Hugo: What is it?
Varian: I can't be sure... But I think it's human.
Nuru: Guys, I literally just woke up! I haven't had time to make myself presentable!
~~~~
Varian: *after Hugo comes in with a bloody nose* Why is he bleeding?
Nuru: Because he's an idiot.
Varian: I didn't know idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose.
Nuru: I think it's a new phenomenon.
Hugo: She literally punched me!
~~~~
Hugo: On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me?
Varian: I'm hovering somewhere in the high thirties.
~~~~
Nuru: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Hugo: I almost died!!
Nuru: Ah, yes. That's my fondest memory.
~~~~
Yong: I have a solution!
Varian: Thank goodness.
Yong: It involves fire.
Varian: Absolutely not.
~~~~
Hugo: Nuru, why are you glaring at me?
Nuru: I'm hoping you'll spontaneously combust.
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, I need you to listen to reason.
Hugo: But reason is so boring!
~~~~
Varian: Unless I screw this up, I'll be getting married to you.
Hugo: You better not screw this up!
~~~~
Hugo: SNAKE!!
Varian: That's not a snake, it's just a leaf.
Hugo: Leaf that looks like a snake!!!
~~~~
Hugo: The phrase 'ignore it and it will go away' does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars..... Trust me on this one.
Varian: *sighs* What did you do this time?
~~~~
Varian: *after Yong attempts to start a campfire* Small fire! I said to set a small fire! This is not a small fire!
Yong: ...Oops?
~~~~
Varian: Where's the idiot?
Hugo: I'm literally right here.
Varian: Surprisingly, I was not talking about you this time.
~~~~
Nuru: Are you sure I can't punch Hugo in the face?
Varian: Yes.
Nuru: What if I just break his nose a little bit?
~~~~
Hugo: Did you just... agree with me?
Varian: *chuckles* I wish I could--
Hugo: Nope! You said it! No take-backs!
~~~~
Varian: Sorry, I have a clingy and feverish assassin on my lap. I'll call you back when I've convinced him a cold doesn't mean he's dying.
Hugo: *over-dramatically* I'm dyyyyiiiing!
~~~~
Nuru: I hate you.
Hugo: Why? I'm lovely.
~~~~
Hugo: *talking about a very distressed Nuru* She's crying. What should I do?
Varian: Go comfort her.
Hugo: How do I do that?
Varian: Start with hugs.
*Beat*
Hugo: With what?
~~~~
Varian: I don't know if I want to kiss you or push you off a bridge.
Hugo: Can I pick?
~~~~
Varian: Yong, why are your hands purple?
Yong: That's a good question.
~~~~
Hugo: I have an idea!
Varian: Oh no...
Hugo: I swear it's a good one this time!
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, you know you're my favorite.
Hugo: I'd better be!
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, you're bleeding out! What's your blood type?!
Hugo: B positive.
Varian: I'm trying, but you're bleeding a lot!
~~~~
Varian: Quit smirking at me, I'm serious.
Hugo: I'm not smirking.
Varian: Well, stop laughing at me.
Hugo: I'm not laughing!
Varian: Well, quit whatever it is you're doing.
Hugo: This is me with a cheery disposition; a ray of sunshine in the midst of bleakness. Don't put a cloud over my sunshine.
Varian: It's an excuse to laugh at me.
Hugo: RAIN CLOUD!
~~~~
Hugo: *staring deadpan into the camera with a microphone in hand* And here you can see the endangered Varian in its natural habitat."
Varian: *trips down the stairs, spilling his cereal everywhere*
Hugo: Natural selection is coming for this specimen.
Nuru: *cracking up behind the camera*
~~~~
Hugo: Do you ever sleep?
Varian: I scheduled a nap for a week from next Tuesday.
~~~~
Hugo: Are you okay?
Varian: *obviously not okay* I'm fine.
Hugo: Really? Because you look like you're about to faint.
Varian: *swaying on his feet* Yeah... You might want to catch me.
~~~~
Nuru: Where's your crazy boyfriend?
Varian: Probably doing crazy things.
~~~~
Hugo: *running around the camp looking for water, eight things are on fire, it's chaos*
Varian: What an idiot... *realizes* Oh hey! That's my idiot!
~~~~
Hugo: We're gonna die.
Varian: Listen here, I don't want to hear that negative attitude. Look on the bright side!
Hugo: *sarcastically* Oh yay! We're gonna die! Woooo!!!
~~~~
Hugo: This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I shall die on it.
Varian: Shut up. We've been hiking for 20 minutes.
~~~~
Hugo: *Is play-fighting with Varian* You're crushing my spleen!
Varian: *smirks* You don't even know where your spleen is!
~~~~
Varian: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Hugo!
Hugo: And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!
~~~~
Varian: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Hugo!
Hugo: And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!
~~~~
Varian: *after one of his projects backfires and makes the toilet explode* I can fix this.
Hugo: I'm calling a professional.
Varian: I am a professional.
Hugo: A more professional professional.
~~~~
Hugo: I think I need to take credit for this.
Varian: I think you mean blame.
~~~~
Hugo: Oh no.....
Varian: What is it? What's wrong? Who died?
Hugo: I think I just felt an emotion.
Varian: You have got to be kidding me!
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, is that blood?
Hugo: .....No?
Varian: That is not a question you're supposed to answer with another question.
~~~~
Varian: What is our exit strategy?
Hugo: *visible confusion* Our what?
Nuru: Oh my stars, we're all going to die.
~~~~
Varian: I don't know if you noticed this, but I really am quite petite.
Hugo: *sarcastically* Really? I had no idea in our 12 month relationship that you were shorter than me.
~~~~
Varian: No Hugo, I am not buying you a knife for your birthday.
Hugo: *sad boi face* But it's pretty!
Varian: No!
~~~~
Hugo: *gets down on one knee* Varian, take my hand.
Varian: Why?
Hugo: I'm trying to ask you to marry me! Take my dang hand!
~~~~
Varian: *talking about Hugo* He's very loyal and sweet, but also very dumb.
Hugo: *in the background, trying to figure out if he should push or pull an automatic door*
~~~~
Varian: It's not my birthday.
Hugo: It's definitely your birthday.
Varian: Give me a calendar and I will prove it to- oh. Nevermind. Happy birthday to me.
~~~~
Hugo: If I punch myself in the face and it hurts am I weak or strong?
Varian: Weak.
Yong: Strong!
Nuru: An idiot!
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, stop. You are trying not to be a thief.
Hugo: I'm not a thief. I'm just very good at acquiring things that don't belong to me.
~~~~
Hugo: *chugging milk straight out of the carton*
Varian: That's disgusting. You're lucky you're cute.
~~~~
Varian: Hugo, you're speeding!
Hugo: I acknowledged the sign's recommendation.
Varian: You're going over 30 miles an hour!
~~~~
Varian: *hugs touch-starved Hugo*
Hugo: *falls over in love*
Varian: I think I broke him.
~~~~
Varian: Hugo! What happened?! You're bleeding everywhere!
Hugo: Oh this? It's fine, I just got stabbed.
Varian: You got stabbed!!!!!???
Hugo: Relax, V. It used to happen all the time.
Varian: YOU DON'T GET IMMUNE TO STAB WOUNDS HUGO!!!!
~~~~
Varian: Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?
Hugo: I don't know. Probably both.
~~~~
Varian: Good morning Hugo.
Hugo: No.
Varian: I believe the proper response is 'good morning'.
Hugo: No.
Varian: Yes, but~
Hugo: No.
