Hopeful Undertone

Chapter 18: Full of Feelings

"Mom, did you wash my blue jersey? Oh, hey, Tessa's home," said my brother. "Welcome back, bruh." 

"Thanks, bruh," I said. We fist-bumped. 

"What'd you say, honey?" said Diane, walking into the room wearing an apron, her hair up in a claw clip. "Oh! You're home! You're just in time to help me bake."

"No problem," I said. "Let me just set my stuff down first." 

In my room, I took Tyler's note out of my pocket and slipped it under my pillow. I threw my curly hair up into a bun, washed my hands in the bathroom sink, and met Diane back in the kitchen. 

"So what are we baking and why?" I asked, tying an apron around my waist. 

"Oreo cupcakes for the PTA bakesale tomorrow," she said, scanning the recipe in her hands before cracking two eggs into a large bowl. "And your brother wants to bring a batch of buckeyes for his last game of the season tonight."

"Oh, yum." 

I looked over the recipe myself to see which step of the recipe we were on, then I got gathered some things from the pantry and began helping. 

"So how was camp?" Diane asked.

"Amazing," I said. 

"Really? Did you get lots of time to hang out with your friends?" 

"I did, yeah. Coached some little kids in volleyball, directed a theatre production with some elementary schoolers, fell in the lake..." 

"Fell in the lake? When did this happen?" 

"A couple days ago. Scavenger hunt gone awry," I said. "Tyler hit my kayak with his."

"I see," she said, side-eyeing me at the special mention of Tyler's name. 

"We're dating now," I said matter-of-factly, not looking at her. 

"Oh?" Diane said, amused. 

"Yeah, we are," I continued. "Also, I'm getting my license next week."

Might as well just get it all out now. 

"Your father and I will talk about it," said Diane. 

"I booked the DMV appointment on my way home. I'd love a ride, but Tyler agreed to drive me if you're busy, which I understand." 

She looked at me blankly, the rubber spatula she'd been holding frozen in her hand. 

"Of course, I know that adding me to the insurance will increase your bill. So I asked around, and my friend Josh can get me a part-time job at Jamba Juice—full-time the minute I graduate—that should be able to cover the difference, while still leaving me money every month to put toward my own car. Which I will buy very used and also probably from a friend, just in time for fall semester to start. For summer school, I'll just take the campus bus or get rides from people." 

"Tessa, I know you're excited to be all grown up, but we still make the decisions here."

"I know that, but realistically, I'm eighteen now," I said, finally looking her in the eye. "And it's about time I learned to live independently. In a month, I won't even be living here anymore. If you don't want to drive me to the DMV or add me to your insurance, I understand. I'll figure it out. But these things are going to happen either way."

She looked off for a minute and then went back to stirring the batter. 

"What time is your DMV appointment?"

And just like that, my relationship with my parents was changed forever. 

* * *

It wasn't until late that night, after my brother's game, that I found myself back in my room, alone. 

I took the small rectangular note out from under my pillow and unfolded what turned out to be two sheets of paper, both, it seemed, torn from the same notebook I'd found in Tyler's bag at camp. 

In the top margin of the page and in slightly different handwriting was a short description:

Tessa — Everything on this page was written the weekend we met. The second page is from camp. My feelings are not as sudden as they seem. 

My heart was racing. This was going to be the type of letter where I'd have to stop to reread every sentence immediately, I could tell.

The first entry was dated from the night we met. Can't get you out of my head, he wrote above a sketch of a woman's—of my—face. 

I spent the next few minutes poring over the pages, my brain somewhere between shock and elation. 

I never imagined that by the time Tyler had rolled up in his mom's minivan just five days ago, he was already well and truly smitten. If it weren't for the (boyish, perfect) handwriting, I would've thought I was reading a note from a lovestruck, infatuated Lyla about her latest crush. 

Dinner with me had been "disarming." He'd never fallen for anyone so fast. Until now, he wrote, relationships had been predictable: He'd easily become fascinated by a new person, but there was a part of himself, the deepest, darkest part, that he always felt he had to hold back. 

Tessa's just different, he wrote. She's got this ability to see through what I'm saying to what I actually mean. Yet none of it seems to shock her. She catches my vulnerability like it's nothing, and just... holds it. I've never felt more safe.

It went on like this for several more entries. 

I could transcribe them all here, but some of them are a little more, shall we say... personal. 

All that these pages confirmed for me was that Tyler's "crazy" idea for us to be together—like, all-in, come-on-tour-with-me together—wasn't some impulsive, last-minute, lust-motivated offer that he'd carelessly flung out. 

This had been simmering since the night we met, when he offered to share dessert with me within an hour of us meeting and jokingly called me "sweetie." He had dragged Zane out of the front seat of the minivan so I could sit near him and made Josh switch spots with him so at dinner so we could sit together then, too. He had claimed me as his scavenger hunt partner from across a crowded lawn the minute he saw another dude trying to stake a claim. He had pushed me up against a tree and made out with me. How much more proof did I need?

Now that I thought about it, Tyler had never once  shied away from revealing how he felt for me. From the sounds of it, his only hesitance had come from my lack of reciprocation. I had been so guarded, so afraid of getting hurt again, that until two days ago, he had no idea I even had feelings for him. 

Lying on the floor of my bedroom now, I was full of nothing but feelings for him. I love him, I love him, I love him. 

And tomorrow, the moment I got a chance, I would tell him. 

* * *

Author's Note: 

NOT DUN. We have at least one more chapter to go! 

Then I have to decide whether to edit this story or not, and how extensively.

Until next time, frens.

P.S. Thanks to anyone who's ever voted or left a comment on this story. I read every comment and truly appreciate your feedback (this goes for people reading this story in the future, too). <3