Back To Square One

⌑ Chapter three ⌑

My heart dropped as she said those final words. Your sister is dead. I sat in my bed, staring into space. There had to be some kind of mistake. "How did she die?" I ask slowly, barely being able to speak. "Alcohol poisoning. That means-" I interrupted her saying, "I know what alcohol poisoning is. No, this can't be right. My sister was always safe when drinking alcohol, she never drove, she never drank too much, and there's no way she's dead. You're wrong, my sister isn't dead." I say in disbelief. "Allison, I'm so sorry, but we did a DNA test. Your mother, father, and yourself came back as direct similar subjects. It is your sister," Cecilia says sadly, switching the phone from one ear to the other. My stomach turned. It felt like all my insides were being ripped out of me and ripped apart simultaneously. I was truly living my worst nightmare. "Does my mom know?" I say after staying silent for about 15 seconds. "No, we haven't called her yet. We decided to call her in the morning because we know that your mother is a busy lady. I'm sorry for having to tell you this," Cecilia apologizes.

I talked to Cecilia about what happened to Mackenzie until about 1:15 in the morning. After I had hung up the phone, I sat in my bed for a few minutes, just staring off into space. Tears flowed from my eyes and down my face without me even noticing. But I didn't wipe them. I cried and cried for 2 hours. I couldn't believe it. My sister, my best friend, my other half, was gone. And she wasn't ever going to come back. She was gone forever. I closed my eyes and imagined some mental pictures I had taken over the years.

I saw me and Mackenzie sitting at our favorite diner. She put some fries in her mouth so that she looked like a walrus. She made grunting sounds and we both burst out laughing. I put a fry right above my upper lip and spoke in a goofy french accent and we both burst into laughter again.

I saw another memory, I was on the swings and Mackenzie was pushing me, we were both smiling and laughing. "You're going so high!" she says as I fly through the air, holding onto the chains on either side of me on the swing. I remember looking out over the trees that surrounded the playground and looking at the sight. I was always amazed at how beautiful the earth was when I was a kid.

I opened my eyes, smiling at the memories. I got out of my bed and walked over to my desk, sat down in the chair, and dug through the box of jewelry that I never wore. I found a necklace that she had bought me for my 12th birthday. It had one big Emerald and 2 others on either side of it. It glistened in the little light I had in my room, but it was still gorgeous. I remember wearing it every day until she moved out. I put it around my neck and put it on. I looked in the mirror at my reflection with the necklace. I circled the big Emerald in the middle with my finger, tracing the edges. I smiled and closed my eyes again, thinking about Mackenzie. It hadn't been 24 hours and I already missed her more than anything.

I sighed and took off the necklace, putting it on my desk. I walk to my dresser and open the top drawer. I open the small box that I had stashed there and pick up one of the many small pencil sharpeners and a small screwdriver. I close the drawer slightly and sit down at my desk. I slowly start unscrewing the blade out of the plastic. When it's unscrewed, I put it on my desk in front of me and I throw away the plastic. I rolled up my sleeves and moved the few bracelets that I was wearing, where horizontal scars are like permanent marker lines all up and down my arms. I slowly close my eyes and take a deep breath for a few seconds. I open my eyes and pick up the sharpener blade.

After I had done what I did, I lay down in my bed, trying desperately to sleep. My arm stung with sharp, poignant pains. I winced silently and gripped a hand around my wrist, pushing the comfortably wrapped bandage to try and stop the stinging. It worked, and I turned onto my side to try and sleep. But my mind started to wander, thinking about how my mother would react to the news about Mackenzie. Oh god. Mom didn't know yet. I was the only one who knew. I started to wonder how my father would react. Now, that was an interesting thought. Would he be sad? Would he even care? He might care, or he might not. Or he might cry, he might shrug it off and say 'oh well'. Either way, I don't care how he reacts.

I tore my mind away from itself and turned off the lamp on the end table next to my bed. Finally, after lots of tossing and turning for about 10 minutes, I drifted off to sleep.