned my back and  she tried to make me burped that make me felt so ........ is this step even necessary girl !!!!!!!!!! , i burped afterwards and being put down on the mattress back  with my shattered women dignity yes i am a baby but it still felt weird ok ... and one question popped in my mind ... now i wonder am i a girl or boy ? I still thinking my own gender on the mattress and still thinking how to know my gender while I still looking upwards on the ceiling meanwhile the caretaker went to other babies to feed and cleaned them. 

               A few day after that,  like in quiet night i think.....  caused i see the outside of the window is quite dark with a full moon shine brightly and lots of star is twinkling in the night sky. Suddenly how ?  I don't know when ?  it just I ... I felt so overwhelmed like all of the memories, feeling of my previous live suddenly full inside my brain. The felling that I supposedly block like i inhibited in my mind BOMM suddenly burst , I remember that I am supposed to cried, scared, afraid and QUESTION MY EXISTING AND why like WHY THIS THING HAPPENED TO ME , I  SUPPOSED TO START MY WORK AS A LAB TECHNICIAN AND HAVE MY INCOME I HAVE MY FUTURE PLANNED WHEN AND WHERE I WILL HAVE MY FIRST VACATION. I WANT TO BUY BRANDED CLOTH AND BAG USING MY OWN MONEY. My eyes filled with the tear and i cried very loudly like i am hysterically cried. I just cried and other baby was shocked hearing me cried and are participated the cried together . I cried and cried until the caretaker rush to all the babies that wailing and crying loudly and tried to calm them down , one of the caretaker tried to clam me down but i still cried and cried and the tear seem cannot stopped , i still thinking about my parent, my sibling and my friends , yes i do have love-hate relationship with them but still there are the person that i have and the person that i care . I do have a small circle of friends in my uni life and i start to miss them. I miss the way my parent will scold me like a child even i in my early 20 for wake up late and still manage to love me , as usual there are Asian parent. The way they show love is through action and foods. I missed my sibling , we fight a lots , sometime we have a bruised in our face and some hair loss due to we pulled our hair but still we love each other and managed to take care of each other and have each other back when each of us suddenly in trouble. I .. I felt my 23 years of life is wasted and i just began my adult life. I never had my first love ,sex and kiss but my life is not boring .I enjoys some fun activity like kayaking, hiking and dancing . I participated lots of activities and competition and participated lots of voluntary . I make lots of acquittances but keep small numbers can be called as a friends. I wonder am i died in previous world, how am i died , am i felt the pain , am i suffer.. does people mourn my died i might think my parent going to be sad caused they have  to buried their own child into the ground ... i am not tried to romanticised the death but still i wonder how i died or maybe i am in coma like certain isekai manga that i had read when i younger which the protagonist wake up and suddenly find out they in coma like Alice in borderland , i hope i am later but not in that world  .. like i want my old life ..i always watch certain TikTok video whether you choose you want blue pill (continued your life ) or red pill (start a new life ) , i prefer to choose a blue pill cause starting a new one seem hassle and it good if you just learned the lesson in your life . I just hate why i being reborn again in this weird world and all of sudden i cried once again and caused a cumulatively cried of other babies in the room . The caretaker is worried about me and tried to calm me down which they failed.. The cried continued until a golden light had emerged from the window it seem dusk already arrived and my eyes still stained with tear. The caretaker had give up to calm me down and placed me on a room with no babies around to make sure i did not disturb other babies. I felt bad , isolated and hate that they put me in other room , why they did not want to calm me down , i am A BABY , A FUCKING BABY NOT A PET WHICH YOU WILL PUT ON SOMEWHERE ELSE IF YOU TOO LAZY TO TAKE CARE . MY OWN PARENT WILL NEVER DO THAT , THEY WILL MAKE SURE I STAY CALM AND PUT ME ON SLEEP FIRST MAKE SURE I AM OK . I cried again due to my current fate and life . After cried for a few hours and having a few mental breakdown, i stop like suddenly stop my tears still in my face but i don't screaming again and I  think why I should cried , crying will not solved my problem . I should think , think and think and created some idea where am i and what is this world. I DONT HAVE FRIENDS, PARENT AND SIBLING HERE TO SHARED MY BURDEN. YES I MAY BE INTROVERT THAT EXHIBIT A FEW EXTROVERT TRAIT BUT STILL I AM ALL ALONE IN THIS WEIRD WORLD. AND I HATE IT ..


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