To the present me,

part v

I had to learn the hardest way that giving myself time to fall apart would actually be the best way to help myself. I smile when I remember how he used to challenge my attitude when he missed my one call,and he'd ask "How perfect do you expect me to be,I just missed a call and I'm sorry,it won't happen again",I felt so lucky and so confident in our love that it'd last;but I didn't realize that I was just allowing more and lots of the same participations of him towards me.He did that over and over and he made it look like I was the one who was falling out when he was the abuser just playing the victims part.I felt tired and sad and kept praying to God that one day he'd change and finally realize that he was hurting me.I tried opening up to him on how he was making me feel but all he'd see was that I was trying to bring up an argument and I hated him for that.I hated nights,because they all gave me the beautiful memories, memories I somehow knew I'd never witness again.my heart aches cos I gave it all my best but I still LOST.