A kkoma a day, keeps the sadness away

Chapter Two: An Opportunity

A/N: If you have read my other fic:
'Help me escape this nightmare'

You'd know that Yoo Joonghyuk actually has mind reading skills too, as this work is a part of series I didn't bother elaborating it in the earlier chapter but Yoo Joonghyuk has a mind reading skill, a stigma Kim Dokja gave him when he woke up and was recovering in the hospital. Also I will be often using 'Dreamer' to refer to Plotter's Kim Dokja, and 'Reader' for 1864th turns Yoo Joonghyuk to avoid confusion. Anyways, enjoy!

Also trigger warning! For mentions of suicide and extreme ooc-ness?

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Kim Dokja wakes up with a groan, he feels weary. He rubs his eyes and glances at the window, the curtains are flowing quietly, cool air enters every once in a while, the star themed wind chime in the room makes a jingling sound effortlessly, from the little bit of space which allows Dokja to see the clear, dark sky outside, it's obvious that it's night, he assumes he must have passed out in the bathtub, he fumbles for his phone and squints his eyes to look at the time and it's only three in the morning. Kim Dokja blinks, he feels awfully empty for some reason, is it his another weekly depressive episode? He feels something warm tightening its hold around his waist and he turns his head to see his protagonist, sleeping soundly, arms hugging him tightly, circling around his figure. Is this the same man who is a beast in bed? Kim Dokja pats Yoo Joonghyuk's head, feeling the soft, smooth hair under his palm. He shuffles a bit to kiss the man. Yoo Joonghyuk is so, so handsome. Kim Dokja kisses his forehead, then his nose, then his cheek, then near his eyes and then his lips, he feels something trailing down his own cheeks and halts. He rubs his eyes and sees a teardrop. Why is he crying? He quickly rubs his eyes but a hand grabs his wrist, stopping him from doing it any further, he whips his head to look at Joonghyuk who is staring at him with a deep furrow between his brows, eyes filled with concern. 
 
"Ah I am sorry, I woke you up." Kim Dokja smiles sheepishly, Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't say anything but frowns and gets up.
 
"Did you have a nightmare?" His voice is raspy, he must have been in a deep sleep, though he is a light sleeper. Kim Dokja feels awfully guilty for waking him up. 
 
"Kim Dokja, tell me." He cups his reader's face, looking him in the eyes to find any uncertainty.
 
"No I didn't." Kim Dokja shakes his head. He really didn't have a nightmare. He doesn't know why he is crying either.
 
Yoo Joonghyuk nods, and then silently turns on his mind reading skill which Kim Dokja gave him when he was still in the hospital.
 
'Why would I cry? I even disturbed his sleep. Why am I like this?' Yoo Joonghyuk scowls, "Kim Dokja, don't worry about me." The reader looks surprised for a moment, "You read my thoughts?"
 
Yoo Joonghyuk nods hesitatingly. "Sorry." 
 
Kim Dokja doesn't say anything but just shakes his head.
 
'Then can you just listen like this? I feel like it's hard to speak.' Yoo Joonghyuk looks at him for a moment before he nods and brings the reader close, Kim Dokja hugs him tightly, head resting on his chest.
 
"One of those days?" Yoo Joonghyuk asks quietly.
 
'Yeah. I guess, sorry for waking you up.' Kim Dokja hides his face in Yoo Joonghyuk's hold, the protagonist massages his reader's hair as he speaks.
 
"Did something trigger it? Was I too harsh earlier?"
 
Kim Dokja quickly shakes his head, 'No. I think maybe it's because something has been on my mind for days.'
 
Yoo Joonghyuk hums, "Does it have something to do with the other you?" 
 
Kim Dokja pauses, then nods. 'I guess.'
 
He seems to take a deep breath, 'You know, I never imagined myself to look so carefree, smile so brightly and well, healthy. It's hard to believe that it was my younger self. I was anything but those things. It was hard... It was very hard.'
 
His tears are rolling down his face again, Yoo Joonghyuk presses his face further in his chest, letting the reader wet his shirt. "If I was there for you during those times maybe you wouldn't have been so lonely."
 
'I doubt you would have wanted to be my friend, I was a loner.' Kim Dokja chuckles.
 
"I don't care about those things." Yoo Joonghyuk says, voice firm.
 
'I am sorry, I am being unusually whiny today.' Kim Dokja goes silent after that.
 
"You aren't." Yoo Joonghyuk shakes his head. There is comfortable silence for sometime until Kim Dokja takes a deep breath and speaks again.
 
'Hey... I never asked this but what was your first thought when you saw the once most ancient dream?'
 
He fidgets in Joonghyuk's hold, Joonghyuk's hand freezes for a moment before he starts caressing the reader's hair again.
 
"Does it matter?" He asks the reader, who nods in reply.
 
"I was angry." He says, Kim Dokja freezes. 'I am so-'
 
"Not at you." Yoo Joonghyuk cuts him off, "But at others, at people who drove the little you to that point where you had to find solace in words. I often think about what would have happened if the apocalypse never became a reality or if you weren't there." Yoo Joonghyuk feels a bitter feeling creeping up in his chest whenever he thinks about his reader's past where he was all alone, without any parent, friend, or companion to rely on.
 
"I was going to kill myself." Kim Dokja speaks, his voice cracks a bit. Joonghyuk freezes, a dark expression on his face as he listens to his reader.
 
"Once your story would have ended, I wouldn't have found any other story to rely on because none would be the same like 'TWSA'. It helped me survive the darkest days, your story was the reason I kept living day after day and I was not sure what I would do after the novel I had read for years ended, I would have probably-" Before he can finish, Yoo Joonghyuk lifts his head up, a dark expression on his face, his face is pale, his body is trembling faintly, his pupils are shaking and he looks so scared, "Don't." he says, breathless. "Don't say it." 
 
"I am sorry." Kim Dokja gives him an apologetic smile. Yoo Joonghyuk gulps, his throat feels dry, his heart is beating at an erratic pace. He hugs his Dokja tightly once again, "I know those memories won't vanish away but I will make sure you can only see the progress you have made." His voice is low and wavering as he speaks. Dokja feels him giving a kiss on his head, once, twice, thrice, again and again.
 
"Do you think I deserve to be happy?" Kim Dokja asks, voice equivalent to a whisper.
 
"More than anyone." Joonghyuk replies without a single beat.
 
"Don't say more than anyone, you suffered much more." Kim Dokja's lips tremble as the words of the novel flash in his mind, 1st regression, 2nd, 3rd, countless suffering, unbearable pain and misery his protagonist had to bear. The man who had to die and exist 1865 times, exist because he never got the chance to live.
 
"You suffered with me." Yoo Joonghyuk whispers.
 
"I just watched." Kim Dokja shakes his head, he scrambles away a bit, pulling away from the tight hold to look at his incarnation.
 
"At-least you were there with me, every single journey of mine... at-least you didn't leave." Yoo Joonghyuk smiles warmly, eyes filled with something indescribable.
 
"I wouldn't dare, I know I am a shitty bastard but I wouldn't dare abandon the man whose the reason I survived all those years." The star shakes his head.
 
Yoo Joonghyuk flicks his forehead, "Whose lover are you calling a shitty bastard?" He scowls, yet his tone is fond, Kim Dokja gives him a small smile, "Yours."
 
Yoo Joonghyuk cups his face and kisses his eyelids, he kisses his salty tears away one by one, gently and slowly, the tears don't seem to stop yet but he patiently kisses them all away.
 
"It's okay now, Kim Dokja. It was all worth it. You are worth it." He kisses his reader on his lips, a kiss filled with emotions, passion and yearning. Kim Dokja's hand reaches to grab Yoo Joonghyuk's hair as they kiss. When they pull away, Kim Dokja stares at the man with a bunch of emotions. Love, fondness, envy, sadness, happiness and what-not.
 
"Thank you for being my protagonist." He says earnestly, giving him a wobbly smile.
 
"Thank you for being my only reader who accompanied me till the very end." Yoo Joonghyuk gives him a warm smile.
 
"Come here." The taller one lifts Kim Dokja up by waist, kisses him on his forehead and gets up.
 
"Where are we going?" Kim Dokja asks as he quickly crosses his legs around Yoo Joonghyuk's waist.
 
"Stargazing." Yoo Joonghyuk replies as he grabs hoodies for both of them.