Taste | Changbin

Chapter One-Hundred and Three

'You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.' 

Lennon repeated the silent mantra over and over inside her head. She nibbled on the bottom of her lower lip and her knee bounced up and down. She couldn't stop picking at the edge of her right thumb.

A large fish tank sat across from her filled with bright orange goldfish. The soft hum of the filter filled the air. Around and around they swam. Lively green plants had been pushed into the black substrate. A few of the fish brushed up against them over and over again. 

A small structure made out of cobblestone sat in the middle of the tank. There was an opening in the middle of it that was just large enough that the fish could swim in and out of it. Small rusty tree roots wrapped around themselves on the other side of the tank. Although the roots wrapped together, there were still openings where the fish could pass through. 

Han's therapist's office was a lot smaller than she had initially imagined it to be. Apparently, she ran everything by herself. A black rectangular coffee table sat in the middle of the small waiting area. A few sage green and black padded chairs had been set up against the walls. 

Lennon supposed that the fish tank was supposed to ease her anxiety, but it didn't. For some reason, the place smelled of lemongrass and something else that she couldn't put her finger on. Han had offered to go with her, but she had refused. 

She had refused everyone's offer because the last thing she needed was to feel like a child in front of the therapist. She had learned a new language by herself and moved to another country. She didn't want the therapist to think she was co-dependent on anyone. 

After agreeing to Han's proposal yesterday, he emailed his therapist back and the two of them had set Lennon up for an appointment after they finished at the studio. She wished she would have rejected the offer. She wished she could be back in her apartment away from everyone. 

Being at half of Stray Kids' dorm felt weird. She still wasn't used to it and she didn't like being around Changbin so much. He refused to admit it, but she swore she was a never ending pain in his ass. He had offered to share his room with her and he washed her clothes for her. She just wanted to be back in her own apartment. 

"Lennon?" A voice called. 

Lennon snapped her head to the side instantly. She had been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn't realized a door had opened. A woman with a short black bob stood in the door frame. She smiled and took a step back, "come on in." 

Lennon's anxiety only increased as she walked towards the woman. Her heart pounded in her chest so loudly that she could hear it in her ears. It took everything in her not to turn around and run away from the building. 

"Go ahead and have a seat, you can sit anywhere you'd like." 

A coffee colored couch sat in the middle of the room. Two bright yellow decor pillows sat on each end. Cream colored walls held black frames filled with a variety of photographs and pieces of art. Beside the couch, there was a black bean bag. A smaller chair sat near the opposite side of the couch. 

Lennon hesitated for a moment before moving one of the pillows off the couch and sitting on the right end of it. Across from her, the therapist sat down in a bright yellow chair. She picked up a clipboard with a paper on it and began writing on it. 

"So in case you don't know, I'm Dr. Ji-Woo Kang. You can call me Dr. Kang or you can call me Ji-Woo, whatever you feel more comfortable with." 

"Okay," Lennon's voice came out so soft, she almost didn't recognize it. 

"So Han happened to recommend me, huh? He said the two of you were close friends. That must be interesting, he's a pretty funny guy. It took him a while to open up here, but he's gotten more comfortable over time. He's got a great personality, I'm sure the two of you have a lot of laughs. I know he makes me laugh quite a lot during our sessions." 

She couldn't stop the smile from appearing on her face. "Yeah, he can be pretty funny at times." 

"I'm glad he recommended me. Anyone that's a friend of Han's is a friend of mine. My goal is to get you started on the right path and feeling better. It might not happen right away, but I hope you can leave here feeling a little lighter. This is a safe space, we can talk about anything you want to. Can you fill this out?" 

She handed Lennon the clipboard and pen. Lennon immediately started filling out the boxes with her name and personal information. She tried not to focus on her shaky writing. 

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about specifically today?" 

"Um...I'm not sure. I've never done this before and honestly I'm really nervous. I've never sat down with a professional and opened up." 

"Hey, that's okay. Most clients are in the same situation in the beginning. I'm glad you agreed to come in today. The first step is always the hardest. Would you like anything to drink?" 

"No thank you." 

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. Han said he was concerned about you because apparently you were dating one of the members of his band and the fans found out. That must be tough, huh?" 

"Do you always start with the hard stuff?" 

Dr. Kang let out a laugh. "Usually, no. We don't have to talk about that, we can start somewhere else unless you want to talk about it." 

"I-" Lennon paused for a moment. 

That was the one thing she had been struggling with the most. The incident with the fans backstage had been the thing that kick-started all of this. The hate online was extreme, but to be verbally harassed and told to kill herself in person was another. 

She took a deep breath and spoke. 

"I think I want to talk about it."