Chasing the Stars

Seeing Stars

"Run!" My feet started pounding underneath me, but I was still exhausted from earlier. Evan was gone. I saw the camp in the distance, the faint outline of tents glistening in the dense forest.

Then it was gone. No tents. No trees. Just the ground and the stars. Eyes searching frantically, I ran to the spot. No! It couldn't be. This is impossible. It was all gone. My book. The Runners. How did I keep losing everything that mattered to me? I had no chance to find my family, alone, with no money. My knees crumpled down beneath me, tears streaming down my face. The words of Evan were echoing through my mind. I was just a weakling. He'd never make me a warrior. I was trying to be strong, but it wasn't working.

"I'm trying." I shouted out into the air, frustration building inside me. The world seemed to be laughing at me. The ground so dry and bare, that it made my tears not belong. The wind had gone, the air so still it felt like I was breathing in nothing, choked by air; what a perfect ending that would have been. The storm clouds had dissipated and all that was left was the eternal night sky, looking up into the vastness of the sky made you notice how ephemeral life was. All you are is a sack of blood and muscles, but something felt wrong; the stars were laughing at me, gossiping about the girl all alone on the world, who's got nothing better to do than cry on the ground and stare at them. And then they started talking, a mumble of voices, shouting my name, muffled, as if the atmosphere was swallowing their words; even the stars aren't all mighty.

Then the voices became clear. It was Carmilla. And I could feel hands shaking me, water drops splattering against my face. I opened my eyes tentatively, and her face was right above mine. A sigh left her mouth, smile threatening to paint on her face, and I reached up and grabbed her, pulling her into a tight hug. I was so happy to see a nearly complete stranger. I couldn't let go though. I thought I was going to die alone, but I had someone now, and that was all that mattered.

I let go after a minute or two, looking up into her eyes. They were blue, the colour of the sky and ocean combined; they looked infinite, as if the entire world's secrets were confined in them. She looked away sharply, and as I caught her eye again, all the secrets were gone, a dim wall constructed to keep them safe.

"Are you okay?" She said sternly, all traces of care gone from her voice. I could see Evan standing behind her, staring at me, a confused expression streaked across his face.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said, confusion racing through my brain as I recalled what happened just minutes ago, and the shaking from before, "what happened here?"

"Well, as the storm clouds grew stronger the bombers decided to flee Berlin, and make their way back, but they must have had some bombs left. So they dropped it half way back, and we could feel the aftershocks more. Then you started running back with Evan, when all of a sudden you stopped and started crying." She replied, voice monotone, as if this happened every day, but I could tell she was a little worried as her voice cracked in places.

"But you were gone. It was gone. There was just-" I rambled, stumbling on my words.

"Leave" she shouted, gesturing to the other runners. And they left quickly, and I was thankful for the space.

"Carry on." She whispered to me, "what happened?"

"I don't know. I was running back, following Evan, when all of a sudden everything was gone. The camp. The trees. Grass. All that was left was the barren wasteland, and the stars staring down at me. And I was scared... I wanted to be strong, but I couldn't. I'd lost everything, and that's the worst feeling in the world." I stuttered, crumbling down into her waiting arms, the waterfalls starting again.

"It's okay. We didn't leave. Everything is still here." She said, stroking my hair as if it was second nature. "Has something like this happened before?"

"I don't know" my voice trembling. Is it possible that all those 'dreams' had been reality? Was I insane? What is wrong with me?

All of a sudden Susan dropped down from the tree.

"I think I should take it from here, Carm. This seems to be my area."

Carmilla stood up and walked away. Not looking back. And that's when I decided I would never really understand her. She was an enigma shrouded in darkness, but shining so brightly. You could never get near her. She was like the stars that each night would light up the sky but the possibility of reaching one was a far distant dream for the future.

"So, you've been seeing things" Susan asked abruptly.

"M-maybe" I stuttered, intimidated by her easy-going attitude to my insanity.

"Well, welcome to the insane ones. I haven't found a way to get rid of the voices, but I ignore them. Next time it happens, try and remember that it isn't real. Can you do that?" She asked, voice impatient and emotionless, as if the only way she had learned to cope was by stopping to care.

"What happens to you?" I asked, knowing I was entering into dangerous territory.

"None of your business! I do what I have to do to survive, and I told you how, so now bugger off." She said, sweat glistening on her skin.

"But what if life is about more than just surviving? What if-" My sentence was cut off by a slap to the face that threw me backwards into the tree.

"You say one more word, about how life should be more than surviving and I'll skin you alive, and burn you piece by piece. Life is hell, but we have to persevere, and that's all that matters. We're lucky to be the ones alive." She shouted, eyes twitching, hands in fists, a vein pulsing in her neck. I got the message, and retreated further back into the tree, my head starting to throb from the collision. When I looked up again she was gone, and I was left alone again with the stars, the clouds and the rain falling on my face. Maybe this wasn't as perfect as I thought.