Not Today but Forever

Look at me

The last bell rang which signaled that school is over.

I waited for Nathan as other students started coming outside and leaving. I saw Chloe leave and she glared at me. I looked away from her.

What a bitch.

I saw Nathan come out and I rolled my eyes  and walked from him. He caught up with me and walked beside me. "Why did you roll your eyes at me?" he smirked and I looked at him. "It's because you took too long, idiot."

We both continued to walk to the park together while talking about school, video games, and my sister.

My sister is 24 with 2 kids. She recently got married and is basically living her life. I miss her dearly and wish that she could come back sometimes but it's better where she is than for her having to come back to a drunk addict father and a mother who still sees the good in him.

We made it to the park and I sat down in the grass. I don't mind the bugs, I actually find them pretty fascinating and sometimes I even like picking them up and watching them crawl on me.

I laid my back against a big tree and sighed, Nathan sat next to me and sighed too.

"So..Chloe..is she like your girlfriend or-" "she isn't". Nathan cut me off and looked at me quickly. I looked at him quickly as well. "I'm not into her, she's too snobbish and thinks the world revolves around her. She is beautiful but not really my type." I laughed when he said snobbish because it is true.

She really is.

I looked in the sky and admired the clouds. Big or small, they are all beautiful to me. "Nathan, remember when we were younger and we thought that if we climbed trees high enough that we could touch the clouds and live there?" Nathan chuckled and said yes.

He remembers everything, even the small things about me. One time when we were younger, it was my 13th birthday and my parents didn't get me anything. Nathan brought me daisy's and said he remembered how much I liked them. We went to the playground after. Best birthday ever.

"Since you brought up a girlfriend, have you talked to any boy's recently? Maybe malcolm?"

Nathan knew that Malcolm was this idiot who loves people's attention. He claims that Malcom must've liked me because when we were freshmen, he gave me dead flowers for valentines day and said they reminded him of me. Everyone laughed around me and I ran away from him.

He probably didn't mean it that way but it still hurt my feelings.

I cried in Nathan's arms that day.

I rolled my eyes and looked down. "Don't even dare bring him up, he's a dick. I will never forget the time he got me those dead flowers and everyone laughed. He's...unbelievable.." I clenched my fist to try not to tear up.

People scare me, you never know who is judging you and who isn't judging you, but in my life everyone mostly judges me because of my long black hair, eye bags, bad posture, and so much more.. I look like the grudge or the undead.

"Hey, look at me." Nathan put his hand on mine and suddenly my fist unclenched. I looked up into his eyes and listened to him. "I was just kidding, I'm sorry. In my eyes, you are beautiful like your favorite flowers. Tulip's."

He smiled at me but I didn't smile back. I felt weird in my stomach and my cheeks felt warm, but I just ignored it.

"Thank you Nathan" I said as I put up my hands to form a heart and he did the same. We both laughed and relaxed for a few hours.

2 hours passed and I was almost starting to forget that I had a curfew. I'm supposed to be at home by 4:30.

It was 5:30. Fuck.

I got up quickly and Nathan got confused. "I gotta go Nathan, curfew remember?" I quickly gave him a hug then ran from him before he could even say bye. I could tell he was just like "what the hell."

I arrived at my place out of breath from running.

Like I said before, the walk from my house to school isn't long but it is long enough for me to hurry, so imagine the goddamn park.

I opened the door and went inside to see my father and mother eating dinner. I was sorta surprised that my father wasn't drunk.

I passed by them but before I could I heard my father speak.

"What did I tell you about this curfew Larrea?" I avoided eye contact with him but I knew he was side eyeing me while eating his rice.

"I'm sorry father, I got a little distracted." I tried to not sound nervous but I couldn't help it. "You better not be with that boy called Nathan too much. You never know what boys can do to you or even think what they can do to you. Dirty filthy boys, so don't EVER let that fucking shit happen again."

He banged the table when he said ever and I flinched along with my mother.

I nodded my head yes then quickly went upstairs to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I catched my breath a little and looked at my shaky hands.

Thank god that I didn't get hit or anything else. I changed into shorts and an oversized shirt then went back downstairs for dinner. I sat at the table and my mother gave me my food.

We all ate in silence.

It hit 9:15 pm and I was in my room trying to do my homework but gave up a few minutes later. Maybe tomorrow I will do it.

I thought back to when I was with Nathan at the park and I thought about that weird feeling in my stomach.

It felt like flutters..butterfly flutters. I touched my cheeks and thought back again. My cheeks felt a little warm too.

Was i..blushing?

No, maybe it was just me being embarrassed, I couldn't have been blushing around my bestfriend.

I sighed relieved and put my phone on the charger. So glad that its the weekend, i get to sleep all fucking day.

I went under my covers and closed my eyes.

I held my stomach and breathed deeply.

Inhale and exhale then finally, i was away in my dreams.