The wind whipped fiercely against the plane as I arrived in Tselinoyarsk. "Open the cargo door, Linda," I commanded. "I can't believe it. Brian is about to become the first person ever to jump out of a plane and land in an obscure Russian jungle while performing incredible flips."
"You're right, Sergeant Linda. I AM about to do some jaw-dropping flips," I replied with confidence. Without hesitation, I leaped from the plane, the rush of air against my face accentuating my graceful descent. It felt exhilarating, like the clapping of my cheeks as I executed remarkable flips. But suddenly, I was interrupted by a tree. The impact knocked me unconscious, and I slipped into a deep sleep.
"Who is this big guy?"
"Why is he wearing high heels?"
"Stop using Google Translate, botanist."
"Let's leave this big guy here."
As I tried to sleep, my body was unexpectedly drenched, and I found myself floating down a river.
"What the... Bruh, did you stinky banana captors try to get rid of me? You could've buried me, nerds!"
After crawling out of the cold, harsh stream, I instantly recognized my location as southern Mexico. No beef, that's exactly where I wanted to be.
"Ah, a lovely first day in a new country."
Ringgggggggg "What's that ringing?" Ring Ring
"Oh, it's my Barbie Girl Deluxe cell phone. Hello, who's there?"
"Hi, Brian. It's me, Agent Linda, but you can just call me Linda."
"Linda!? It's been so long since I've seen you."
"You literally saw me forty minutes ago when you were on the plane."
"Well, forgive me, Linda. There isn't enough room for both of us to be fully developed characters."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"Okay, well, here's your objective: you need to reach the banana factory, which is further south from where you are. It should be a giant yellow facility that's pretty hard to miss. I must warn you, though, it's heavily guarded, and they will shoot you on sight. So, you might want to approach it with a bit of stealth. Remember, if you get caught, you'll be putting the Whole Foods family at risk!"
"Alright, Linda. Love you, Linda. Bye, bye. Now it's time to commence Operation Banana Eater."
The wind blew, the birds sang, and the Russians did their Russian things. As I sat near the sand, next to my trusty fanny pack, I encountered a peculiar fellow. He was smoking something unpleasant, and as Brian J. Mullis, I couldn't tolerate such behavior. Smoking is horrible and shameful.
"Hey, do you speak English?" I inquired.
"Absolutely!" he replied.
"What's your name?"
"Crack."
"Well, hello, Crack. Do you know if I can have my handy dandy fanny pack or not?"
"I don't see why you can't," Crack responded.
"Alright then, Crack, if that's even your name, I'm going to head over there, and you're going to hand me my gear with no problems whatsoever."
"For sure. Alright, I'm heading over there."
This guy, an absolute loony, had my fanny pack and was swinging it in the air, taunting me to come and get it. Well, I'll show him. I'll take him down without a hitch.
"What are you waiting for? It's right here," he teased.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking that you're going to trick me with the way you're playing around with my pack like that."
"It's ok you can trust me I'm a man of JESUS and Anime!"
With those odds this guy is probably like a brother to me I can trust him... But little did I know. Alright may I please have my bag. He was just looking at me and then even worse he started Slowey moving backwards.
"Um, why are you moving backwards"
"shahs"
"dude don't"
"AGAGAGAGAGA!"
He lunged at me screaming for "MORE SMOKE!" "MORE SMOKE! Hehehehe'' He kept striking me with his boney little arms, I swiftly took him in a single punch, and achieved my fanny pack.
"Haha, nerd"
YOU ARE READING
Brian J. Mullis In Operation Banana Eater Delta
Action"Brian J. Mullis in Operation Banana Eater," meet Brian J. Mullis, a master of mischief and a champion of chaos. When he's feeling just a little hungry He embarks on an epic journey to find a tasty yellow treat. Brian J. Mullis in Operation Banana...
