hugs and kisses | xoxo

twelfth; star

since i left my home to walk around, the memories kept haunting me.

a walk by the river couldn't even help. so i decided to distract myself with a walk around the city.

it was so full of life, though it was in the middle of the night, lots of people were walking around, shopping and enjoying their summer times with their loved ones.

i sighed as each step i took brought laziness in me. each step made me feel like going home and isolating myself from everything and everyone, but i couldn't.

i wasn't a teenager anymore. i was a mother. i had a baby to take care of, i couldn't act like the baby.

i looked up to the sky, it was shining brightly cause of the stars. countless stars reflecting us down here.

it somehow gave me a good feeling in my heart but in my guts? i was expecting something bad, in fact i was feeling something awful waiting for me.

i let my feet take me wherever i was going, passing street singers, food stalls, bars full of people getting drunk.

plenty of things to watch and listen to. i walk through the little alley to walk by the river.

"star, the light embroidered brightly in the black night sky," i stop as i hear closely. it wasn't that far away, it felt like it was just a street down.

the song, the voice, the emphasis, all of that made me feel sick in my stomach.

"i remember your heart shining on me," i hear the voice once again, my feet navigating to that voice.

maybe, just maybe, i knew from the beginning? maybe i hoped since i left my house?

i run as the voice gets louder and louder. now, each step i take, is with hope, with love, with memories, and with pain.

i slow down and stand next to the crowd. i was right, it was him.

i push myself in front of the crowd to get a better view.

though he's wearing a cap, i see his eyes wandering through the crowd and stop at me.

i felt like i was the only one right here, like he was singing just for me.

a feeling where it felt like the world stopped only for us.

"I'll be standing here even after time passes, so you can find me anytime," he keeps singing and tears keep building in my eyes. some fall down, some stay there.

when he finished his lines, he looked at me and i saw his eyes shining, shining more than they ever did.

jakes eyes were shining like he had the whole universe caught into his eyes.

in that exact moment, it felt like it started raining on my dried out heart again, like it did back in highschool.

but it wasn't like that at all. i know he had moved on, i know he had found another girl to please.

i know he is still thinking about me and heeseung, when there was nothing in the beginning.

i snap back to reality when the crowd starts cheering and clapping, that was my cue. i walked away like nothing had just happened.

i walked away from him, i walked away from the pain i was feeling in my heart.

once i entered my house i slid down the door, crying.

again i felt like i was in highschool, but this time when he just broke up with me.

⊱  ➳ 3rd year highschool  ⊰

"sing me a lullaby," i cuddle up to jake when he pulls the blanket on both of us.

he looks at me before breaking out in a laugh, "please," i beg with my eyes when he nods.

"what do you want me to sing to you?" i think carefully, "wish!"

"wish? i haven't sung that in a while," jake doubts as i shake my head, "doesn't matter, i will like it even if you only just sing like two lines," i laugh a little, closing my eyes.

jake doesn't give a single tone from himself in the next two minutes. after he breathed in he starts singing to me.

thank goodness he didn't become a singer.

"star, the light embroidered brightly in the black night sky," i smile. "leaning on your shoulder with warmth. thank you so much for the moments of rest...i dont remember the rest," he whispers as i giggle.

"hmm, what about the i'll be standing here even after time passes, so you can find me anytime? remember those lines?" he nods, stroking my hair.

"i'll be standing here even after time passes, so you can find me anytime. until my voice reaches you, oh. i will become the wind and find you."

"star," he planted a kiss on my forehead while i was about to fall asleep, "you are my everything, my only light. i want to shout out that i love you every moment. good night star."

he scoots closer to me, making me feel warm from every side and smelling him from everywhere.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

︀︀︀︀︀☾︎a/n☽︎

wish by sanha