Back To Square One

⌑ Chapter one ⌑

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING! THIS STORY MENTIONS ABUSE, DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, DEATH, AND SELF HARM. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE OR TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE THINGS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!⚠️

I woke up on the morning of my birthday, May 5th, immediately shooting up in my bed and grabbing my phone. I had 5 messages from my friends, and a huge smile appeared on my face as I tapped on the notifications. I read the first message from my friend, Gloria.

"Hey, Alli! I am so sorry to send you this on the day of your birthday, but I can't go to your party. My parents are making me stay home and babysit Wilson while they run some errands. I already tried to beg them and let me go, but they wouldn't budge. I'm so sorry, but I'm sending you good luck! 💞🎂🎉"

My smile faded slightly. I opened another message from Scarlette, then I read another from Zoey, another from Alyia, and the final one from Bailey. They were all busy or their parents wouldn't let them go. My smile completely faded at that point, but Mackenzie promised she would come, so at least it wasn't going to be absolutely horrible.

After I got dressed in my clothes for school, I grabbed my backpack, my phone, and my shoes. I crept out of my room quietly and glanced into my parent's room as I walked down the hallway. The light was off and my dad was passed out in a recliner, as he always was during my entire childhood, a nearly empty beer can in hand and the TV screen blaring, lighting up the room. I stood and stared for a few seconds at my wasted father, a bit disgusted at such a horrible person he was. He didn't deserve to be called a father after what he had done to me, my sister, and my mother.

I blinked myself away from staring and continued down the hallway. I walked into the dining room where my mom sat in one of the 4 chairs, asleep with her head in her arms. She was surrounded by bills and late fees that she had to pay off. I walked over to her, kissed her forehead, and whispered, "I know you're doing your best, mom. I hope you know that I love you." I stroke her hair for a few seconds and walk out the front door.

I walk down the stairs of the apartment building, thinking about how all my friends had bailed out on me last minute for my birthday. I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my phone ringing. I stand at the corner of the street, waiting for my bus as I pull out my phone. It's Mackenzie. 

Mackenzie's awake this early in the morning? That's a first. I think to myself as I answer it. 

"Hello?" I say into the phone as if I didn't see who it was. "Hey, little sis! I know it's really early but I just wanted to call and say happy birthday. God, how old are you now, 10? I've lost count," my sister jokes as I fidget with the zipper on my jacket. I laugh and say, "I'm 16, Mackenzie." She sarcastically gasps and cries, "Oh, my god! You're growing up so fast. It feels like just yesterday you had just been born and I was holding you in your blankets. God, where does the time go? How've ya been, kid?" Mackenzie asks as she moves the phone from one ear to the other. "I've been alright, school sucks, but other than that, It's been fine," I respond, slowly pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. There's a few seconds of silence before Mackenzie asks another question. "How's mom? She doin' alright without me? I mean, don't get me wrong, she's got you, but I helped mom a lot and I bet me just movin' out in less than a week wasn't too good for her." I stand still for a few seconds. I clear my throat and say, "Dad's gotten worse. He's drinking more than before you left, which I didn't think was possible because he was drinking a 12-pack of beer every day. But I help mom out when she seems stressed and needs help. I clean, I cook sometimes, and I stay out of trouble so that she doesn't have to worry about me, other stuff." Mackenzie sighs as I say this, and she asks another question.

"Does he still hit you guys?"

I sigh and I stay silent for a few seconds. A single tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away with my hand with a sniffle. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, he still hits me and mom. But mom doesn't get hurt as much as I do. I jump in front of her before he can swing. When he realizes that it's easier to take out the anger on me than her, he just takes it all out on me," I say as 1 or 2 more tears roll down my face and I wipe them away. I know that Mackenzie is crying on the other end of the phone and I turn away from the road and towards the building behind me. I start crying and continue, "Mackenzie, please, you have to help me and mom. His kicks and punches and pushes are only getting stronger by the day. There has to be some way that we can get away as you did. Please." Mackenzie is still crying into the phone, but I can hear her struggling to collect herself, knowing that she can't help me or our mother. Mackenzie sniffles and says, "Alli, you know I wish I could help. It's the only thing I want in the world. All I want is for you and mom to be safe and happy. But we both know how the last time went. You were only 6 and I was about 12. I wish there was a way for you guys to get out and be safe, but you guys can't afford that right now. You guys are barely getting by with the bills, you two can't afford to get a restraining order against dad, let alone a new house or apartment. I'm sorry, little sis." I turn back around and I see my bus coming down the road. "It's okay. I love you, big sis. I gotta go, my bus is here. Call me later?" I ask, walking towards the corner of the sidewalk where I was minutes before. "Yeah, of course. Love you too, Alli. And hey, don't give up, okay? and stay safe, for god's sake." She says. "I know, I know. Love you," I say as I hang up the phone and put it in my pocket. The bus doors open and I climb up the stairs.