Counting Stars

3. New life - clean slate

I find myself standing at the Incheon International Airport, every step i take from that moment is like a movie scene, a strange language, everyone is running somewhere i can't keep up.
Mirah already called me saying that she is waiting for me outside, so i pick up my suitcase and start walking towards the exit.
Some people are looking at me, i do stand out, my long blond hair is naturally wavy, big blue eyes I'm a little curvy.
My mom was born in Russia and my dad was Marocain so i don't really fit into the crowd coming out from the airport.
I look around it's sunny the weather is warm snyd comfortable, something is different about this place.
I feel.. ok, sometimes i forget why I'm here.
Forget about my diagnosis about the nights when my head is exploding with pain.
I think I'm going to like it here .
"Erin!..." I hear a cheerful voice calling my name "Hey! Over here!" I look around and then spot her, she looks as beautiful as i remembered her. Mirah is half korean half Russian a tiny lady with long straight shiny hair and a big smile on her face.
She waves for me to come over standing next to her car.
It looks like she is bloking the road and doesn't even care. I smile and walk over to her "hurry up!" She runs to me not caring that there are cars behind her honking their horns, she grabs my suitcase and huries to put it into the baggage.
"Sit sit!" I get into the car and she starts driving cursing twords the honking cars under her nose.
"I'm so happy you're here, you're going to love it here we have to catch up! Tell me everything.. oh the apartment is small but i love it, you'll see you will too. Ohhh and so many cute boys! Jast for you.." she loughs.
Yeah, i forgot how energetic and chatty she is. A little firecracker.
She reminded me of my mother.
I did manage to get a few words in but mostly she did all the talking, asking questions and sometimes answering herself.
"You are so beautiful Erin, you look so much like your mama.."
I look outside of the window loosing myself in the scenery "thanks.. i just need some time away from everything you know?.." I say without looking at her "Ok baby, you will tell me all about it once you settle down" she smiles and keeps driving in silence, it seems like she noticed that i wasn't in a very good mood for happy chatting.
We arive at the apartment one hour later and Mirah walks me into a one bedroom apartment on the second floor of a two-storey old vintage like building.
I look around and smile to myself, its looks like i enter some Kdrama home. So cosy it feels like its lived in, the walls are a worm creamy colour, there's a huge soft sofa with five or six large fluffy cushions.
A small country style kitchen.
"Wow i love it.. its like taken from some romantic movie." I say quietly.
She walks in looking proud and happy.
Its nice to see her like this, i haven't seen this little lady more then 10 yrars thou she kept in touch every once in a while it feels like she always have been a part of my life.
She comes up to me looking at me with care "Can i give you a hug now?" She opens her arms and i step into her embrace.
For a moment i feel like im in my mothers arms, Mirah always said she likes loved me like i was her doughter but i stayed away like i did from everyone else.
I will have to tell her the truth about my being here, I'm just not ready to let people feel sorry for me yet, and i can imagine her reaction to it.. i don't want it, not now.
She aventualy steps away "Don't you just love this place?" I walk to sit on the soft sofa "it's great but dont you live here?" She sits beside me "Noo, live not far from here with my partner, he's got a house and we figured it will be more comfortable to stay at his house. This place is now yours for as long as you need it." She smiles at me, for a moment it feels like she's trying to read me "are you ok Erin? You look a little.. sad.." I look at her and take her hands in mine "I'm fine Mimi I'm just tired from the flight, and I've been a little.. sick lately, but.. I'm fine. Thank you for letting me stay at your place i love it." She stays with me For about half an hour asking easy questions trying not to dig to deep. I think she suspects that something is off about me but she's not pushing.
Aventualy she stands up and hugs me "I really hope you're ok baby, if you need to talk I'm here you know.. now get some rest and we will talk tomorrow ok?" She walks twords the door "Mirah..." I call for her "thank you."
She smiles softly "you don't need to thank me have a good night baby girl." She walks out closing the door.
Im left standing there kind of clueless of what to do next.
'So.. this will be interesting..' i think to myself.
I am so tired and weak that my body is shaking, it happens to me lately, and i can imagine why. I'm getting weaker every day and my body is telling me that i need to let it rest.
I throw myself on the sofa skipping food or exploring the rest of the apartment, I'm way too tired for that now.
I close my eyes.
This feels like the beginning of something interesting. To bad there is this dark cloud hovering over me, reminding me that everything is not ok, I'm not ok... I need to forget, as much as possible just leave it 'Your still in a good place, so just put it aside..'
I fade away into restless sleep. I don't dream lately, or maybe my mind blockes them, i have so many bad thoughts that I'm afraid to dream.
From time to time i tend to avoid sleep because even though I don't dream i feel pain. Maybe during the day i keep myself too busy to feel sick, but at night when my body relaxes i can feel it through my sleep. I dream of pain, if i can put it like that. It scares me i imagine myself dying.
Who will miss me? Will someone remember i was even here?