Murder Mystery - H.S

29*

Juliet.

These past few days, I've been keeping it to myself— too much stuff in my head to do anything else. I needed to work on what was bothering me before I let anyone in. But how would I work on myself when half the time I'm thinking about stuff that is impossible to heal?

Healing is a long process that takes time and effort, and I don't seem to know how to do it. I hurt myself mentally instead of trying to help. I become a monster, and I am unrecognizable to those I love. I try not to do it, but how do I stop?

For the most part, Harry and I have been ignoring each other. Or having small talks both of us too stubborn to talk about thwart happened.

I've attempted to manage my own emotions as well.
I am meeting up with Zayn today as Harry hired help to remove my belongings from the apartment. Since the accident, I haven't been back, and I never intended to since I couldn't.

" Juliet." As I entered the living room, Zayn grinned at me. I turned around to see him coming from the kitchen. My eyes sag to the ground as I picture my mother laying there.

I smiled and sat down on one of the couches, saying, "Hi, how are you?"

" Good." He breathes out clearly. "How are you doing? Be honest."

I cross my arms across my chest biting my lip. I've had a lot on my mind, to be honest. I admit. Not to mention how I had thoughts about Harry, a small voice in my head warned me not to tell Zayn about me and Harry. "I keep thinking about Mom and about what happened in my apartment."

"I'm sorry—"

" Zayn." I try to stop him before he can apologize anymore, but he also stops me and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I couldn't be there. I'm sorry I can't find Mother's killer and relieve you of this terrible burden.

"You are not to blame for it." I rasped, feeling lightheaded from all the brightness. "You're giving it your best effort, and that's all that counts."

"I let you get hurt." he reasons.

"I didn't get hurt." I gulped, "I got myself to safety before he could do anything harmful and called Harry, and he, uh, Harry killed him." I muttered and shifted my hands restlessly. "I am sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" he chuckles. "You did nothing, JJ."

"But I did," I whispered, guilt eating me alive. "I gave you such a hard time when you were simply looking out for me. And I'm sorry that—I'm sorry for giving you shit; you were just trying to protect me, and stubborn me couldn't understand."

"You grew up alone, JJ—I admit I wasn't the best brother." Zayn looks tenderly at me and chuckles.

"Don't say that." Before I could continue, he cut me off. He is the best brother. "Listen to me, Juliet." He chuckles, "I know I wasn't the best brother, and I didn't protect you—from Mom, from all this cartel shit." He pauses for a brief moment. I did it to keep you safe because I didn't realize that doing it could hurt you or cause you to grow up alone. I felt like I lost you, Juliet when Mom passed away."I can feel tears brimming in my eyes.

Although we both acknowledge what happened, Zayn and I never fully discussed the effects of my mother's passing. Neither of us found comfort in the other. I was never aware of how my behavior affected him. "When I found you, Juliet, you were so pale that I initially believed you were going to leave me too. Mom was dead for two days, and it looked like you didn't move at all— you had—" He stops himself from continuing, and I knew what he wanted to say.