Love Benefits (Book 1)

131

INBOX

mhiemaeve
20:30

have you told him?

hindi pa po

hindi pa?
bakit hindi pa
akala ko ba ay sasabihin mo na sakanya, maxine?

hindi ko kaya mamiiiii
may plano na kasi kaming dalawa this christmas ni largus
nakaka guilty lang na biglang mauudlot dahil dun

we can't do anything about that, anak
it happened already, and you said yes to it
I tried to stop you because I knew you were preparing something, but you were too enthusiastic at that time
and what plan is it anyway?

gagawa kami ng baby

what?

gagawa kako ng baby, mami

maxine, are you really digging your own grave right now?
because I'm telling you, uuwi ako ngayon para ako na mismo ang maghukay ng libingan mo

joke lang eh
ang tense kasi tsaka di ko nga alam gagawin ko
kanina nga parang wala akong tinatago habang kausap siya
I feel so guilty

then tell him

it's not that easy, mama
tsaka ang tagal kong hinintay to
to be able to spend my christmas with largus knowing na we have feelings for each other
it's a dream come true!

anak, you are not living in some kind of fairy tale where perfect men exist
rather than feeling so guilty, isn't it much better to be truthful instead of hiding
isa pa, hindi naman sasabihin ng batang yun na hihintayin ka niya kung hindi siya kumpiyansa sa sarili niya

and it would be so unfair for you if he were to rant and rave about this matter
just think about how long you tried to knock some sense into his brain
you waited long enough
hindi ba pwedeng siya naman?

pano kung di ako worth it hintayin, ma?

edi parang sinabi mo na rin na hindi worth it na pinanganak kita
anoba, maxine
pupunta ka lang sa tataymo for christmas hindi mo tatakbuhan yung tao
why are you feeling so guilty about this

mag-usap kasi kayo, nak
talk and comprehend each words, hindi pa nga kayo pero mukang balak mo na magkaroon kayo ng gulo
isa pa, you two are going way too fast. please slow down a bit

hindi naman ah
para naman kaming nagmomol sa sinabi mong "way too fast"

hindi nga nagmomol pero mas matindi pa kayo sa mga may relasyon kung maglandian dalawa
maxine, you need to remember that relationships in terms of romance are not built overnight
kung tutuusin hindi pa nga kayo nakakatakap sa pintuan ng magka relasyon, nasa labas pa lang kayo. you two are still wanderers outside a home of relationship and love, max
and with that, the two of you should learn how to heal those wounds first

especially, that kid
I don't want you to be in a relationship when one is not sure when they'll heal, anak
and I understand that you admire me for healing on my own, but we are different
you don't need to keep the rules you set to yourself just because you grew up watching me do the same to myself, you have people at your side
a man with whom you share that same pain but have differences

so it's okay if I rely on someone?
it's fine if I ask for someone's help?

isn't it much better to have someone rather than just your own?
to heal with someone's presence, love, and warmth
to finally feel that no one will judge you for just being yourself

I'm not saying na you should be in a relationship with that young man just for you to feel these
I just wanted to say to keep everything smooth, clear, understandable, yet slow but surely, that you two are the one for each other
which is why you should not feel guilty for leaving this christmas and just explain it to him
largus will understand you, maxine

you think?

yeah, I think

in what way naman, feeling ko kasi baka mamaya magalit siya o di kaya magtampo

wala pa nga kayong relasyon tapos gaganyan na kayo
jusmiyo, na hhigh blood ako sayong bata ka

basta sabihin mo na pupunta ka sa tatay mo, ipaliwanag mo kung bakit
maiintindihan niya yun

sige na nga
try ko...

don't try!
for goodness sake
do it, maxine
do it
for the sake of my peace, please
I'm so tired and worried every time I see you so confused about this matter that I can't handle it anymore

juts go and tell him
I'll go na, sumasakit lalo ang ulo ko sayo

grabe ka naman, mami
mataps mo magbigay ng advice tapos english english pa eh lalayasan mo nako
siguro di mo nako lab

maxine anak, mahal ka ni mami mo okay?
but please give mami some break about your love life, okay?
okay, I love you, mi amore
please take care of your own matter na, I'll go

~~~~~~~~~~
TWITTER

maxine @maxxine
love you. mom
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