Back To Square One

⌑ Chapter four ⌑

I woke up the next Saturday morning with a sharp stinging pain in my arm again, reminding me of what I'd done last night. I sigh and sit up in my bed, grabbing my phone to check what time it was. The screen displayed the time, 11:47 a.m. I put my phone face down on my bedside table with a sigh. My mother had always told me that I shouldn't wake up closer to noon because it was a 'wasted day'. She always woke up at 6:30 a.m. and went to work, so she never really slept in, even on weekends. On her days off, she usually woke up at 9:00 a.m. I looked out my window and prepared myself to walk out of my room. I had no idea if my mom had gotten the call from the police station yet and I was hoping that she didn't know.

I got up out of my bed, grabbed the emerald necklace from my bedside table, and put it on in the mirror. I sighed, turning and grabbing my phone. I walked to my door, grabbed the doorknob, and turned it.

I walked through the hallway into the dining room and sat down in one of the chairs. I looked up and saw my mom in the kitchen cooking on the stove. She was smiling and humming to herself. She clearly hadn't gotten the call from the investigator yet. I walked to my mom and she hugged me saying, "Good morning, sleeping beauty." I chuckle and say, "Moring, mom. Whatcha making?" My mom breaks the hug and walks to the cabinet, grabbing 2 plates and closing the door. "I'm not hungry mom, thanks though. I'll get some food when I get hungry. I'm gonna go brush my teeth," I lie as I walk past her and to the bathroom. I call the police department and someone answers after one ring, but it's not Cecilia. "Hello, this is the Windson Crest Police Department, how may I help you?" says a woman in an uppity voice. "Hi, my name's Allison, I'm calling for Cecilia, she's an investigator. She called me last night and I wanted to talk to her," I say into the phone as I lock the door behind me. "Oh, of course," the receptionist says and I hear a click. I blinked, Did she just hang up on me? I thought as I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it. It displayed my lock screen. She hung up on me. Suddenly, someone called me, it was a different number than the one I called. I answered, "Hello?" I heard Cecilia's voice on the other side saying, "Oh, Allison, I heard that you wanted to speak with me. Is everything alright?" I sigh into the phone. "Uh, yeah, I just had a question, have you called my mom about Mackenzie yet?" I ask, leaning against the counter. "Yes, I just got off the phone with her. She-" I hung up the call and rushed out of the bathroom, unlocking and swinging open the door. I hurried down the hallway and into the dining room. She wasn't there. I checked the kitchen and the living room, but she wasn't there either. I checked my dad's room, but he wasn't there and neither was my mom. I began to panic and rushed into my mom's room and she wasn't there either. Finally, I checked Mackenzie's old room and there I found my mom crying hysterically on the floor in the fetal position. I raced to my mom and kneeled in front of her. "Jesus Christ, Mom, you scared me," I frantically said, hugging her. I pulled away and asked, "What are you doing in here, what's wrong?" I grabbed her shoulders gently. "Mackenzie, she's- she's-" she didn't finish her sentence until she continued sobbing, but I knew exactly what she was trying to say. I pulled her into a hug and she wept into my shoulder. I sat and held my crying mother as I began to tear up myself.

⬨ ⬨ ⬨

The next few days were hell for me and my mom. I didn't go to school for the next week. My phone was silent. No notifications, texts, or calls from my friends. They wouldn't care anyway, they never ask how I am because I always say the same thing; okay. I was always okay, not good, not bad. Not ecstatic, but not absolutely horrible. Always neutral.

I always felt this emptiness inside me, all of my life. It was like no matter what I tried, I could never feel better. I was just numb. I tried for so many years to try and feel better but nothing ever worked. I was a happy kid, but I don't know where she went and I have no idea when she left. So finally, when I was 11 years old, I started self-harming. At first, they were just scratches but they got worse and worse until they got as bad as they are now. No one knows about my self-harm, but Mackenzie almost found out. It was just after I started doing it when I was 11 and I was in my room sitting on my bed. Mackenzie knocked on the door and told me dinner was ready through the door. I wiped my tears, sniffled, and said I would be out in a minute. I rushed to bandage myself up and put away the safety pin I was using. I rolled down the sleeves of my jacket and opened the door. My sister asked if I was alright and I nodded with a smile, then we went to eat dinner with our mom. That was about 2 months before Mackenzie moved out.