A New Kind of Feeling // Creek

Chapter 19- Craig

The more and more I see Tweek without speaking to him, the harder it gets for me to speak at all. Sometimes when I'm stressed I start going totally nonverbal, like even a simple yes or no can feel like a hassle.

Lucky for me, Tweek thinks I'm bad with the customers, so he handles the register and I make the drinks, which requires little to no social interaction on my end. I'm free to just sit with all these swirling thoughts in silence.

Whenever I sneak a glance over at him, he seems sad. I don't know why. All I'm doing is exactly what he asked, leaving him the fuck alone. Maybe he wants me to just quit and find a job somewhere else. I probably would if I thought anywhere else would hire me.

Ever since I stopped talking to Tweek, my dad has been nicer to me. I mean, he's still not great, but he hasn't hit me or called me a piece of shit this week, so it's better than usual.

My dad never explicitly told me why he didn't want me hanging with Tweek, but I know. He doesn't want me to be gay, he wants me to be perfect, which in his eyes means straight.

My father always makes homophobic remarks unprompted, and has never had a problem with Clyde, Tolkien, or Jimmy. They've all had girlfriends. He asks them about the girls they've dated, giving them pointers on how to score with the ladies. He treats me better when I come home from parties with stories about getting with some girl. Even if it's totally just some lie I've pulled out of my ass to please him. He can't tell the difference.

Dad knows I used to "date" Tweek when we were kids, and he hopes it's just a phase I grew out of, but I think really I've just been in a phase of trying to be who he wants me to be. The real me is the part of me that likes Tweek.

I should probably stop being such a people pleaser and just go for it, except I already blew it. Tweek hates me; he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. Just my luck I broke up with the guy I'd end up falling for three years later. Just my luck he wouldn't want me around.

"Hey, earth to Craig," Tweek says, waving his hands in my face. He looks pretty irritated. "Your milk finished steaming a while ago. Pour it in already before it gets cold."

"uh... sorry," I force out, and pour the milk into the cup. Then I go to pour a couple shots of espresso for the latte I'm making. I totally spaced out a minute ago, which only seems to have made Tweek more angry with me.

When I get home, my parents tell me they have some good news. Dad has found a new job, so now I'm free to do whatever I want work-wise. I could quit, or I could stay and keep making money but actually get to keep it for myself this time. I'm not sure which I'd rather do. On one hand, I want to keep seeing Tweek, on the other, I don't think he wants to see me.

My mom looks happy to be giving me this choice. The look on my dad's face says I'd better not stay at that job too long, because I shouldn't be around Tweek if I don't have to be.

That's two people (dad and Tweek) who want me to stay away from Tweek, and only me who wants to stay near him. I'm outvoted. I guess I'll put in my two weeks. At least then I can get a couple weeks pay, and not get myself into trouble at home.