Chasing the Stars

Home, Sweet Home!

My legs were about to collapse underneath me. My cheeks felt red and raw, and I felt as if there was a vacuum in my throat. But I kept walking. I will make it home before the sun sets. I will not get lost. My siblings need me.

My thoughts kept screaming, piercing the beautiful silence with this dreadful pain. Flooding through my nerves like a tsunami, were my emotions, grief, anger, fear, regret, hope. Hope, the flicker of light just between my eyes, I have to keep going before the tsunami quenches it.

Trees are walking past, down the steep hill, surrounding the occasional visit of a building. My calves hurt, everything hurt, and I was climbing up to heaven, and that's when I saw it. I summoned all the energy left in me, running, panting, stumbling.

The white walls, green roof, balconies overgrown with ivy, a stream flowing along the back, leaves floating, circling the cottage as if I standing by a sacred place; and I guess it was to me. Memories flashed in my brain, my dad swirling me around, my tiny hands just grasping to his fingers, while I felt like a superhero, a fairy, an angel; just like he used to call me, his angel. Running around the forest playing hide and seek with my siblings, hiding behind a tree, as I hear my brother walk towards me. A family of snowmen standing together, me, my brothers and sisters, and of course my parents, and the smiles and laughs echoing around as we ran into our own snowmen, symbolizing we would always be there, together, Oh, what happened to that?

I'd been standing here, in the swirling leaves, for so long that I didn't hear someone come up behind me.

"Are you okay?" I heard a croaky voice say. I turned around to come face to face with an old woman, eccentrically dressed, with neon flowers in her hair.

"Rebecca, is that you?" she gasped, "what are you doing here all alone?".

I stared at her in disbelief, questioning who she was.

"You don't remember who I am, do you? That makes sense the last time I saw you, you were still a little child. Look at how you've grown, you're so beautiful, not that you weren't as a child of course, sweetie."

I kept staring at her blankly.

"Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm the wife of the baker, Clara. Oh, it's been such a long time since I've seen you. I remember when you used to go around with my grandson and pick flowers from all the gardens. I'm sure he would love to meet you again, sadly as he moved to Germany last year, he's been sent to war; my poor baby. Okay, enough about me; what are you doing here? Where's your family? Are your parents still fighting? Is Jackson doing okay?"

Wait, if she didn't know where my family was, does that mean they aren't here? Did my wildest nightmare come true?

I turned my back and sprinted to the house, running through the back door which had been broken for years. The house was empty, silent, covered in layers of dust and mould, a home for spiders. I ran around the rooms, hoping for a trace, just a trace of them being here, a mark in the dust, a bag, food, anything; but I came out with nothing, just banged knees, a raw throat and dusty hands. I collapsed on my old bed, embracing the feeling of the soft duvet.

I didn't cry. The light had been quenched. I'd lost all hope to find them again, but I didn't cry, I screamed, I was angry, I felt guilty, but I didn't cry. Maybe I wasn't sad, maybe I was too sad, but I didn't cry.

Clara sat down on the bed next to me. I think she understood what had happened because she just held me, and when I was ready we walked back to her house, and she gave me a soft bed in a quiet room. And I lay there. And the silence became unbearable. All I could hear was the distant clattering of my broken heart, and the echoes of my sobs. The air was too still. The world was too silent. There was no one there. I had no one. I'd made the wrong choice and now I was alone, and cold, and I still felt so weak.

It's been two days, and I've been eating and helping at the bakery and climbing trees and running and teaching myself to fight and I have Evan, Carmilla, Luke and Susan to thank. As I'd been going through my bag, I found an envelope neatly addressed to me. I opened it warily, knowing who it was from and not knowing if I had the strength to think of them again. But I read it;

Hi Rebecca,

I hope you've found your family and are happy. It was a bumpy journey to Switzerland, but I hope we all make it safely. I know we had a rough start but I want to tell you again what I said before. You are strong, and I hope I can help make you stronger, but otherwise I want you to do it yourself, fight for what you think is right, because you always seem to know what is right. Thanks for helping us when we were found by the car and Munich was a wonderful visit today. I know it was a bit of a detour but it was worth it. Keep fighting, princess. –Evan

You are really fun and nice. – Luke

I'm not really a person for thank you and miss you but thank you and I'll miss you. I appreciate that you still see me as a friend, a person, a hero after what I did to my brother and when I punched you in the face. You are a good person. Oh and I know you meant to thank me for saving your life back there. :P – Susan

Rebecca, thank you for everything. I've been lost for years but you helped me find light, so there is nothing I can ever write on paper that can mean as much as what I want to say to you. I hope I find the time to talk to you in person before you go, but in case I don't; I'll miss you, but your happiness means the most to me and seemingly your family makes you happy. Goodbye! - Carmilla

And it has kept me going, knowing that three of them are out there and believe in me. I didn't get what I want, nothing like it, but I'm happy. I'm still seeing things, but now I can wake myself up and it's getting better. I'd learned one thing; one shouldn't rely on others for ones happiness. You should be the hero you need. And once you've done that you can conquer your life and live free.

That's what I'm going to do. I've stopped following a light that will always get further away, running forevermore. I'm going to be free, whether that is here with Clara or somewhere else with alone or someone else. My life has always been in my reach but I was too blind to see it. I've got it now.

I've stopped chasing the stars. I'm fighting for my freedom.

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